Shocked, I duck down quickly and hurriedly retrace
my steps, going back the way I came, away from the
Spotted Cow, glad that neither of them had seen me.
Rachel and John. My mind reels, but only because I’d The Breakdown
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never expected them to get together. And is that what
they are? Together? I try to remember the body language I’d seen and it had definitely looked cosy. But a couple?
Yet the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.
They are both clever, gorgeous and fun. I imagine them having nights out, filled with laughter and drinking and a wave of sadness hits me. Why haven’t they said anything? Especially Rachel.
I slow my pace, realising that the thought of the two of them together isn’t a nice thought. Although I love Rachel dearly, John seems too much of a gentle soul to be truly happy with her. And too young. I hate that I feel disapproving and I’m glad I’ve been forewarned in case Rachel decides to tell me later when we meet that she and John are together. They might not be, of course.
Maybe they’re just meeting as ex-lovers, in which case Rachel will probably never tell me. When I think about it, she’s never told me much about the men she goes out with, probably because she never stays with them very long.
I suddenly realise that I’m not likely to find a phone shop in the direction I’m heading so I cross over the road and go back towards the centre without passing in front of the Spotted Cow. A little further along I see the Baby Boutique and I go red with embarrassment when I remember how I had pretended to be pregnant that day. As I draw level, I find myself pushing the door open and I can’t believe that I’m actually going to confess that I’d lied about expecting a baby. But if I’m to get my
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life back, I need to get it in order so I walk over to the counter, relieved that the shop is empty, relieved that the same young woman is there.
‘I don’t know if you remember me,’ I begin. She looks at me enquiringly. ‘I came in a couple of months ago and bought a sleep-suit.’
‘Yes, of course I remember you,’ she says, smiling.
‘We’re expecting babies around the same time, aren’t we?’ She looks down at my stomach and when she sees my lack of a bump she looks up at me in dismay.
‘I’m sorry,’ she falters.
‘It’s all right,’ I say hurriedly. ‘I wasn’t actually pregnant. I thought I was but I wasn’t.’
She gives me a sympathetic look. ‘Was it one of those phantom pregnancies?’ she asks and because I feel I’ve earned the right to keep a little of my integrity intact, I tell that it was probably down to a lot of wishful thinking on my part.
‘I’m sure it will happen for you soon,’ she says.
‘I hope so.’
‘If you don’t mind me saying so, I did think buying the pram was perhaps a little premature. I’m not sure what exactly we can do but if I ask our manager, I’m sure she’d agree to take it back at a slightly discounted price.’
‘I haven’t come here to try and give the pram back,’
I reassure her, realising that’s what she thinks. ‘I’m very happy to keep it. I just wanted to say hello.’
‘I’m very glad you did.’
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I say goodbye and walk towards the door, amazed at
how good I feel.
‘By the way, it was the right pram, wasn’t it? The
navy blue one?’
‘Yes,’ I say smiling.
‘Thank goodness for that. Your friend would have
shot me if I’d got it wrong.’
I go into the street, her words echoing in my ears. Your friend. Had I misunderstood? Had she been referring to the couple who’d been in the shop at the same time as me? Maybe, once I’d left the shop that day, she hadn’t been sure which pram I’d ordered and had asked them if it was definitely the blue one I’d wanted. But she had said friend and not friends and, anyway, she knew that they were just people who happened to be in the shop at the same time as me. So who was she talking about?
Even though the truth is staring me in the face, I
don’t want to believe it. The only person who knew I was in the shop that day was John, and I don’t want to believe that he arranged to have the pram sent to me because then I’d have to ask why. My head reeling again, I cross back over the road and head for Costas, where we’d gone after I bumped into him coming out of the Baby Boutique. I order a coffee and sit at the window, my eyes fixed on the shop over the road, trying to work out what could have happened.
It could be fairly innocent. John has always had a soft spot for me so maybe when he went to the shop and mentioned that I’d suggested he buy a sleep-suit for his
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