KILE HELD HIS HAND AGAINST the small of my back, walking me through the garden. The moon was low and full, casting shadows even in the night.
“You were spectacular this morning,” he said, shaking his head. “We’ve all been worried about your mom, and it’s so strange not having Ahren around. And Kaden? I’ve never seen him look so … bewildered.”
“It’s awful. He’s the stable one.”
“Don’t worry too much. It makes sense that he’d be a little shaken right now.”
I inched even closer to Kile. “I know. It’s just hard to see it happen to someone who never gets shaken.”
“Which is why breakfast was so great. I thought we were going to suffer through a painful meal together, unable to talk about what was happening, or even talk at all. Then you just opened it up. It was remarkable. Don’t forget you have that skill.” He shook his finger at me.
“What skill? Distraction?” I laughed.
“No.” He wrestled with the words. “More like the means to alleviate. I mean, you’ve done it before. At parties or on Reports. You change momentum. Not everyone can do that.”
We walked to the edge of the garden, where the land opened up to a wide, flat space before the forest started.
“Thanks. That means a lot. I’ve been worried.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
“It’s bigger than Mom though.” I stopped and put my hands on my hips, wondering how much I should tell him. “Ahren left me a letter. Did you know that the people are displeased with the monarchy? Specifically, me? And now I’m basically in charge, and honestly, I’m not sure if they’ll stand for it. I already had food thrown at me once. I’ve read so many awful articles about myself … What if they come after me?”
“What if they do?” he joked. “It’s not like there aren’t other options. We could become a dictatorship—that’d put people in line. There’s a federal republic, a constitutional monarchy … oh, maybe a theocracy! We could give everything over to the church.”
“Kile, I’m serious! What if they depose me?”
He cradled my face in his hands. “Eadlyn, that’s not going to happen.”
“But it has before! That’s how my grandparents died. People came into their home and killed them. And everyone worshipped my grandmother!” I could feel the tears rising. Ugh, I’d been such a weepy mess the last couple of days! I wiped them away, fumbling over his fingers in the process.
“Listen to me. That was a pocket of radicals. They’re gone now, and the people out there are too busy trying to live their lives to spend time messing with yours.”
“I can’t bank on that,” I whispered. “There were things I was always sure of, and almost all of that has fallen apart in the last few weeks.”
“Do you …” He paused as he gazed into my eyes. “Do you need to not think right now?”
I swallowed, processing the offer. Here with just the two of us in the dark, quiet evening, it felt so similar to the night of our first kiss. Only this time there’d be no one watching, no one to print it in a newspaper. Our parents were nowhere in sight, and the guards weren’t trailing our steps. For me it meant that, for just one moment, there was nothing to keep me from having what I wanted.
“I’d do anything you asked me to, Eadlyn,” he whispered.
I shook my head. “But I can’t ask.”
He squinted. “Why not? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, you idiot,” I said, pulling away. “Apparently …” I huffed. “It seems you did something right. I can’t just kiss you like it’s nothing, because it turns out that you’re not nothing.”
I stared at the ground, growing increasingly irritated.
“This is all your fault, by the way!” I accused, glaring at him as I paced. “I was fine not liking you. I was fine not liking anyone.” I covered my face. “And now I’m in the middle of this thing and so lost I can hardly think straight. But I know that you matter, and I don’t know what to do about it.” When I gathered enough courage to look up at him again, he was smirking. “For goodness’ sake, don’t look so smug.”
“Sorry,” he said, still smiling.
“Do you know how scary it is for me to say all that?”
He bridged the gap between us. “Probably as scary as it is for me to hear it.”
“I’m serious, Kile.”
“So am I! First of all, it’s strange to think about what it all means. Because you come with a title and a throne and a whole life planned out for you. That’s insane for me to try and take in. And second of all, more than anyone here, I know that you hold your cards close to your chest. A confession like that must be practically painful for you.”
I nodded. “Not that I’m mad that I like you … except that I kind of am.”
He laughed. “It is rather infuriating.”
“But I need to know, now, before we go any further, do you feel anything like that for me? Even the smallest glimmer of something? Because if not, I have to make plans.”