“Even if we’re sex gods,” he said, “it’s going to start feeling gross here in a little bit.”
“Eh. That’s a problem for future us. Present us feels pretty damn good right now.”
“You’re not the one leaking out your ass.”
That should not have been as hot as it was. My dick gave a feeble attempt at getting hard again, but it was a no-go. I told Ryan as much, feeling he needed to know.
“Sometimes thoughts should remain just that.”
“Lie,” I said, rubbing my chin on his chest. “You like it when I talk dirty to you.”
He shuddered as I bit his nipple. “Okay, Sam,” he said, and I didn’t think I could love him any more than I did right then.
LATER, AFTER we cleaned ourselves and stripped the bed, we lay side by side, heads upon the same pillow, breaths mingling, noses brushing together. It certainly wasn’t home: the bed was too soft, the room creaked differently, the sounds of the brothel weren’t the same as the sounds of a castle. But Ryan was here with me, and that was as close to home as I’d ever needed.
And it was about to be taken away from me. At least for a little while.
“I hate Randall,” I told him seriously. “And Morgan.” It was the first time either of us had spoken in a while.
“I don’t think you do,” he said, tracing my eyebrows with a finger. “You say you do, but you’re all talk sometimes.”
“I feel like that was an insult.”
“Probably. But it wasn’t. Mostly.”
“How comforting.”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t like it. But I can kind of see his point.”
That… wasn’t what I expected. “Say what now?”
“Don’t look at me like that, Sam. At least hear me out.”
“I always do.”
“You’re still sort of glaring at me.”
“Yeah. That’s probably not going to change.”
He laughed quietly. “I don’t doubt it.”
“Speak, Foxheart, before I kick you out of bed.”
The mirth slid from his face. “You didn’t….” He sighed. “You didn’t see yourself. Not like I did. After what happened with Myrin. You don’t know what it was like to have to find you buried under all that rubble. To see your body twisted. To see you breathing so slowly that I thought you weren’t breathing at all at first. Do you know what that was like?” His eyes were bright. “And then… to see those scars upon you.”
I tensed, trying to fold in on myself in an attempt to hide them away. We were still nude, and for the first time in days, I hadn’t even thought of them. Sure, I’d felt them pulling when we’d fucked, but it had been negligible, a whisper at the back of my head.
“No,” he said, reaching up to cup my face, stopping me from curling away from him. “Sam, don’t do that. Don’t hide from me. You know I don’t care about them.”
“You sure just made it sound like you did.”
He was frustrated. I could see it on his face. “Not like that,” he said. “I don’t care what you look like.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Sam.”
I winced. “Sorry.”
“They’re part of you. I hate how you got them, but I’ll never hate how they look. But maybe Randall and Morgan are right. Your magic. It’s… big, Sam. Bigger than anything I’ve ever seen, and from what it sounds like, bigger than even they expected. And if Randall of all people is telling you that, we should probably listen to him.”
I scowled at him, even though I knew he was telling the truth. And the problem with him telling the truth was that I was keeping so much from him. From everyone, really. And not because I didn’t trust them. No. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Of course I trusted Ryan. And Randall. And Morgan. And even if the latter two had lied to me about so many things, I knew they’d done so in order to protect me.
Which is what I was telling myself I was doing for them.
I almost believed it too.
“You’re my cornerstone,” I said. “We shouldn’t be separated. Not this soon.”
“I don’t like it much either.”
“But….”
He shrugged. “But there has to be a reason for it, right? A point. Randall wouldn’t do it just because he’s an asshole.”
“Actually, he would do it just because he’s an asshole. And watch your mouth.”
“I can’t believe you talk about him like that.”
“I can’t believe how much you kiss his ass every time you see him.”
“He’s Randall.”
“I know, right? It’s so annoying.”
He laughed. I loved that sound. “You’re such a dick.”
“Sometimes.” I captured his hand and kissed his fingers. “I get that you’re worried about me. You don’t have to be.”
“It’s kind of my job.”
“It shouldn’t have to be.”
He stared at me. “You get captured by villains at least once a week.”
“Well. I’d like to think it’s gone monthly now, but—”
“Let’s say biweekly and leave it at that—”
“Who’s going to call you out when you pose for no apparent reason when I’m not there?”
“I don’t pose. And Gary and Tiggy will do it, because they say it all the time.”
“Huh,” I said. “I might feel a little bit better about this.” Then, “You can’t fall back in love with Justin.”
He squinted at me. “Run that one by me again?”
“Justin. You guys will be traveling together, and maybe one night you’ll get to reminiscing, and then that’ll lead to fleeting touches and accidental hand jobs—”
“Fleeting touches? What the hell is a fleeting touch—”
“—and you’ll wake up awkwardly the next morning, spunk drying on your hands, evidence of your coupling branding you in your shame—”
“And don’t even get me started on accidental hand jobs. How does that even—”
“—and then you’ll arrive at Castle Freeze Your Ass Off and announce that you’ve adopted three gypsy babies and are planning on moving to an organic farm in the country called the Rusty Rystin, where you and Justin will spend the rest of your lives in unholy bliss while I waste away to an old, miserly spinster who hisses at people to look away from my face because it’s hideous.”
He was gaping at me.
“Or something,” I added.
“Or something,” he repeated.
“I dunno,” I said, looking away.
“Sam.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Are you serious right now? You know I never loved him.”
“Yeah,” I said petulantly. “You never loved him enough to almost marry him.”
“Gods,” he groaned. “I can’t believe the both of you still give me shit for that.”
“Well, you did wait until the very last moment to announce your undying love for me in front of everyone.”
“Right,” he said dryly. “My undying love. Funny how you think then I’d throw that all away for an accidental hand job. And I’m still wondering how that works. Does he trip and fall and his hand hits my dick and then we just keep going?”
“The world is a mysterious place,” I said.
“You’re an idiot.”
“Hey! We’re laying on a pillow. You can’t call me an idiot when we’re having pillow talk.”
“You’re talking about me having an organic farm called the Rusty Rystin!”
“I think of great names for things,” I said. “It’s one of my many, many talents.”
“Sam,” he said. “I’m never going to leave you.”