“Look, I’ll head back to the hotel and see what they have to say,” Caleb offered, rubbing his tired eyes. “Again.”
He followed Sam outside and had disappeared in a rune portal before I could call him on his snarky tone, which just left me to yell at Austin instead. The other guys were all out on various missions I had selected for them because I just couldn’t handle the lack of progress we were making on finding Bridget. She was the only one who could get the fucking bracelet off me, and until that happened, I was dead weight.
Without my magic, I couldn’t heal anyone else. I couldn’t create this army that Jonathan was so sure I needed; I couldn’t even heal myself. It was because of this that River had put his foot down about me participating in active missions with the rest of them.
If it had just been River, I could have won that argument. But it was a clear five against one, and without my strength or healing, I didn’t have a leg to stand on.
“How long is this going to last for, Princess?” Austin asked me in a quiet voice, his gaze locked on the black-ink pen in his hands.
“How long is what going to last?” I snapped back, feeling fired up and bitchy. It was pretty much the only thing I was capable of feeling these days. It was either bitchy or numb.
“This,” he repeated, looking up from his pen to give me a disgusted look. “All you’ve done since we found you at Jonathan’s is shut us out and refuse to discuss anything that isn’t directly related to ‘the mission.’ The only time we see any feeling from you, it’s this snide, snappy little Princess. So I’ll ask it again, how long is this going to last? Because I’ve just about had enough of it.”
My jaw dropped, and I gaped at him while searching for the right comeback. He was right, obviously. But none of them had called me on my shit so far. They’d just let me ignore the problem and pretend it hadn’t happened. That Wesley wasn’t...
“All right, let me know when you decide. In the meantime, I’ll steer clear.” Austin shrugged and stood from the stool he’d been perched on. Still I found no words to snap back with as he left the kitchen, and I heard his heavy footsteps heading up the stairs to his room.
From what little I had bothered to explore in the house, it had been clear that the guys had totally moved in. Their bedrooms were decorated in styles that perfectly fitted their personalities, and all their belongings seemed to be here too. Not that I’d snooped much. When it had become clear that there were bedrooms for everyone... I’d stopped. I couldn’t bear the thought of accidentally stepping into Wesley’s bedroom, even if he’d never been in there himself.
Right now, though, I heard Austin slam the door to his room, and seconds later, thumping music started up.
Fuck him. I was doing the best I damn well could! How dare he make me feel like I was being some sort of... petulant child? So maybe I wasn’t acting in the way he expected me to, but I was dealing as best as I damn well could!
Feeling fired up again, I stormed up the stairs after him and slammed open his bedroom door, only to hesitate when I saw him standing there in just his boxers with a T-shirt in his hands.
“See something you like, Princess?” he challenged me, and my mouth went dry. “Or is that a silly question, seeing as you haven’t so much as touched anyone in over a week?” He tossed his T-shirt onto the dresser and stalked closer to me.
“I just...” I needed to stop and lick my lips, which were suddenly like the damn Sahara desert. “I came to tell you that you have no right speaking to me like you did downstairs.”
Austin snorted a laugh, reaching past me and pushing the door closed. Trapping me.
“You know, not so long ago you wouldn’t have put up with that at all. You wouldn’t have let me finish my sentence without a fight, even if it meant you needed to punch me in the face. Yet here you are, trembling and confused. Sure, you’re saying the right things—deep down you know what you should be saying. But you don’t feel it anymore, do you, Princess?” He edged closer, and I backed up a step to maintain some space between us.
“Feel what?” I replied, frowning and really trying to keep my gaze on his face. He was right. I hadn’t let them touch me, and I sure as shit hadn’t initiated any contact myself. It still seemed wrong. Maybe I was just scared that it would break my glass house of pain.
“Feel anything,” he answered, stepping closer still so that he was towering over me. “Even this angry bitch act you’ve got going is just that. An act. So when are you going to let the real Kit back out? Huh? What is it going to take to break through those walls you’ve put up?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whispered. “I’m fine.”
Austin laughed a bitter sound. “Oh yeah? Prove it. Kiss me.”
“I’m not...” I scowled, looking for a way out but finding none. He had me pinned to his bedroom door and was calling me on my bullshit.
“Fine,” I growled. Rising up on my toes, I smacked a quick, lifeless kiss against his lips, then huffed. “Happy? I’m fine.”
“That was pathetic,” he sneered at me. “Why don’t you kiss me like you mean it, Princess? Or are you still pretending?”
Grinding my teeth, I narrowed my eyes at him to see if he was just pushing my buttons for the sheer fun of it. I used to be able to tell, it used to be so obvious when he just wanted a rise out of me. Now, though... it was impossible.
“Fine,” I snarled again, clenching my jaw even as I rose back up on my toes. This time, I pulled his face down to me as I pressed my lips against his, but still... fuck, he was right. I was still pretending.
“I can’t,” I admitted with a small sob, breaking away from his lips but leaving my hands on the back of his neck. “I can’t. It’s wrong.”
“Why?” he whispered back to me, his arms encircling my waist and pulling me tighter to his body. “Because of Wesley? Why do you think he would have a problem with you kissing me, Princess? He didn’t when he was alive.”
Austin’s voice cracked over that last word, and it was like a knife through my heart.
“He loved you so much, Baby Girl. Do you really think he would want to see you like this? Shoving all your pain and grief down and locking it away? Avoiding us? We love you too, and we loved him. He was a brother to us all. Did it ever cross your mind how we might be feeling?” His words were whispered in a harsh voice, thick with pain, and it was almost too much to bear.
“I can’t do this, Austin,” I replied in a small voice. “I need to get my magic back so—”
“So what? So you can save the fucking world?” His reply was bitter, and his hands clutched me tighter. “You can’t even save yourself right now, Princess. How do you expect to save the world?”
“I don’t know what else to do,” I admitted, feeling my walls start to crack. “I can’t afford to feel what I did before. People are dying out there. I can’t just curl up in a ball and cry.”
Austin made a noise of frustration, dropping his head so that our foreheads pressed together. “Maybe not forever, but can’t you just let me in for today? I promise the second you leave this room you can go back to this... robo-Kit. But just show me you’re still in there? That there is still hope of pulling my Baby Girl out of that hole?” His voice was anguished, but it was what came next that killed me. “I can’t lose you too.”
Releasing my breath in a rush, I leaned up and kissed him again. Really kissed him this time, letting him feel all the pain that Wesley’s death was causing me. More than that, there was the fear. Fear that I’d lose one of them next, and then where would I be? I couldn’t recover from that. Hell, I could barely recover from this.