“She was the greatest,” I laugh. “She was loud and opinionated and passionate about everything. A proper know it all. She was vivacious—” my voice falters and I stop, suddenly overcome by emotions I can no longer hide as easily.
Closing my eyes, I envision Marisa’s body flinging backward the same way I had so many times before. I wish more than anything that I could block that image out, but it is forever on repeat in my mind’s eye. “On day four I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened to her. I went on a bender, drinking heavily and just reliving the scene over and over and over.” I swirl my finger near my temple.
“What did happen?”
“A tragic, freak fucking accident. That’s what they taught me to call it in rehab. Maybe not the fucking part…I embellished there.” I swallow hard and exhale sharply to prepare myself for the painful retelling of Marisa’s death that is so poignant in my head.
“My parents live in the rural part of Essex. They have a large estate, and my siblings and I grew up riding quads all over the surrounding pastures. Even as we grew older, we still did things like that together. It was always a good laugh when Theo, Daph, Marisa, and I went out on our adventures. My family had always been extremely close for as long as I could remember. The worst row I ever had with my parents was back when I told them I wasn’t going to attend University. It was an issue because my dad expected me to take over his furniture distribution plant. His policy was that his children couldn’t be management without proper education and experience. But I didn’t want to take over the plant…That was the thing.” I swallow hard and know that I’m stalling with ramblings of my childhood. But that’s not what Vi’s asking about.
I suck in a big gulp of air and continue, “Anyway, we were out on the quads and Marisa had to go inside to use the loo…She was riding with me,” my voice cracks at the memory of her gripping me around my waist and laughing. “Marisa was always laughing. Always happy.” I take a deep breath and place my head between my hands.
Vi’s hand touches my shoulder and it feels like a warm blanket of comfort. I turn my watery gaze to hers and see such sincere compassion it gives me the strength to continue.
“I dropped her at the door and was doing laps around the house waiting for her. She stepped right in front of me. Just like that. I was looking away and never even saw her.” A painful cough erupts from my throat and I turn my head. “It wasn’t the impact of the quad that did it. It was the impact of her neck striking a bloody landscaping paver,” my voice is pained and guttural as I continue. “My entire family was there to witness it. Theo. Dapney. My mum came running out of the house screaming. It was a fucking crime scene right where we grew up as kids. Right where we learned how to fucking walk. One piece of landscape fucked my family up for the rest of our lives.”
I hear a sniffle and look over to see Vi crying real tears. Her face is pinched like she’s trying to hide her emotions but is failing miserably. Her blue eyes are rimmed red and tears are flooding her eyes, streaming down her face. Without pause, I open my arms and her face softens as she tucks in tightly to my side.
“I’m sorry,” she croaks, her shoulders shaking from her soft sobs.
“Christ, what do you have to be sorry for? I’m the bastard torturing your heart and making you cry,” I groan in frustration. This isn’t what she deserves. She deserves to be taken care of. “I told you this was a bad idea, Vi. I should have listened to my instincts.”
She sniffs loudly and pulls away. Then she shifts to face me on the bench, tucking her legs in to crisscross. “No, Hayden. I want to be your person. The one to help you with your countdown. But, bloody hell, I’m going to be emotional. It doesn’t mean I want you to stop. It just means I have feelings. You need to be okay with me feeling sad about this.”
I frown at her and shake my head. “I don’t like doing this to you. It goes against everything inside of me.”
“Stop, all right. C’mon. Tell me something happy. Tell me something sweet about Marisa…or funny. Did you guys get on? Or did you fight a lot?”
I grin. “A bit of both. Her and Theo were like the mummy and daddy of Daph and me. They always tried to boss us around and force us to do our chores because they were older. So I would try to manipulate Daphney to be on my side. We’d do things just to get up their noses.” Chuckling to myself, I add, “One time when we were kids, I got Daphney to hide in the barn with me because I knew Marisa was taking her boyfriend out there to snog. We had water balloons and waited until they were nearly half-naked before launching a water storm at them.”
Vi bursts into a full on belly laugh and it pleases me to see her smile push away her tears. It’s a gorgeous sight.
“That’s awful!” she exclaims.