I curled my lips up at him in disgust.
“Especially that face—that one’s my favorite. If I squint and tilt my head you resemble a pissed-off poodle. Tell me, does your hair have a name? Considering it’s like a separate organism living off your body? Let’s call it Parasite Bob.”
“You’re a parasite!” I yelled.
“Shh, Sebastian. We’ll get you back to the ocean, just calm down.”
“I’m not a crab!” I wailed, suddenly craving crab like none other.
“Of course you don’t have crabs!” Reid countered. “Poor thing.” He motioned his head toward curious onlookers. “It’s a good thing our city cares for the homeless.”
I dug my feet into the ground. “I’m not homeless, you bastard!”
“Then show me where you live so I can make you a pot of coffee and hatch out a plan that leaves Max out of our lives and keeps us from going to prison.”
“Prison? Why would we go to prison?”
“Max. I may kill him. I’ve threatened him for years, but this may just be the one time I follow through.” His face was serious; not a hint of humor marred his perfect features. Okay, so maybe it was safer for all parties if we got farther away from the building.
I nodded, suddenly realizing it was a very real possibility that Reid would turn around, jump on Britney, ride to the top, and kick his brother in the family jewels. “Fine, my house is . . .” I looked down the road, then up the road, then blinked up at the sun.
“Saturn?”
“No.” I pushed on Reid’s muscled chest. “I live . . . in Midtown-ish.”
“Midtown—ish?”
“I think so.”
“You think so?”
“Stop repeating everything I say!”
Reid held up his hands. “Fine, let’s grab a cab and pray you at least remember your address so we aren’t roaming the streets. I don’t take you for the type who would actually survive overnight in the elements.”
He hailed a cab, shoved me in—not very gently, mind you—and turned those aqua-blue weapons in my direction. “So?”
“Er, Koreatown, fifty West Thirty-Fourth.”
“Koreatown,” Reid repeated. “I should have known.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll have you know I live next to the Macy’s flagship store. I’m within walking distance of Grand Central and—”
Reid held up his hand. “Not a tourist, you don’t need to sell me on New York, Sebastian.”
“Stop calling me that!”
“Sorry, Shrew.”
I groaned into my hands and prayed it would take us only a few minutes to make it to my apartment.
It didn’t.
Because, as I previously stated, I was clearly unlucky.
Twenty minutes later, the booze had worn off and I was left feeling itchy, sweaty, gross, and dehydrated.
I threw a twenty at the driver and basically launched myself from the car, hoping my catlike reflexes would startle Reid and cause him to stay in the car and disappear so I could wallow in shameful peace.
Clearly he wasn’t easy to get rid of.
He gripped my wrist, got out of the cab, and slowly walked with me to the door.
The doorman tipped his hat as we walked in, which only made things worse. That same doorman had stopped me on multiple occasions, accusing me of stalking some of the residents. It probably didn’t help that I’d gone on one date with my neighbor and when I refused to go out with him again, because he had a gross cheese fetish, he made a scene in the lobby.
Since then, I’d had three run-ins with Dwight.
He threatened to call security on me only once.
Since then we’d given each other a wide berth. I ignored him and he ignored me.
“Excuse me.” Dwight cleared his throat and approached us just as I hit the button for my floor.
Gritting my teeth, I turned and crossed my arms, ready for a battle.
“Yes?” Reid answered.
Dwight looked down at the ground, then back up at Reid, his ruddy face flushed with excitement. I’d never seen the man so much as hint that he had a sense of humor or knew how to smile. He was in his midfifties, losing most of his hair except for a small patch I could only assume he refused to cut, right in the middle.
“I saw your show last year at least a dozen times.”
“Oh, wow.” Reid nodded. “Thanks, man, that means a lot.”
“You are”—Dwight held out his hands, his eyes blurring with tears. Oh, dear Lord—“hands down the best Phantom this world has ever seen.”
Lay it on thick, Dwight. I half expected him to burst into tears.
“We have to go,” I snapped, ignoring the fact that my estrogen seemed to immediately triple in supply at the thought of Reid wearing a cape. Hot damn.
Dwight’s eyes narrowed. “You sure you live here?”
“For the past two years,” I said through clenched teeth. “Reid.” I gripped his arm. “Come on.”
His arm was so firm, strong. I glanced up.
Cape, cape, cape! my body freaking sang. Oh, man, I wonder if he kept the mask?
“Sir.” Dwight shook his head. “An absolute pleasure.”
Reid reached out and patted his shoulder. “For me too.” He glanced down at the name tag. “Dwight.”