“So the temporary marriage—”
“All bullshit so you’d stay with me. I thought once you felt the same way I do, you’d let go of the idea of us only being married for a few months and agree to be my partner forever. I didn’t realize you were still counting the days until we could get divorced,” he said in a guttural tone.
She gave up any pretense of eating, just as Julian had, and gripped the cool metal in her palm. “I’m not—”
“It ends now,” Julian demanded, his eyes a volatile blue as he glared at her. “I’ve been in love with you almost since the day we met. The marriage was bullshit. Us needing time was bullshit. The excuse of having to explore what was between us was bullshit, too. I knew what was there for me. I just didn’t know how to make you feel it, too.”
“Why are you just telling me this now?” Kristin had gone beyond hope and was starting to feel disbelief blossom in her chest.
“Because I was a coward. I knew if you rejected the whole idea of us, I’d be destroyed. But I had to try. I have too many fucking regrets in my life, and you’d be the biggest of the bunch.” He released a masculine sigh as he slumped back against the bench of the booth.
“What do you regret?” she pushed, wondering what a man like Julian would have done differently.
“I’ve had to live with the fact that I had the opportunities to go see my mom and dad before they died, but like a selfish prick, I didn’t. My career was everything, and I didn’t see them in over six fucking years. Xander went to visit. Micah went to visit. But not me. I was a dick who was only concerned about being someone to make them proud. Xander and I fought right before my parents were murdered. He tried to get me to see how self-involved I was being. I didn’t listen. I should have been there the day my parents died. It was their anniversary. Micah had to go see them the week before because he had to be out of the country, but I could have gone. Maybe if I did, my parents might have survived. Maybe between me and Xander, we could have disarmed the robber.”
Kristin’s heart broke for Julian, and the look of anguish on his face. But she was relieved he hadn’t been there. He might very well have ended up dead. “You can’t fight a crazy man with a gun,” she said quietly. “More than likely, you would have died, too.”
“I’ve dealt with the fact that I’ll never know because that’s not what happened. But my life changed the day my parents died. I swore I’d never have any more regrets, that I’d go after what I wanted from that day forward, and that the people I care about would always come first. When we met, I knew the way we understood each other underneath all the bullshit was special. I wanted you like I’d never wanted another woman. Those feelings never changed. Hell, I had obligations to fulfill, but I’m not stupid enough to wait around for very long. I’d already planned to see if I could sway your opinion of me when I saw you at Micah’s wedding. When I heard you weren’t coming, there was no way I was going to let you stay away.”
Kristin was almost blinded by the tears that were flowing down her face. If they hadn’t been in a public place, she would have flung herself into his arms.
“So you married me instead?” she questioned.
“Like I said, it didn’t happen the way I wanted, but sometimes you gotta take what life throws you. As long as it threw you toward me, I was good with that.”
Kristin wanted to laugh at his explanation. Men like Julian Sinclair didn’t generally take whatever they got. They took it all. But the fact that he was waiting for her, and so damn certain of his feelings, made her feel wretched for not ending this farce herself a long time ago. Had she known that Julian was hurting this badly, she would gladly have given him everything. Probably because she already knew she loved him, too.
“Why are you wearing the rings?”
“I’m getting to the point where I need to stay hopeful,” he answered bluntly. “You can have them. I should have told you the truth from the beginning. My only defense was that I was getting desperate. I guess they were a reminder to not give up. A symbol that there was always a chance that you’d someday be Kristin Sinclair, and you’d change your name and really be my wife.”
“Julian, I can’t—”