That knowledge is the only way I’m able to stay standing as I peer into his equally impassive eyes.
We look at each other past one blink, then two. Dash’s face is carefully neutral: lips and chin set still, his big body immobile in his office chair. It’s his stillness that melts the block of ice inside my chest, that lets me know he’s affected by my presence in at least some way.
I get the sudden feeling that he’s waiting for me to make the first move. Waiting for me to speak or react. Even as my neck and face flush, I refuse to give it to him. When our mutual stillness becomes too much for my poor, twitchy nerves, I square my shoulders, and Dash stands smoothly, his face tightening almost imperceptibly.
“You must be the writing intern I’ve heard so much about.” He holds out his hand as his mouth tugs into a frown, and, unbelievably, I shake it.
“Yeah,” I manage.
Damn, he’s big. His hand is warm. His face is close. Too close to me. And still, I stand in my fa?ade. I release his hand at the appropriate millisecond. I step back and give that formal sort-of smile, a brightening of the eyes and shifting of the mouth that signifies polite intentions. “Amelia,” I say in a lilting tone.
Dash turns, grasping another high-backed office chair by the spine and pushing it toward me.
“Sit. Please.”
His voice is low—and almost angry. So I pretend it doesn’t tickle my insides, it doesn’t make me want to grab him by his jaw and kiss him bruised and dig my fingertips into those thick muscles.
I want to ravage him, abandon him. I desire to make him bleed. Do to Dash what he did to me.
Eviscerate.
And so I pride myself on my demeanor. Like a character from Pearl S. Buck, I tell myself as I sit coquettishly in my chair, beside his, and listen to him introduce me to the others in our studio.
Dash sits, too—and I can smell him. Same warm skin, perhaps some product: deodorant or aftershave, shampoo.
I smile for the others—animators Adam and Ashley, writers Meredith and Bryan, a props person named Amber, an assistant named Mallorie, and of course, the other writer, Carrie. There is a friendly chorus of hellos before they turn back to their work, with Carrie settling in a cubby beside Meredith and Bryan.
I straighten my posture. Glee trills through me as Dash’s gaze dips to some papers on the desk in front of us, then lifts to mine.
For a heartbeat, I perceive uncertainty. Or maybe not. It’s gone so fast, there’s no way to be sure.
Dash blinks, frowning like he just remembered some annoyance. “Are you ready to get started?”
“Sure.”
My voice is a corporeal thing, a crisp veil in the too-warm air between us. Evidencing my travels and a fair amount of intention, I’ve shed the worst of my Southern drawl. My tone is still soft—that’s just my voice—but I know how to put a point on it when needed.
“I know you worked at Dreamworks last summer,” he says as I pull out my iPad and stylus. “I got your CV this morning, also an assessment of your strengths by our department head, Weiss, who must have hired you—and your own assessment of potential areas of improvement.”
I watch his Adam’s apple bob along the column of his tanned throat, and I can’t help wondering what he did to get the tan. Does he still water ski? Does he have that motorcycle he wanted in eighth grade? Does he have a girlfriend floating in the pool beside him?
NO, Amelia. STOP IT!
“We do things a little differently than Dreamworks. I’ll explain our process and both of our roles. We’ll be in the lead this time, with smaller teams than full production staff. Weiss has fleshed out all the teams’ projections so we’re aiming for about a reel, as are the other teams with interns. I’m sure you’re familiar with the next few months’ timeline, but we’ll go over that too. Did someone let you know potential themes?”
I’m tempted to shake my head, but I feel the need to use my voice. I tell him, “No.”
His hand, slightly curled beside his notepad, spreads, showing me his long, familiar fingers. He taps them lightly on the desk as he lifts his head and projects his voice, so the others in the room can hear him.
“Quick discussion of potential themes,” he says, and they nod, pulling out notepads and tablets. “We’ve got little critter on the move. Think flea on a coat, hopping around New York. There’s fairy tale with light intrigue, and hapless zoo animal tours the city. Think the cast of the children’s book Goodnight, Gorilla.” I inhale slowly, nodding slightly, my shoulders still squared, my back still politely stiff. “I have several twists on these, and you can spend today brainstorming some as well.”
My heart is beating so unsteady, I think I might faint, but Dash would never, ever know as I ask, “What are yours?”
He looks around, acknowledging the rest of the staffers, then at me. His eyes are hard. “The flea is one of them. Marketing might shoot it down in prelims, though.” His lips curl slightly for the first time, causing brain-melt for me. “Nobody likes fleas.”
“That’s true,” Carrie says.
“Little, itchy fuckers,” dread-locked Bryan puts in.
Mallorie shakes her frizzy, red bob, giving Bryan a small smirk.
“We could try a frog, a green tree frog—one of the thinner ones you see on windows sometimes.” Dash taps his fingers once more. “Or…” he says, sitting up straighter. I notice his pencil in his hand before he flips to a clean page in his pad. “We could go bird.” I watch Dash’s skilled strokes of lead on paper turn a bird into… My throat knots up. “Something like a dove. A bird that can live out in the wild or as a pet.”
It takes me a moment to realize he’s stopped speaking and is looking right at me. I hate myself as I swallow, barely steadying my voice enough to keep my fa?ade intact as I ask, “What happens to the dove?”
“She’s small and not very well cared for. Maybe in a busy household. One day, someone leaves her cage open. Someone comes to clean the house and leaves the window open. She flies out. She’s scared at first, but she has an adventure. Kind of Finding Nemo.”
“Why a dove?” I bore my gaze into his and keep my mouth firm.
“Why not?” He lifts one shoulder. “Doves are beautiful, unique. Also, they don’t screech.”
“What do you mean?” Ashley, with the black braid, asks.
“They make a cooing sound, doves. It’s pleasant.”
I blink a few times.
“Okay,” Carrie says. “I like a Finding Nemo vibe.”
“But not too Nemo,” Meredith says. She’s small and slender, almost child-sized, with a fluff of natural curls and a gold nose ring.
Dash sketches a ring around the bird’s neck, then does something to its wings. “Ring-necked doves are sometimes pets. They don’t like a whole lot of interaction, but they can be trained to eat from someone’s hand.”
“I like a girl who’ll eat out of my hand,” Adam drawls. I flick my gaze over his UT ball cap and his short moustache.