“Are you going to be in danger from bringing me here tonight?” Dade asked, picking his way along the edge of the bridge.
Arden shrugged. “I’m always in danger.”
“If they find out I’m with you, it’s a death sentence, isn’t it?” he pressed, showing a great depth of understanding about the position she’d placed herself in.
“Yes.” She didn’t know if he meant the Lasair, or the govies, or even the Solizen, but all the answers were yes. “I don’t regret helping you.”
“This has been an experience of a lifetime. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” The frustration she’d felt earlier had melted away. In a strange way, he understood and he cared. That knowledge left her feeling lighthearted.
Their destination was one of the original five entries to the Levels before Undercity had been closed off. It was located in an abandoned way station directly under the Sky Towers. Once the station was built, it quickly became apparent that this wasn’t the best location due to frequent flooding. Which also meant that because of the danger, the Lasair used it only in emergencies.
She pushed against the door, the lock long gone. The casing was swollen, detaching from the rock walls and emitting a groan as it opened. The crumbling station felt like a ghost town, its roof mostly gone, giving a direct view to the Undercity dome. Inside, it was still filled with old seats and dead ticket machines, and behind the guest counter, transportation route information.
The quadralift to the next Levels had been taken out and the holes blocked. But the maintenance ladders were still there.
“This is not good,” she said, shining her glo-wand around. Water pooled deep on the ground. Used tickets, maps, and other memorabilia floated in the water. The water level was higher than it had ever been this time of year. “It looks like we’re about a half hour from flooding. The bridge will be unusable at that point. We’d better hurry if I have any hope of getting home tonight.”
Dade frowned. “What if you don’t get back across in time?”
“If I get stuck, I’ll just go topside. There’s another route that will take me home. I prefer not to use it, though. It’s not safe for me to travel alone in Above at night.” She shrugged. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure it out. I always do.”
He pressed up close behind her. His hand came up to brace her waist, pulling her into him. Then he whispered into her ear, his breath heavy and warm, “I want to worry about you.”
Arden leaned back for one weak moment, her body shivering. Enjoying that sense of comfort that she wasn’t allowed often, if ever. Then she quickly pulled herself together. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She couldn’t afford to lose track of what this was.
A moment in time that wasn’t real.
Instead of staying there, she took a huge step forward, putting room between them. “Stay away from the walls—they aren’t stable.”
He followed her in the dark. She heard the splashing of his boots in the water and thought he’d let the moment go. And then.
“Why do you keep pulling away?” he asked. His words echoed, surrounding her in the shadows.
She could lie. Laugh it off. But even as she thought that, she knew that the only way to deal with this situation was to face it with the truth. “Because you confuse me.” She kept walking. Refusing to stop to discuss this. “I don’t trust you. Or . . .” She paused, thinking. “I shouldn’t trust you. But that’s pretty much the same thing.”
“You keep saying that. And yet, here I am.”
“Here you are,” Arden agreed, sighing. She shook her head, pressing her lips together.
“You feel something for me,” he said in a way that told her he already knew the answer and was determined to get her to say it out loud.
Why was he pushing this? She didn’t understand him. “I’m intrigued is all. You’re a series of contradictions.”
“Meaning?”
“First off, don’t you have a fiancée?” She stopped walking and focused the light in his face so that she could see him lie, as she suspected he would. “Why are you trying to pursue this thing between us if you’re already promised to another?”
Dade’s head tilted to the side. A wrinkle appeared in the center of his brow. “Yes, I have a fiancée?”
“Is that a question?” The absurdity of the situation made her laugh.
“I mean, yes. Yes, I do.” He paused. “Sort of. But not really.”
“It’s either yes or no.”
Dade shook his head. “Not with my life it isn’t.”
Arden huffed, turning back around and walking. “Just say what you mean.”
“Her name is Clarissa.” He paused, perhaps waiting for her to match the name with the face. But she drew a blank. Following current Solizen gossip was Colin’s strong suit. “Our parents want to join our families together. Politically it makes sense in such an unstable climate.”
Then he added as an afterthought, “It’s a solid plan, even if it won’t play out the way my father expects it to.”
“If you’re engaged, why are you flirting with me?” It was too easy to become infatuated with him. She constantly had to remind herself that he was spoken for.
“Because the engagement isn’t real,” he said. “It’s political, like I said. Plus, the wedding hasn’t happened, and if I have my way, it won’t.”
“Which means that you still have a fiancée and that you still intend on getting married.”
Dade’s expression clouded. It was the most frustration she’d seen from him all day. “You act like I have a choice. Don’t pretend your life is so different.”
“I’ve never been engaged to anyone,” she scoffed.
“No, but you’ve done things you didn’t want to do because you had to, because your family required you to. It’s no different.”
He was right. She’d done lots of things for her family that she’d regretted. And was still doing because they were required of her. But those things didn’t involve crushing her heart, like Dade getting married to someone else after she committed herself to him. That would destroy her.
“Did you fight it?” she asked, realizing that the question gave away how she felt.
“My agreement wasn’t required.” He didn’t seem fazed by that.
His reaction grated Arden. If he hadn’t fought, at some level he must consider the marriage inevitable. Even though he sounded confident that he could end the engagement. He was a bad gamble. She could never date someone who was promised to another. And then she nearly kicked herself for thinking about dating him in the first place. The thought was preposterous.
Before today, she would have said Dade had everything, but perhaps he didn’t. She considered his life in a way that she hadn’t before. He lived in the Sky Towers. Saw the sun every day. Felt its rays on his skin. He didn’t have to worry about food or the cost of life. And yet, he’d never have a life that was his own. His family had owned him from the moment he was born.
Like her life, but different.