Joy.
Elian tugged on my arm and I fell forward. The frigid water sucking the air out of my lungs.
“Layna, I’m sorry!” Elian snickered. Not meaning it. Only laughing and laughing.
I didn’t get up. I let my body acclimate to the temperature. My heartbeat slowed and my fingers pruned. Something brushed against my back but I didn’t startle.
“No, you’re not,” I smirked and ducked my head beneath the water. I kicked away from the shore and swam out. Into the deep, fathomless quarry.
“Layna! Don’t go out too far!” Elian yelled, but I didn’t listen. I swam away.
I didn’t listen. I was never one to heed the danger.
I swam and swam. I could hear Elian shouting but I didn’t hear him. I was too far away from the shore.
Cold, slithery things touched my feet. Slid past my legs. My entire body was numb and I couldn’t feel my legs and arms.
It was deep. Too deep. I couldn’t see anything beneath the surface. I felt sluggish. Heavy.
And then I started to sink.
Deep.
Deep.
Down.
Light couldn’t penetrate the surface. The water was murky and dark. I couldn’t see anything.
I held my arms out as I sank. Eyes wide open.
Falling.
Falling.
“Hold your arms out, Lay. I’ll make you fly.”
I wasn’t flying. I was dying.
My lungs were on fire. My body so, so cold.
I felt a moment of panic and I started kicking my legs. But something was wrapped around my ankle. I couldn’t break free.
It felt like fingers, digging into my skin. Not letting go.
Keeping me here.
Keeping me safe.
I tried to see through the inky darkness. There was no sun. No light. I was alone.
Or was I?
The fingers around my ankle pierced through flesh. In the frigid water I could feel the warm blood start to flow. Floating up. Floating down.
This is what death felt like.
I opened the door and walked inside.
I could hear my daddy’s voice. He was talking low. Not loud enough.
I heard her crying. Tears that I felt in my gut.
She was sad. I knew my daddy would make her feel better.
I forgot about the ice cream.
I didn’t care about that anymore.
I wanted to see my star.
Because I knew the girl with the sad, sad sobs was just for me.
My star.
Mine.
“Daddy,” I whispered walking slowly towards the closed door at the end of the long, dark hallway. Ringed with light, it was a beacon.
I was excited.
I couldn’t wait any longer.
I knew Daddy wouldn’t be mad. He loved me. He wanted me to share his special, special secret.
“Daddy,” I whispered again, my hand flat against the door and I pushed.
The door swung open and the first thing I saw was Daddy.
He smiled high.
High as the sun.
Bright as the stars…
I was in the water. And then I wasn’t. I was in strong, secure arms being pulled back to shore.
Laid out on the sand and dirt, my naked body shivering.
“Layna, what were you thinking?” Elian cried. He covered me with a blanket and wrapped me up. Pulling me to his chest where we sat on the beach as he rocked. And rocked.
“I told you not to go out that far.” His voice broke. His tears mingled with the quarry water. I lifted my face and caught them with my tongue. Salty sadness.
“I can’t lose you, Layna. Why would you do that to me?” He was angry. His arms were too tight.
“I’m fine,” I reassured him.
I was fine.
Was I?
My ankle pulsated and I pulled the blanket away to have a better look.
“That looks like it hurts. You must have cut it on something.” Five precise cuts bleeding sluggishly.
Cut on sharp fingers.
My mind remembered.
My heart was already trying to forget.
I was safe.
For now.
Elian picked me up and carried me back into the house where he sat me carefully on the sofa. He found a towel and began to dry my hair. Lovingly.
He loved me.
I had scared him.