“Love you, too,” she replied in a groggy voice.
I wanted to give her everything. All the things I never had. And for the most part, I’d done that. I had given her a stable life, and she had no doubt that she was safe and loved.
When we got to the bedroom, she went directly to the bed and curled up without opening her eyes again. I took the covers and tucked her in, then pressed a kiss to her head.
“Do you like him?” she whispered, opening her eyes to look at me.
“Who?” I asked, wondering if she was dreaming. She often talked in her sleep.
“The guy on the back porch.”
“Oh!” I replied, surprised.
She smiled, then closed her eyes again, pulling the covers up to her chin. “Save me some pizza for tomorrow.”
With a laugh, I kissed her one more time before going to join Brad outside on the porch.
Captain
Twelve years ago
I waited outside the school for Addy. Every day, she’d meet me out here, and we would walk home together. Once we had ridden the bus, but when I’d punched a kid in the noise for shoving Addy out of his way and knocking her to the floor, I’d been suspended from bus privileges. Which was fine with us. We enjoyed the walk home.
Addy always told me about her day, and I loved hearing her talk. She’d laugh at things I said, and I’d try my hardest to be funny. It felt like those laughs belonged to me. Addy didn’t laugh enough at home. My mother made sure of that. But every chance I got, I gave her a reason to laugh. It gave me more pleasure than anything else.
The doors opened, and Addy stepped outside. Her blond curls hung down her back, and she squinted into the sunlight as she looked for me. Stepping forward, I waved my hand, and just like that, her face lit up. Again, that smile belonged to me. She only gave it to me. My chest got tight every time.
“Hey, River, are we still on for Friday night? My parents are out of town, so you could come over and watch a movie.” It was Mallory Buchanan, who came up beside me and flipped her hair over her shoulder dramatically.
“Yeah, sure,” I agreed.
Mallory had been flirting with me for two weeks, so I’d asked her out for Friday. I didn’t usually flirt with girls or talk to them in front of Addy. I could see it made her uncomfortable whenever I did. I glanced back at Addy and saw that her smile was gone and she was walking more slowly. She wasn’t in a hurry to get to me now. Why did Mallory have to talk to me out here?
“Yeah, I gotta go,” I said to Mallory, without taking my gaze off Addy.
I hurried toward her. The forced smile on my face was meant to ease her mind. Addy had become my best friend. She understood me in a way no one else did, and I got her, too. We looked out for each other and told each other everything. Except that I tried not to bring up girls in front of her.
“Hey, you,” I said, when I got close enough.
“Hey,” she replied, and her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”
She always did this, always acted like she was in my way. I knew enough to be careful around her, but I hated that she thought she wasn’t more important than those other girls. She was the most important person in my life. She always would be.
“Don’t be silly. You’re my favorite girl. You know that,” I said, and put my arm around her shoulders to pull her in for a quick hug. “How about when we get home, we go out to the pond and do our homework there?” She loved the pond. We had to walk along a path through the woods behind our house to get to it, but she loved going.
The smile I’d been looking for was back as she nodded her head. “I’d like that.”
I’d dreamed about her again. But this time, there was no blood. It had just been us. The way we were. The easy way I felt around her. Seeing her smile at me and feeling complete with her.
Standing out on the bow of my boat with a cup of coffee, I watched the sun rise while memories of Addy came back to me. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten those moments. I remembered everything about her. Every single moment we’d had was forever etched in my brain. It had just been so long since I’d given in and thought of them.
The sharp pain in my chest was tucked in so tight I wouldn’t be able to shake it loose. It came with the memories. It was why I tried not to remember. But as I stood here on the water, watching the beauty of the morning sun slowly lightening the sky, it felt right. Addy loved water, and she loved to watch the sun rise. We’d watched so many sunrises together. She would have adored living on a boat. It would have been an adventure. As long as she’d been with me, she’d been up for anything.
I heard footsteps coming up behind me. I knew from the heaviness of the footfalls that it was a man. Someone with purpose. I didn’t need to turn around. Listening was more important than seeing in my line of work.