“You are supposed to be the great wizard?” it said, lips rippling over spiky teeth. “I know the man at your side, but you? You are nothing but a child.”
“Rude,” I said. “So I choose to take it as a compliment about how youthful I look. Thank you.”
“Oh my,” the dragon behind us said. “He makes me just want to die. I must keep him. Please, please let me.”
“He’s foul,” the wall dragon said. “I would not have him soiling our lair.”
“I just took a shower yesterday—”
“But,” the wall dragon said.
“Ohh,” the cliff dragon said. “I like it when you say but. Do it again.”
“But,” the wall dragon said.
“Ooh,” the cliff dragon said.
“What is even going on right now?” I asked.
“But,” the wall dragon said, “what if there was a way to make him smell better?”
“Do I really smell that bad?” I asked Randall. “I mean, you only have old-man soap at Castle Freeze Your Ass Off, but I didn’t think it was that bad. I don’t know why you can’t just get the soaps they sell at the City of Lockes. Those ones have cool names like Wolf Thorne and Manticore Madness. Those are man soaps.”
“What would make him smell better?” the cliff dragon breathed.
The wall dragon bared its teeth. “Fear.”
“I am sufficiently scared now,” I squeaked, taking a step back.
“Oh,” the cliff dragon said as it stood on all four legs. “That’s right. It makes the meat sweeter too.”
“I’m going to be honest,” I said as I reached for Randall. My hand curled into the front of his robes. “My meat is probably really sweet right now. Which is not something I ever expected to say to dragons in an ice cave, so yay! New experiences and all. Hey, Randall?”
“Sam.”
“I have a new idea.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah.”
The dragons hissed.
“It can’t be any worse than the last one.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Ready?”
“As I will ever be.”
“Okay. Here it is.”
The wall dragon’s leg muscles coiled like it was ready to pounce.
“Run.”
I jerked Randall by the robe as the wall dragon leaped at us. Its mouth was open wide, row after row of razor-sharp teeth flying toward us. Randall stumbled behind me, tripping me as he fell onto my back. I was knocked forward to my knees, sliding along the ice. My pack hit the ground and bounced away.
It was probably the only thing that saved us. As soon as we hit the ground, the dragon flew over us, jaw snapping, missing us by inches. The underbelly of the dragon wasn’t feathered but instead consisted of soft-looking white flesh. Its tail was long and had white and blue feathers across the top. The tip ended in a large plume that seemed iridescent in the failing light.
It roared in anger as it flew over us, and even before it got the chance to turn back around, I was pulling Randall to his feet and reaching down to grab my pack.
“I hope you’re into running,” I snapped at Randall, shoving him back toward the way we’d come. “Because we really need to do a lot of it right now.”
And apparently he was, because he took off more quickly than I would have expected. I glanced back over my shoulder again to see the wall dragon’s wings spread wide, feathers rippling as it slowed and twisted back around toward us. The cliff dragon’s wings were spread too as it prepared to take flight.
“You leave my sweetmeats alone!” I shouted back at them before I took off after Randall. It was not an exit line I was proud of.
The dragons roared behind us, and I heard the flapping of wings.
I didn’t look back.
Randall was waiting for me at the entrance to the dragons’ lair, eyes wide as he saw whatever the dragons were doing behind me. I figured that since I’d never seen that look on his face before, it probably wasn’t a good thing. I ran past him, intent on pulling him along with me, but he knocked my hands away before I could curl my fists into his robes.
“What are you—” I started.
But his hands were twitching at his sides, and I felt the rush of magic around me, like it was getting sucked out of the air. Sometimes I forgot just how powerful Randall could be, and it was reminders like this that showed he was not a man to be trifled with.
The ice cracked beneath our feet, the floor shaking. The dragons were hurtling toward us, wings folded against their sides. They were almost to us, and I— The ice rose from the ground, great columns that shot up toward the ceiling. One of the dragons snarled angrily before the entrance to the lair was covered in a wall of thick ice. The shadows of the dragons slid along the ice as their wings snapped open, stopping them from smashing into the wall.
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “That was awesome.”
Randall rolled his eyes. “I can do magic, Sam. Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I don’t know how to kick some ass.”
“Dude,” I said. “I am telling everyone you just said kick some ass. That’s just fucking gnarly. Old people rock.”
He mumbled something threatening toward my person, but I saw right through it.
But before I could call him on it, there came a faint orange glow from the other side of the wall. It was quickly joined by a second one, and it refracted against the ice wall beautifully, like ripples along the surface of a lake.
“What is that?” I asked, raising my hand to touch the ice. “It looks almost like… like—”
Randall’s eyes were wide. “Like fire.”
“Sweet molasses,” I managed to say.
The orange lights erupted. Great plumes of fire smashed into the ice wall, and it cracked down the middle. I could feel the heat of the flames through the wall and watched in horror as a lick of fire curled through the crack. The ice began to split even more, and Randall grabbed my hand, jerking me toward the cave entrance.
The heat at our backs grew exponentially as we ran. I looked back over my shoulder in time to see the ice wall shatter, steam rising as fire shot through, melting the chunks of ice that tumbled to the ground. The dragons both tried to fit through the small opening at the same time, but the remains of the wall held, though it creaked dangerously. Two sets of claws reached out, scraping along the ice, scrabbling for purchase.
I ran, following Randall, his robes flowing with every step he took. He was light and quick, and I almost had a hard time keeping up, my feet sliding along the ice, the weight of my pack throwing me off-balance. I gave brief thought to tossing it aside, but Ryan’s letter was rolled up safely inside, and I couldn’t bear to part with it. I shouldn’t have brought it to begin with, but I hadn’t known how long I was going to be gone for. If I tossed it now, the dragons might destroy it. I couldn’t have that.
The fact that these dragons were assholes shouldn’t have surprised me.
They were testing me.
Just like Zero had.
Just like Kevin had.
The fact that neither Zero nor Kevin had exactly known they were testing me didn’t matter. Zero was a child. He’d said he thought we were playing. Kevin was just… Kevin. He was a douchebag who had wanted to hoard pretty things.
These two, though.
They knew what they were doing.
Maybe they did want to eat me.