“Back in the day, apparently. Or so you’ve said before.”
His eyebrows twitched again. “Back in my day, we didn’t have need for charm. We were blunt and honest, and it still got me what I needed. They were the Epperson Twins, and I had just turned ninety-seven. I was young and able to achieve erections at the drop of a hat—”
“Oh no,” I whispered in abject horror. “What have I done?”
Because he was old as fuck, I stood there, in the entrance hall of Castle Freeze Your Ass Off, listening in mounting disdain as he recounted yet another story of his youth that was disgustingly and brutally descriptive, and yet again, I found myself knowing more than I ever wanted to about the great wizard Randall.
Not for the first time, I wondered what had happened after all that. When he’d met the man who would become the love of his life for the first time. The man who would become his cornerstone, and whose cornerstone he had become in return. The man who would end up falling into the dark.
That was the first moment I began to see Randall for something more than an antagonistic elderly person who held the keys to my future in his hand and a noose around my throat.
I didn’t like it one bit.
I DIDN’T see Randall for the rest of the day.
I put my pack in my room, hearing it thunk weirdly on the ice as I set it on the floor near the large sleigh bed against the wall. I opened it, not knowing what could have made that sound, and saw a square wooden contraption set near the top. Ruv’s sand sailboard. In all the commotion, I’d forgotten that he’d somehow put it in the pack before we left Mashallaha. I didn’t know why he’d given it to me, and wondered what possible use I could have for it.
But it was soon forgotten when I saw a folded sheet of parchment tied onto the cloth sail with a piece of string. That hadn’t been there before. I would have seen it.
I plucked it from my pack and unrolled it. A little folded sheet of paper fell from it, but I ignored it as my heart stuttered in my chest at the sight of the familiar tight scrawl that lined the parchment. I didn’t know when he’d had time to write this or hide it in my pack. That devious bastard.
Sam,
You probably are wondering when I could have been such a devious bastard to be able to write this or hide this in your pack.
“Dude,” I said fondly. “You are so awesome.”
You’re sleeping now, and the light is barely coming above the horizon. I’m sitting at the desk in a gay brothel about to write you a love letter, which is something I never thought I’d ever put down on parchment, but then a majority of the things that happen with you are things I never thought would happen to me.
“That’s because I make your life amazing,” I chided him softly. “And you watched me sleep? Man, that is so creepy.”
And no, I’m not watching you sleep, so you can get that out of your head right now.
“Well played, Knight Delicious Face.” I wiped my eyes before continuing.
You’re leaving my side in a few hours, and even though I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do, it scares me more than it did when I awoke to the sound of lightning in Mashallaha to find your side of the bed empty. In case you hadn’t noticed, when we’re apart, you tend to get yourself into trouble.
“That… is sort of true.”
I need you to listen to me now, okay? Just in case I didn’t say it enough last night or if I don’t say it enough later this morning. Sam, I need you to take care of yourself. I need you to be okay. I need you to stay alive, and healthy, and whole. I cannot lose you. After everything we’ve been through, I cannot lose you. So even though there may be part of you that is reckless, that thinks to yourself that you can do this all on your own, please don’t. Wait for us. Wait for me.
I know you’ve kept things from me. I know there are things about this whole… destiny thing that you haven’t told me. You’re not as good at keeping secrets as you think you are. I may not know exactly what you’ve hidden from me, but I know it’s there.
“Well, fuck,” I muttered.
I know there are bigger things at play than just you and me. And I know there is so much hanging over you right now. But I saw the look on your face, Sam, when you were told of how potentially long your life could be in comparison to my own. To that of Justin and the King. To your parents’. And even though we haven’t had a chance to discuss it like we should, I know how much that hurt you. How much it probably scares you.
Sam, you are the greatest wizard I know.
“You only know a couple of wizards,” I said with a sniff.
I know I only know a couple of wizards, but it wouldn’t matter if I met every single one that ever existed, I would still think the same.
“Touché. You asshole.”
And I promise you this: even knowing everything I know now, even with all that has come toward us, if I had to do this all over again, I would choose you. Every time, I would choose you. Life isn’t defined by how long it is. It’s the moments you have while you’re alive. And even if I age and you don’t, or if something were to happen to one of us before the other, I have been filled with so many moments between you and I (don’t make that dirty, I’m trying to be sweet) that I have lived a thousand lifetimes since I was a fucking asshole mothercracking jerk and waited until I was getting married to someone else to tell you how I felt. And I know that I’ve felt this way, in some way shape or form, since that day in the alley, even if all I wanted to do back then was beat the ever-loving shit crap stuffing out of you.
These are the moments I cherish, because I cherish you.
Don’t do anything stupid. And get that look off your face I know is there right now because I just said that. I’m being serious. DON’T DO ANYTHING STUPID.
“We might know each other a little too well,” I said with a frown.
Everything will be all right. I’m coming for you. Even as you read this, I’m coming for you.
(Don’t make that dirty either. I’m not doing impressions of Kevin.)
I laughed. It sounded a little hoarse.
So just hold on a little while longer, okay? Listen to Randall (DON’T MURDER HIM!!!!!). I’ll be by your side again before you know it.
And after I let you fuck me stupid (and I’m going to leave that as is, because “let you mothercrack me stupid” sounds terrible, and sometimes I really dislike that fact that you won’t let me cuss. I AM A GROWN FUCKING MOTHERCRACKING MAN), you and I are going to have a long talk about everything. All cards on the table, okay?
Because that’s what it means to be a cornerstone, Sam. I’m not only here to help you build your magic. I am here to help you carry your burdens, to make them my own so that you know that you’re not alone in this.
So.
Be good.
Stay safe.
I love you.