It was not until the next day that the association announced their verdict.
“It is not for us to determine whether the supplicant can withstand the rigors of Deathseeker training or whether he is more suitable to the way of the asha. We are here to uphold the laws and customs of the Willows to ensure that they are followed to the letter. With this in mind, we reject the supplicant’s appeal, but we are willing to leave this up again for reassessment after his Heartsrune day.”
? ? ?
The funerals were held two days later. Three asha had perished in the battle against the azi, and the whole community turned up to pay their respects. I stood along the street and watched as they drove the coffins past, which were draped in heavy black ermine. Lady Seleni of the Hawkweed. Lady Brijette of the Imperial. Lady Deanna of the Larkspur. I wondered about Polaire; she had lost an asha-ka sister in Hawkweed, possibly a friend. Those with silver heartsglass can’t be raised from the dead, Lady Mykaela said. It felt wrong somehow, for Dark asha to grant others a second chance at life, but not to her asha-sisters and Deathseeker brothers. I remembered Brijette from the Falling Leaf. Though my time with her had not been pleasant, I felt sorry to see her gone. Zoya gave nothing away; her head held high, she marched beside the coffin that held her friend, and I watched them until they turned a corner and were gone from view.
The mood within the Willows was somber, but Mistress Parmina had decided not to delay my debut. The preparations were even worse than the one for Lady Shadi’s, and my being in the center of the maelstrom only made it worse. A constant stream of people traipsed in and out of the Valerian, most entering my room and catching me in differing stages of undress, because I was once again being measured and dressed for new hua. “Can’t they announce themselves before coming in?” I wailed, clutching a discarded robe against my chest. A group of men had just left after a lengthy consultation about the banquet to take place later that evening, heedless of the fact that I was clad only in undergarments when they had first entered.
“I’m a boy too,” Likh said, grinning at me. Although Chesh served as my official hairdresser, she knew of our close friendship and had appointed him to be her assistant every time the Valerian required her services.
“But I know you. You’re different.” I scowled at him. He was taking his rejection by the asha association better than I had. “I’m not going to do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“They want me to be an asha, don’t they? What if I refuse and hold everything up until they reverse their decision?”
“I’m not going to let you do that for me.” Likh piled my long hair up one side of my head and began to pin several beautiful rhinestone combs into it.
“Hold still,” Rahim grunted, holding out another robe for me to slip into. As was the custom, I wore a hua that highlighted the Valerian crest, in blue and sea green, and a waist wrap with patterns mimicking the waves of the ocean. There were silver seashells along the edges of my sleeve. “This is the traditional dress you must wear for the one and only time. After that, I shall make the designs of your choosing. Still, this blue is beautiful and of your color. If I had the smoothness of your complexion…” He kissed his fingers with a smacking sound. “Krasivyy! Agata, tuck this piece in here, and we shall see about the waist wrap.”
I squirmed free from Rahim’s hold. “I’m serious.”
“Thank you,” Likh smiled sadly. “But as much as you think otherwise, an asha’s debut isn’t about the asha. It’s about the asha-ka. Remember that refusing will dishonor the Valerian and all who live in it.”
“It isn’t fair,” I complained. “You act more like an asha than I do!”
“We have time. That they’re willing to reconsider after my Heartsrune day gives me hope. I wasn’t expecting that.” Likh smiled shyly. “You look beautiful.”
“I wish I could do more. But I’m glad that you are here with me for this.”
“The asha, they are ostoró nyj,” Rahim scoffed, tugging at my wrap. “Hypocrites. The sentiments and the emotions they will not be deterred by. They are the greedy lot, uchenik. The best approach to sway them is to give them what they want. The association, they said no to me too. Then I come with my hua and the gowns they desire, and now they say yes.”
“Are we not yet done?” Mistress Parmina poked her head in, looking irritated. “It’s time, and I do not want to be late. There are crowds of people outside already.”
“Crowds of people?” I exclaimed.
“As much as you might dislike it, you’re a phenomenon, Tea.” Lady Mykaela had convinced Mistress Parmina that she was well enough to leave her bed. She sat beside me as Likh and Rahim gave the finishing touches. “After everything that’s happened, you can’t be surprised that you’re famous in Ankyo. Enjoy it while you can. It’s not every day that one can hold a debut such as yours.”
I was dubious. Truth to tell, it wasn’t the upcoming procession I was dreading, even if it meant I had to be in the public eye. It was the destination that I feared more.
Mistress Parmina was not exaggerating; the crowd broke into a loud, raucous cheer the instant I stepped outside, and their jubilant shouts followed me throughout the rest of the walk. I think that after everything that had happened, they were only too happy to find something to celebrate.
But the sight of the crowd angered me all of a sudden. You don’t understand! I wanted to shout at them. You care nothing about me! All you see are the magic and the pretty clothes and the dances! When this is all over, most of you won’t even remember my face!
As usual, Fox took a spot beside me without asking anyone for permission. He placed a hand on my shoulder, and I could feel his presence like a balm on my mind. I know, Tea, he whispered, and I agree. But you know this is not the place or time for it.
Mistress Parmina, as the second guest of honor, walked at the front with her head thrown back, beaming like this whole parade was for her benefit. Lady Mykaela, Polaire, and Althy took up positions behind me, with Zoya following closely behind. From time to time, I would sneak a look behind me, but it was hard to tell what the asha was thinking. Her expression was too serene and her heartsglass too calm to be genuine.
Our journey ended before the temple. White smoke still billowed out from the dome, and Lady Mykaela dutifully rang the bell that was the prelude to entering. It was hard enough with everyone watching, but I did my best to slide the door back and step inside, shutting it behind me with some relief, glad that there were still some things in an asha’s life that warranted some privacy.
The oracle hadn’t changed; she was still heavily veiled and draped in silk, still tending to the large fires that burned in the metal brazier. The fire leaped and blazed up along the hearth like it was a live creature, but it gentled whenever her hand drew near.