Jack shook his head firmly. “In this life, you fight hard and ruthlessly for the people you love. No blame in that.”
“Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how I am in this game. Paul read every word of my chronicles, so now he gets to telepathically inform everyone how I screwed them over in the past. You know, my grandmother was unstable toward the end, but she predicted that Aric would turn on me, that they all would. How prophetic was that?”
“But they didn’t want to turn on you. They didn’t make a choice to betray you. The Reaper would normally die for you, which I can always hope for.”
I raised a brow. “Jack, Aric might not truly be brainwashed. Well, not only brainwashed.” I explained what Paul had told me, about working with what was already there. “I don’t believe the Hanged Man can manufacture that much bitterness and mistrust. Aric’s resentment must have always been there.”
Latent, like a seed with terrible potential.
“As much as I doan want to say this, I know Death loves you.”
“Not enough to overcome Paul’s reach.”
“Did coo-y?n not warn you about an Arcana this powerful? One you couldn’t kill?”
“When we talked about how to identify the inactivated card, he told me, ‘Don’t ask, if you ever want to know.’ Maybe he meant never to ask the card himself, considering that Paul has the power of trust manipulation. Sterling advice.” I really didn’t miss Matthew’s decoder-ring talk.
Jack tilted his head. “What did you do in the next game after coo-y?n killed you?”
“He deeply regretted his actions and vowed never to win again, so I allied with him, telling myself I’d dispose of him in time. But that never really worked out for me.” Since I kept dying. “I’ve always felt close to Matthew, but maybe he steered me toward that.” Though he didn’t possess emotion manipulation—at least, I didn’t think so—he could’ve affected my memories of the past. “I don’t know how I feel about him. I can’t decide.”
“You doan have to decide, doan have to know how you feel. Peek?n, how about we just kick that can down the road?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I missed you, Jack.”
His answering grin faded when he asked, “How was married life? With Domīnija?” He glanced away and tossed a rock.
“He really tried to be a good husband and make me happy, and in some ways, I was.” Strangely, Jack’s return made my feelings for Aric even keener. Everything felt keener, my emotions brimming. At last, I could loosen the tourniquet. “But I was also devastated from losing you.”
“I saw your reaction in Matthew’s vision.” His voice grew rumbly with emotion. “I always wanted to make a difference, to matter. When you crafted that tombstone, I felt important, me. In a way I never had before.”
“Even with your army and your leadership?”
“Even then.” He tossed another stone. “Before the Flash, I never much thought that I’d be . . . missed.”
“God, you were.” I swallowed. “When Aric first learned all I’d done to bring you back, he was gutted. Not only had I chosen you, I’d refused to surrender you and accept him, even after you’d ‘died.’”
“But eventually, you did.”
“Eventually.”
“How’d that work with the game? Was I right when I predicted Death had a patsy?”
“Yes.” Arcana intrigues: one of the reasons I’d initially chosen Jack over Aric. “He was going to let Lark win after he and I had lived a long life together. But with Richter closing in, we reevaluated our chances of survival and decided to get a memory spell so we wouldn’t kill each other in future games. Now everything’s changed. Gran said that the earth won’t come back until the game is over. And she believed the only way to end it is for all of us to die, save one. If that’s true . . .” Death and I truly shouldn’t be together. I rubbed my temples. “Richter will probably win anyway.”
“We can’t let that happen, bébé.”
“Aric and I planned to go out in a blaze of glory to stop him. And I can finally admit that kind of thinking on my part came about because I’d lost you.” Now I was pregnant. Now nothing made sense. “A few weeks ago, Aric wanted me to talk all about you. To grieve. I worried I would hurt him with my tears, so I put it off.”
He’d wanted to know why the snow made me sad and what the red ribbon meant. I’d left it in my drawer at the castle. Was it gone forever?
Jack looped his arm around me. “I’m back. I’m right here.”
I leaned into him, and for long moments, we just enjoyed the sweet stillness. Then cold kissed my cheek. A snowflake. The first of many.
Jack and I raised our faces to watch the flurries. For once, I had no reason to be sad.
The night I’d lost him, I’d been a heartbeat away from expressing my feelings for him. No more regrets. I drew back to face him. “When I was riding after you from Fort Arcana, I’d just raised that walkie-talkie to tell you something when all hell broke loose.”
“What was it?”
I swallowed. “I love you, Jack. I never got to say those three words to you.”
His eyes briefly slid shut, as if he wanted to savor this moment. “Waited a long time to hear that.”
“I thought I’d never get the chance to tell you.”
Holding my gaze, he cupped my face. “I knew. I heard it in your voice on that recording of your life story. I felt it when we slept together. The tombstone you made me removed any doubt.”
Oh, yeah. I’d engraved I love you at the end of the epitaph. “So this is old news, huh?”
“You saying those words gives me a thrill down to my soul. I wish I could hear them for the rest of my life—because I am gone for you, Evie. Je t’aimerai toujours.” Brows drawn, he eased down to kiss me, and I wanted him to.
I wanted his warmth and reassurance. I wanted my heart to thunder from something other than dread.
His lips pressed against mine, and that fire between us burned hot as ever. I channeled all my emotions—my fear, my missing him, my elation that he was still alive—into that kiss.
He gripped my nape, pulling me closer, until we shared breaths. He caught my moans with his lips. His deep-chested groans made my toes curl in my boots.
Gods, he feels so good. Missed him so much. My Jack is alive. I tunneled my fingers into his hair, frowning as some nagging worry intruded on our kiss. What is it? Something’s not right.
The ring.
I was wearing a wedding ring that had belonged to Aric’s mother. I pulled back. “Wait. I can’t.”
Between breaths, Jack said, “Listen to me. I know you love Domīnija too. I know you were with him. Doan care. We still got a connection.”
Would it survive my revelation? “Jack, I have to tell you something.”
“I need to tell you something too.”
As I gathered my courage, I waved him on.
“After escaping the slavers, I was in a bad way, me. I thought the fever was goan to take me for true. Matthew dragged me out into a snowbank to bring my temperature down. I was delirious, but Evie, I swear I could touch you, see you, smell you. I was talking to you. Reaching for you.”