“What?” I asked.
“After the fight,” she began. “Your father… He collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital.”
I sat up straight and dropped her hands.
“He has a brain tumor,” Tara continued. “Apparently, he’s had it for a while now. He didn’t tell anyone, but after your fight with Zach, he just… His body couldn’t take it, I guess.”
“Is he—” I choked, fear flooding my body.
“He’s alive,” Tara said quickly. “He’s okay for now, but I think you should go see him. It would mean so much to him if you did.”
I leaned back in my chair and shook my head slowly. I knew Tara meant well, but she was wrong. If my fight with Zach caused my father to collapse, then I was the last person he wanted to see. Besides, I wasn’t the son he favored.
“He won’t want to see me,” I said. “When Zach and Claire had their affair, my father stood by Zach. We were all a family back then, but after the affair, Dad took Zach’s side without a second thought. He kept Zach on at the company and didn’t give me a second thought. Trust me, he does not want to see me right now.”
“Yes,” Tara said firmly. “He does. I know him, Sean.”
“So, do I,” I said stubbornly.
“You have to stop thinking that you aren’t good enough,” Tara said with frustration.
“What?”
“You constantly let your insecurities overwhelm you,” she said. “With Claire. With Paisley. With your father.”
“That’s not what this—” I began, but she cut me off.
“It is,” she snapped. “You don’t think you’re good enough for anything. You question whether you should even be a father to Paisley, and that’s just insane. I’ve seen how much you love her and how much she loves you. You are exactly what that little girl needs and you are exactly what your father needs. Sean, he needs you so much right now.”
“I don’t think I can,” I said.
“You have to,” she insisted. “Because, if you don’t, he’s going to die, and you’ll hate yourself forever. If you don’t say goodbye to him, if you don’t give him a chance to say goodbye to you, then you will never forgive yourself.”
“How do you know?” I asked softly. “How do you know that this isn’t for the best?”
“Because I know you,” she said simply. “You mean more to people than you think. You mean everything to Paisley and to me. And, as much as you don’t want to believe it, you mean everything to your father.”
I blinked, unsure of what to say. Part of me wanted to believe Tara, but a bigger part felt anxious and inadequate. After all these years, did my father even still care about me?
“You have to go see him, Sean,” Tara said. “You have to.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Tara
Sean, Paisley, and I left for the hospital in Sean’s car. I offered to drive, but he needed to feel in control of something. I could tell by the set of his jaw that our visit with Ray was going to be difficult. Sean spent years resenting his father, and now, it was time to say goodbye and Sean didn’t know how to do that. As we drove down the highway, I tried to think of something to say that might calm Sean’s nerves. Nothing came to mind.
When we pulled into the parking lot at the hospital, Sean climbed out of the car and held Paisley’s door open for her. She jumped out, and I joined them on the sidewalk. Sean’s eyes were hard, determined. He picked up Paisley to carry her inside. He seemed to need her comfort more than he wanted to admit. Holding her held him together.
I brushed my fingers against Sean’s arm as we walked inside. He glanced at me with the hint of a smile. It was subtle, almost nonexistent, but it was enough. I didn’t know exactly how to help Sean. All I could do was be there, so that’s what I was determined to do. I would stand by him as long as he wanted. I would hold his hand. I would make sure he wasn’t alone.
Pausing at the nurse’s station, I quickly explained who Sean and Paisley were. The nurse nodded and waved us on. I led the way to Ray’s room and let Sean step inside first. His pace slowed as he crossed the threshold, but he kept moving. Paisley had her arms wrapped tightly around Sean’s neck. She looked a little nervous. After all, we hadn’t explained to her why we were there. For a little girl, hospitals were scary.
“It’s okay,” Sean whispered to her. “There’s just someone I want you to meet.”
I followed Sean into the room, and my eyes fell on Ray. Sean stopped walking and stared. I glanced at him, but he only had eyes for his father. Ray was lying on the bed with his eyes slightly open. His mouth was agape, and I couldn’t tell if he was awake or not. I could see the whites of his eyes but nothing else. He looked tired and old, but peaceful.
“Ray,” I said softly. “Ray, there’s someone here to see you.”
Ray’s eyes flickered open slowly. He blinked a few times before he could focus on our faces. He looked from me to Sean, then to Paisley. His face lit up in a bright smile, and he tried to sit up in bed.
“Don’t,” I said quickly, moving toward him. “You shouldn’t exert yourself right now. Just rest.”
Ray obeyed and fell back against his pillow. He stared at Sean with meaning in his eyes. Sean looked back at him silently. There was so much they both wanted to say that I wasn’t sure either of them knew where to begin.
Finally, Sean cleared his throat and stepped forward. He shifted Paisley in his arms as he approached Ray’s bedside.
“Paisley,” Sean said. “This is your grandpa.”
Ray’s eyes widened at the introduction, and his smile grew even wider. His entire world seemed to light up at Sean’s words.
“Hi Paisley,” Ray said softly. “It’s very nice to see you again.”
“Hi,” Paisley said. She tightened her grip on Sean’s neck. “Are you sick?”
“I am,” Ray said with a nod. “But that’s okay. I don’t feel so bad today.”
“Will you get better?” Paisley asked, her child’s voice too innocent for the room. I gulped and fought back tears. The last thing they needed was to see me cry.
“Probably not,” Ray said. “But that’s okay, too.”
“It is?” Paisley asked. Sean sniffed.
“Yeah.” Ray smiled. “When you’re old like me, things like being sick don’t bother you so much. All I care about is that I got to see you.”
“Really?” Paisley asked.
“Really,” Ray said. “You and your dad.”
“I’m sorry, dad,” Sean said. I couldn’t see his face, but I could hear the emotion in his voice. I wanted to reach out and hold him, but I knew it wasn’t the time.