“Oh my fucking gods,” I groaned.
“—wouldn’t you, as best friend of said wizard’s apprentice, feel a mite angry that such things were kept hidden?”
“Mite angry,” Tiggy agreed. “Also, mite hungry.”
“Have a grape, kitten. They’re delicious. Especially if you like the fact that they were garnished with betrayal.”
Gary and Tiggy and I all gasped dramatically.
“Betrayal,” I bellowed, outraged at the very thought. “You know nothing of betrayal!”
“I do!” Gary shouted back, but not before he started chewing on more grapes. “I probably know better than anyone in this room!”
“Me too!”
“Tiggy too!” Gary said. “How bitter this moment is, knowing what I know now. For shame, Sam of Wilds. For shame. How you are not on your knees begging for our forgiveness is beyond me.”
“On your knees, bitch,” Tiggy grumbled. Then he grinned. “All done.”
“How does it look?” Gary said, flicking his newly braided mane back and forth.
“Good,” Tiggy said.
“It really does,” I agreed. “Tiggy, you are getting very good at that. Probably even better than me.”
Tiggy blushed.
“Gaaah,” I said. “Your face does things to me.”
“It is a nice face,” Gary said. He stood up and trotted daintily over to the mirror above the dresser. “Oh, Tiggy. You have outdone yourself. I don’t know that I have ever seen anything more beautiful than I look right now.”
Tiggy blushed harder.
“Truly the work of a master,” I said.
“It is,” Gary said. “Too bad this whole experience has been tainted by your lies!” He whirled around, eyes blazing.
“No, no lies!” Tiggy wailed.
I hissed at the both of them, baring my teeth.
“Any more secrets we need to be aware of, Sam of Lies?” Gary cried.
“Capitalized,” Tiggy moaned. “It true. It true.”
I turned away from them, unable to take their gazes upon me, and instead stared off into nothing, contemplating the tragedies of my life. “You cannot understand my reasons.”
“Oh cannot I?” Gary asked. Then, “Wait. You should have said that I can’t understand your reasons. That way, I could have said oh can’t I? It would have sounded a lot better.”
“Sorry,” I said, turning back around. “I’m not used to being overly dramatic about everything.”
“Another lie,” Tiggy said.
Gary gasped. “He’s right. You’re overdramatic about everything! I feel like I don’t even know you at all!”
“Stranger Sam,” Tiggy said morosely. “Capitalized too, motherfucker.”
“The life of a wizard is a lonely one,” I said plaintively. “One whose path is rife with the dangers and mysteries of my profession. You can’t possibly understand the weight that I find myself under.”
“Oh can’t I?” Gary snapped. “That was a much better setup, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“We’re getting better at this.”
“It would seem so.”
“Hold on. I want to stand in front of the fireplace for a more dramatic effect for my next bout of epicness.”
“I want epicness,” Tiggy said with a pout.
“Hmm,” Gary said, looking around. “Oh! Tiggy, see that completely disgusting painting on the wall? Your epicness shall come from ripping it off its moorings and then smashing it over your knee. That might even be the most epic of all.”
“Yay!” Tiggy said as he skipped over toward the painting.
“I painted that the last time I was here,” I pointed out.
“I know,” Gary said. “It’s atrocious. How do I look?” He posed in front of the roaring fire, chest sticking out, one leg bent up in front of him.
“Badass,” I said, because it was the truth.
“Awesome,” he breathed. “This is going to be great. Okay. Places, everyone.”
I made myself look pensive and forlorn.
Gary made himself look as if he were filled to the brim with furious indignation.
Tiggy was ready to smash.
“Everyone ready?” Gary asked. “Good. I’ll go first.” He coughed. “Me me me memememe. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather.” He coughed again. “Okay! And action.” He flipped his mane beautifully. “And now,” he growled, “we stand here with all your secrets exposed. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“There are more forces at work here than you could possibly imagine,” I said, staring off into the distance as if contemplating the road I still had yet to travel. “Forces you couldn’t possibly understand.”
“GWAAAAH!” Tiggy roared, ripping the painting off the wall. He smashed it over his knee, the frame splintering as the canvas split.
“Do you see!” Gary shrieked. “This is what your decisions have wrought. That painting has been destroyed, much as you have destroyed my heart.”
“Why?” Tiggy sobbed, the pieces of the painting falling to the ground around him. “Oh why?”
“I never wanted this,” I begged. “You have to believe me!”
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” Gary said, flipping his mane again. The fire snapped and crackled behind him. “How do we know that we can ever trust a word out of your mouth ever again?”
“Gary,” Tiggy whispered.
“Yes, Tiggy.”
“Smash another painting?”
“Hmm. Would that be overkill? I suppose it would be rather fresh. I mean, who would expect two paintings to be destroyed dramatically? Hmmmm—yes. I will allow it.”
“Yay!” Tiggy said, skipping over to another painting on the wall.
“I painted that one too,” I pointed out.
“I’m aware,” Gary said. “Its blight upon this world must be cleansed.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Sam, when I see it, I want to punch myself in the face with my fist. And in case you didn’t know, I don’t even have hands to make a fist, that’s how much I hate it.”
“Ow,” I said. “My feelings.”
“I’m sure. It’s always devastating to find out a hobby you’ve devoted so much time to brings sadness to others. Well, I assume it’s devastating because I’ve never actually experienced that. I’m good at all my hobbies.”
“GWAAAAHH!” Tiggy shouted, ripping the painting off the wall and smashing that one too.
“I think this scene has gotten out of hand,” I said.
“A little,” Gary admitted. “But it was pretty good, if I do say so myself. Also, I should probably move away from the fire, because I think my ass is burning.”
“Hug now?” Tiggy asked, picking pieces of the painting out of his hair.
“Hug now,” Gary said.
And no one said anything as I ran toward them, Tiggy catching both of us as we crashed into him, his big arms holding us close.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered to them.
“We know,” Gary said gently, pressing his snout against the side of my head. “It’s scary. But no one should have to carry that burden alone, Sam. Especially you. Not when you have us.”
“No more secrets,” Tiggy said. “Okay?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Even though everything was shitty right now, even though Ryan wasn’t exactly talking to me, and even though so many things were up in the air, I had these two, and I thought maybe I always would.