“Erm, yes…I suppose. Leslie, I feel a bit odd. You never mentioned any of what happened to Theo’s family to me. I’m feeling like a bad friend.”
“Oh Vi, don’t ever think that. When Theo and I got together, there was so much drama right off the bat. And just when things settled down for us, I got pregnant. So, I hardly even had time to confide in Finley.”
I nod solemnly knowing that Finley and Leslie have been best friends since childhood, so things must have been tense for her. “Okay, well…if you ever need anything, I’m always here for you. And I’m coming around to meet Marisa tomorrow. I won’t take no for an answer.”
Leslie grins at me with a weird panic around her eyes.
“What is it?” My smile drops at the peculiar look on her face.
“I can feel my milk coming down,” she whispers in a choked tone of voice.
My eyes drop down to her breasts in confusion. “Coming down where? What the bugger does that mean?”
“It means that I love you, Vi, but get the hell out of my way before I spray milk all over your pretty dress!”
I quickly step aside as she clambers into the loo. Just as I begin to walk away, the door pops back open. “Benji is at the bar…You might want to check on him. Oh, and remind me when I come back to work that I want to talk to Roger about us designing a fashionable breast pump tote, okay? I’m serious! Boob juice machines need to look fierce as well!”
LADY IN WHITE
After steeling myself to be cool, calm, and collected again, I stride out into the ballroom where everyone is up and mingling about, refilling drinks and probably gossiping about everything I just said. It doesn’t surprise me. People are inclined to discuss whatever guest speakers had to say. My mission for speaking tonight wasn’t only to help bring awareness to suicide, but to prove to myself and everyone else that I am moving forward with my life. I’m fucking tired of being looked at like a ticking time bomb.
Theo sees me approaching and comes to meet me halfway. “You all right?” he asks, his serious brow beneath his glasses even more defined than usual.
“‘Course! I’m right as rain. Told you I could do it,” I sing with a hearty air of confidence to my voice.
“I know Hayden, but it’s just me you’re talking to.” He eyes me seriously.
I pat his shoulder playfully and give him the smallest of nods. In one quick glance, we have our silent brotherly conversation that says he knows how hard that was for me and he’s proud of me for doing it. My relationship with Theo has done a complete one-eighty in the last year. After the quad accident that took our sister’s life, we became somewhat estranged. I assumed it was because he blamed me for Marisa’s death. But the truth is Theo blamed himself for the whole incident. He claims that if he wouldn’t have distracted me, I wouldn’t have looked away. We were a sorry pair of Clarke brothers for many years.
Theo is thirty-one now, which is five years older than me. Marisa was between us in age. Then there is our baby sister, Daphney, who’s nearing her twenty-first birthday. Our entire family was in a dark pit of despair for three years after my sister’s death—me taking it the hardest, of course. I learned in therapy that some people are inclined to slip into the deepest holes of depression more than others. And I let my survivor’s guilt eat me alive and push away anyone who wanted to help me. My suicide attempt was the turning point for me, though.
Leslie was the turning point for Theo. She entered his life and that’s when everything started to change. I saw glimpses of Theo being happy again and I felt sick over the fact that it made me feel even more alone than before. It was Leslie who brought him back to life. It was just a crazy coincidence that she happened to be the one to save mine as well.
“Come on, you need to give Mum and Dad some bloody attention. They’ve been twitching ninnies all night.” Theo claps his hand across my back and I sigh heavily as we make our way over to my slightly disheveled-looking parents.
My mum trembles when she hugs me, clutching me tightly to her robust figure. She always did give the best squishy hugs. My dad’s hand holds tight to my shoulder as Mum pulls away and looks into my eyes with the matching brown hue of Theo’s. “I’m incredibly proud of you, Hayden. So…so—” her voice cracks and she covers her mouth to hide her cry.
I look away trying my hardest not to roll my eyes. Daphney catches my gaze and offers me a meek smile from the other side of the table. Daph is the quiet type, but she’s got her own ways of showing me she cares…which often involves loads of texts.