Leslie hadn’t even had to tell me. I already knew. I felt him approach.
Reaching down for my pendent, I watched her reach for her pendent too. Smiling, we chanted together. “We make our own luck. Own love. Own life. Own legacy.” Then we kissed our clovers, sealing the wish.
We laughed, then both our faces twisted into the early onset of an ugly cry. “I love you, Zoe.”
“I love you, Les.”
Leslie stood and poked a finger in Gray’s chest. “You better be good to her.” Before he could react, she gave me a wink and strode down the aisle, the exaggerated swing of her hips making me smile.
“She’s kinda scary,” Gray said and sat down next to me.
“She’s awesome.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, that too.”
As if a hand was pushing me toward him, I leaned sideways until my head was on his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here.”
He kissed my hair, wrapping an arm around me. “I want to be wherever you are.”
That surprised me. I looked up at him. “So, you’d stay in California?”
He nodded, his pupils flaring to cover the blue. “Anywhere.”
I grinned, feeling the ease of being with him surround me. “My next novel will feature Paris. Will you go there?”
“Oui. And since that’s the only French word I know, I guess I better get Rosetta Stone.”
“Je prendrai soin de toi.” He lifted a brow, and I translated. “I will take care of you.”
“I’m impressed.”
“Three years of high school French is bored into my brain.”
The silence stretched, lengthened. One of the funeral home workers discreetly cleared his throat.
“I guess that’s our signal,” Gray said and stood, offering me his hand.
I smiled and linked my fingers through his, my knees feeling like an old lady’s as I rose. Then I reached up and stroked his shorter hair, his trimmed beard. I kinda missed the rugged look, but he looked mighty fine this way too.
“I’m glad you didn’t shave off your beard.”
He smiled, and there was a hint of sadness in the gesture. “I knew you liked it.”
I stroked the soft hair, ran a thumb over his lips. “I do like it, and I like the person underneath it. Very much.”
“Zoe…” His hand came to the base of my neck. “There’s so much I want to say to you. I—”
I stroked his mouth with my thumb again. “Later. Right now, please take me home.”
He pushed my hair from my face, tucked a lock behind my ear. “Absolutely. You’ll have to give me the address. It’s funny how I know you so deeply but I don’t know simple things like that.”
I bit my lip, cocking my head to the side. “I’m actually not sure of the address, actually. It’s somewhere on top of Montana.”
He exhaled, and it was like every cell in his body released some built-up tension. The gap between his teeth showed, making my heart ache. “I think I know the place.”
Our lips touched, and everything in the universe aligned, falling into place as we came together. “Where’s Maggie and Go?”
“The owners of Pop’s are keeping them. Mrs. Pop cried when she learned you were okay. She’s been blaming herself for letting you leave the store that day.”
My heart squeezed. “I’m so sorry I worried her. She’s such a sweet lady. I adore her.”
“Yeah, I think she adores you too. And her son has a mad crush. I think I have some competition.”
I linked my fingers with his. “Let’s go. I want to see them all.” Then the smile faded as I looked over at Mom’s casket. The gold coffin was only for today. Tomorrow, she would be cremated as were her wishes.
“I don’t want to spend eternity in a hole,” she’d told me once in her dramatic fashion, tossing her arms wide. “Spread my ashes into the air, set me free.”
And I would set her free in every way I could.
“Give me a minute.”
Gray nodded and squeezed my fingers, pressing his lips to my forehead again. On shaky legs, I headed to where she lay.
I laid my hand on the casket and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that your life was so hard. It wasn’t fair. I hope you can find peace now.”
What else should I say?
I wanted to say that I was sorry I couldn’t love her like a daughter should love her mother. I wanted to say that I was sorry for being embarrassed, for sometimes hating her instead.
Words were powerful, but sometimes useless as the guilt that produced them, so I leaned down and pressed my cheek to the cold metal instead. “Be free, Cyn Meadows,” I whispered and added a word I hadn’t said in years… “Mommy.”
Straightening, I turned my back on the past and faced my present. My future. My everything.
He held out his hand, and I took it gladly, following him into the heat of the L.A. night.
***
Hours later, I stepped off the plane into the crisp air of Montana. An hour after that, I was being squeezed practically to death by Mrs. Pop. Maggie was barking and Go was climbing my leg. Pop Junior Junior stood in the corner, giving Gray the evil eye.
Then we were at the cabin. Home. The stress of the past few days fell from my shoulders as I stepped inside and Gray struck a match to the fire. I followed him to the bedroom where he did the same.
When he stood, the fire flaming at his back, I went to him, stepping into his embrace, saying what had been building up in my chest. I’d said the words before, as I left him a few days ago, but needed to say them again, when I returned.
“I love you, Gray.”
His nostrils flared, and his lips crashed down on mine, his hands moving down my back, grabbing my ass and pulling me against him, then up until my legs were around his waist. In a few long strides, the mattress was at my back.
I wanted him. Needed him in a way that was primal and raw. In a way I never knew my body craved.
“You have too many clothes on,” Gray murmured against my lips, and sat up, pulling me until I was sitting too. “Hands up.” Smiling, I complied, and then my shirt was gone and on the floor. Seconds later, my bra was gone too.
As he cupped my breasts, my body instantly ignited, the rough calluses on his hands causing the ache deep in my belly to verge on painful. I needed him to soothe it, take the agony away. To take me to the place only he could show me. The place where I didn’t have to think — I just had to be.
He growled, taking my mouth again, our lips crashing together, his tongue seeking entrance, claiming mine completely. I surrendered. Surrendered everything. I’d give him anything he wanted. Anything at all.
I pushed up his shirt, needing his skin too, our lips breaking apart only long enough to rid him of the barrier. My movements were frantic as I pressed us close together, trying to merge my body into his.
I was gasping when he broke the kiss, his lips moving down my jaw to my neck. Then lower, nipping my shoulder before licking all the way down to my breast.