Images flash through my mind of Eddie’s drowned body covered in seaweed and scum, all floppy and gray and blue and swollen. As much as I want the truth, I can’t bear it. I’ll never be ready.
Tay crawls across the floor of the boathouse to me. His eyes look glazed in the dim light. Suddenly he launches himself on top of me.
“I’ve got him,” he says, grabbing my hair.
“You’re hurting me,” I cry. I put my hands on Tay’s to try to ease him off me, but he grips tighter, his eyes still unfocused.
“You’re scaring me, Tay. You need to let go.”
“I’ve got you,” he whimpers, his breath hot in my face. “Just hold on. I’m not letting go this time.”
God—he’s having some kind of out-of-body experience and thinks I’m Eddie. What if he kills me?
“Tay, it’s me, it’s Elsie,” I say calmly. “Let me go and tell me what happened.”
He slides an arm underneath my back and lifts me toward him but then presses our bodies against the wall.
“Please, Tay. Stop. I can’t breathe.”
He turns and shouts to the corner of the boathouse.
“I’ve got him. Help me. No, not the police! They’ll think we did it. They’ll think we killed him.”
“Tay, let me go.”
Tay’s arms go floppy, and I fall back on the floor. I lie still, breathing as lightly as I can, even though my lungs feel as small as peas and I can’t get enough oxygen circulating. Tay stumbles around the boathouse shouting incoherently, running into the walls, as though he were blind.
“Danny, wait,” he cries. “I found your bike.”
The kayak is Tay’s downfall. He trips and lies half on it, cowering and sobbing.
After a minute, I go to him.
“Tay, it’s Elsie,” I say, touching his shoulder lightly. His T-shirt is drenched in sweat, but he feels cold. I expect him to grab me again, but he looks up and asks if he hurt me.
“I’m okay,” I say, rubbing my arm where he held me so tightly.
“His eyes were just like yours. Sea green.”
I let out a sob and sit down next to Tay on the cold concrete floor, leaning back on the kayak.
“My dad was a cop. The police had my fingerprints from the moped incident, and I’d heard stories about people being in prison for things they hadn’t done because the police had found their DNA. I know it sounds stupid, but I believed the stories. I was holding a dead body, and my hands were covered in what I thought was his blood. I was terrified.”
“He was bleeding?” I ask, feeling tears forming.
Tay wipes sweat from his forehead. “I thought it was blood. I realized only later it was oil from Danny’s bike.”
There is some comfort in the fact that he wasn’t bleeding. But it’s short-lived.
“I let him go,” Tay says, his voice barely audible. “I don’t think I meant to, but he was heavy and my shoulder felt like it was going to pop out. After he’d slipped from my arms, it was a relief. It was like the clock had just gone back and the whole thing never happened.”
“Tell me that’s not true,” I whisper. “Tell me you didn’t let go.”
“I wish I could turn back the clock again and this time bring him home to you.”
My head throbs as my sinuses become more blocked. I take some deep breaths to help compose myself.
“What did Dillon do?” I ask. “Wasn’t he helping you?”
“He was there, right behind me, but he was trembling too much, and the rocks made us unsteady on our feet. When Eddie slipped, Dillon threw himself into the water, but it was too late. I think he hit his head. He staggered about a bit and I tried to get him, but he just ran off.”
“Didn’t you go after him?”
“I tried, but Danny stopped me. He was standing in the long grass behind the beach, just watching us. He came back for his bike after all and saw me with Eddie’s body. He wouldn’t let me go after Dillon—he made me go home.”
“None of this makes sense! You, Danny, and Dillon all saw Eddie in the water, and none of you said anything? I’ve spent the last five years wondering where Eddie ended up, what happened to him, and you knew all along. You have destroyed my life, Tay. Destroyed it.”
Tay wraps his arms around himself and rocks back and forth. “You’ve got to believe how sorry I am.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask again. “Even later—the next day, the next week.”
“Danny made me promise.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. He was older. I trusted him.”
“You’re lying, Tay. What aren’t you telling me? Are you protecting him?”
“No, I swear.”
“Did you make a pact with Dillon, too?”
“No. I never saw him again. Not until a few months ago.”