ON SATURDAY I HEAD STRAIGHT TO THE HARBOR. I HEAR THE boat boys before I see them. Their voices rise and fall with the waves, a clash of different tones, all trying to be the loudest. When I turn in to the harbor, I see one of them—Rex, I think, judging by the amount of hair—dive off the harbor wall. His legs fly straight up into a V as he tucks his head down. He seems suspended for a second, a black star shape against the white puffy sky. Then he falls with a soft splash, and there’s a dull whoop from the others. Someone shouts, “Me next!”
The sky is so bright, I have to squint, but I see two more people on the wall. Tay is definitely one of them—I recognize the slope of his shoulders—and the other one looks like Joey. Danny, the mean one, isn’t there, thank God, unless he’s already in the water. I bury my chin in my jacket to shield my face from the wind and follow the mud path down toward them. I glance over at the clubhouse, but the door is closed and I can’t see in.
“Elsie!” Tay shouts as I climb the steps up onto the harbor wall. His wetsuit is shiny, his cheeks are flushed. “Watch this.” He flicks his cigarette away and launches himself into the air. I hold my breath as he twists and turns, spinning again and again before disappearing down into the water.
Joey is next. He steps off and dive-bombs straight down, sending a flurry of waves crashing into the side of the seawall. “Knob,” I hear Tay call. They climb up the ladder, and their rubber booties make wet footprints on the wall.
“You can be our judge, Elsie. Whose jump was best?” Tay sprawls out on the wall and lights up.
I take one of his cigarettes and sit next to him.
“Help yourself,” he says sarcastically, shaking the water from his head. His hair puffs up, and I try not to laugh.
“Are you not going out on the boat?” I ask, wondering which boat is theirs.
“In a wee while. We’re waiting on Danny to finish in the cellar,” Tay says.
Damn, that’s bad news. I bet as soon as he sees me, he’ll tell me to get lost.
“You gotta judge on who made the biggest splash,” Joey says, stretching. “I think I’m the winner.”
“Eejit,” Tay says.
“Twat face,” Joey responds.
I suck my cigarette, playing for time as they rib each other.
“I’m not sure. You’ll have to do it again,” I say.
As they line up, Danny emerges from the clubhouse wearing a white T-shirt and heads toward us. I pretend not to see him. Rex goes first again, leaping into a star jump, tucking himself into a ball at the last minute.
“Fuck, yeah!” he shouts when he eventually resurfaces. Joey and Tay go together in a synchronized back somersault, landing almost at the same time, Joey with a loud crash and Tay hardly making a sound at all.
Rex shoots water from his mouth. “Your turn,” he shouts up to me.
It’s okay to go near the water; just don’t go in it. I shake my head. “No fucking way,” I yell, but my words get swallowed by the wind.
“Chicken!” Tay calls. “Come on—it’s fine. I’ll catch you.”
I take a step closer to the edge and watch the white foam swilling around the base of the wall. The drop must be three meters. I imagine myself falling, belly-flopping. I try not to think about all the seaweed down there—it’s kelp, the worst kind, thick and slithery.
“Come on, Elsie! Don’t be such a girl.” Rex makes chicken noises and flaps his arms, making the sea froth up around him.
“Well, she is a girl. What do you expect?” Tay shouts back, and then holds his arms out as if to catch me.
Danny is climbing the steps up to the wall. I’m sure he’s going to stop me.
“Don’t even think about it, Elsie,” he calls. “It’ll hurt.”
What does he know about pain? The others keep calling me into the water, hollering and clucking. They don’t think I can do it. Loser, I hear in my head. Loser. Danny is up on the wall, his footsteps getting closer. It’s now or never.
“All right! Move out the way, then.” I can’t believe I’m doing this. My hands shake as I unzip my jacket and kick my trainers off. I leave my socks on, hoping they’ll protect my feet from the cold. Below, they are cheering—Tay the loudest.
“Don’t . . .” I hear Danny call from behind. But it’s too late, I’m already running to the end of the wall, and then I’m flying, falling, the surface rushing toward me.
The cold rides up my body as I go down, piercing my bones like a thousand glass splinters. The liquid swarms around my head, pushing me down and down, the cold chilling my brain. My eyes feel as though they are being pulled from their sockets, and the salt stings. The water looks black in every direction as I fall headfirst into the immense space below. I kick and try to pull myself up with my arms, but the water slides through my fingers. It’s like crawling through iced gel. My rib cage heaves and shudders, my whole body goes into spasm. I’m dying. Let me breathe. Let this be over.