Tears start sliding down my cheeks. Can I lie to him again? Would it even work? He’s so desperate I think he’ll believe anything, and that makes me a horrible human for what I’m about to do, but I have to do this. I travel down the rabbit hole and box up my feelings for Colter enough to lie to him once more. “Okay,” I assure him. “Okay.”
He releases his death grip on my shoulders and strokes softly where his hands were like he’s apologizing. His eyes light up in relief as more tears fall from them. He gives me a sly smile that melts me into the car. He inches closer and wraps a tendril of my hair around his finger, letting the strand slip through his hand.
I’ve never had anyone love me before. Not a boy. Not someone who kisses me. It feels like a foreign language. I can’t speak love. I wouldn’t know how to form the words.
I slide my arms around his waist and pull him to me. He cradles my cheeks and pulls my mouth to his. I can taste his salty tears on my mouth; they’re mixed with mine and our noses are snotty and I don’t care. His stiff body softens and melts into mine and it feels so fucking right. I kiss him like the answer to life is on his lips. He kisses back like it’s the last one we’ll ever have. I cry more and the tears fall into our joined mouths. I don’t stop. I start to whimper, but the kiss continues. I can feel him shaking, and I’m shivering in the cold air. I run my hands through the back of his hair, letting his cap fall to the ground. He adjusts his mouth to mine as if our lips were born attached each other. If I let go, this will all be over, and I don’t want this to ever end.
He halts the kiss and moves his forehead to mine. “I’m not going to leave you, okay? So stop pushing me away.”
I nod and wipe tears from my mouth. I’m not sure if they’re his or mine.
44
Halloween
It’s Halloween and I’ve put on my Happy Ellery mask so I can make it through the dance. I’m doing this for Colter, for Atticus and his friends I’ve promised to be here for. Everything around me is blurred, like I’m watching my life through a foggy window. I bar up all the bad thoughts and concentrate on the dance.
One moment at a time.
Colter and I pass a punk rocker dressed similarly to me, a girl from Grease, four Michael Jacksons and even some girls dressed as Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink.
“Grease wasn’t the eighties.”
“You’re the only one who knows that,” Colter says, wrapping his arm around me.
My leather pants are making my legs chap already, and I’m seriously regretting the pink wig. My head itches so bad I’m sure it’s cock-eyed by now. Colter’s hair is spiked, and he has holes in his jeans and a red leather jacket like Michael Jackson. I really want to scream that the eighties were more than just Michael Jackson. Where’s Duran Duran? Madonna?
Oh, spoke too soon. A girl with blonde curls and cone-boobs passes me on the right.
“I’ve never seen so much neon before,” Colter says, scanning the parking lot.
“I know. And neon was really more of an early nineties thing, but whatever. There’s a lot of people here,” I say. “Where’s Atticus?”
He shrugs. “He left before me. Guess he’s too good for his big brother.” He looks a little disappointed.
“Maybe he’ll get lucky tonight,” I tease.
Colter’s eyes go wide and he smacks me on the ass. “Take that back.”
I laugh. “Did you have the talk?”
He grabs me and pulls me up for a quick kiss. “There’s no way my brother’s getting laid before me tonight.” He grabs my leather ass and pulls me up to his lips again, hiking me up his body. We kiss for a few seconds before realizing we’re at a kid’s dance.
I slither down his body onto my feet. “If you’re a good boy, maybe I’ll let you see what I have under the leather.” I can’t believe that just came out of my mouth. It’s as if I am a different person around him.
He groans, then pulls something out of his pocket. Pink plastic earrings. Totally eighties-worthy. “My mom wanted you to have these,” he says with an excited expression on his face.
“Um, what?”
“She said it’s a peace offering.” He grins.
“What did you tell her?”
“I just made her understand that if she didn’t accept you, I was leaving. She came around pretty fast after that.” He hands me the earrings.
“They’re not going to emit poison into my ears or anything, right?” I say, shoving them into my ear piercings.
“I doubt she used the strong poison; that’s reserved for her really bad clients. You’re safe.” He shows his toothy, goofy grin.
I laugh. “Thanks? I think.”
He wraps his arms around me and kisses me on the head. “Let me worry about her.”