I caught some movement on the edges of the lawn, a couple of nosey parkers trying their luck. I took a few steps towards them and they scurried back, but not before I managed to bark out my request.
“Can someone find Elizabeth Thomas, please? I need Elizabeth Thomas here, now.”
“Don’t…” Helen said. “Lizzie will have to leave, too!”
“Maybe you should have thought about that earlier.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry, ok? I’m sorry.” She pulled my jacket tighter around her. “I’m just… I dunno… I dunno what I am anymore…”
“Drunk,” I said. “You’re drunk.”
It didn’t take long for word to reach Elizabeth, she came tottering across the grass with a cigarette in her hand. She had her collar up against the cold, dressed much more for the weather than her sweet little friend was.
“Helen? Hels?”
“She’s alright,” I said. “But she’s ready to go home now, are you able to take her to yours? She tells me you live at Lawnside?”
Elizabeth nodded. “Yeah, just down the road… I can take her…” She reached for Helen, yanked her up by her arm. “Come on, Hels, let’s get you sobered up.”
I took Helen’s other arm, holding her steady as she found her feet. It felt as though the whole place was staring as we made our way under the patio heaters and out to the car park, but I was long past caring. Helen tried to shrug my jacket off at the entrance, but I pulled it back around her and buttoned it up. I fished my wallet, cigarettes and keys from the pockets.
“Keep it,” I said. “You’ll catch your death.”
“But what about you?”
I hadn’t even noticed the chill, my heart was still pounding and my whole body felt wired. “I’ll be fine.” I looked at Elizabeth and she seemed sober enough. “Take care of her. I’ll watch you both down the road.”
She nodded. “Will do. Come on, Hels.”
I watched them leave, and it was a slow affair. Helen seemed to crumple into Elizabeth’s side, mumbling words I couldn’t hear in a voice that sounded sad and whiny and tearful. I was glad I couldn’t hear them. I lit up a cigarette as I watched, positioning myself on the street where I could see them make their way up Elizabeth’s road. I waited until I saw them arrive at a block of flats in the distance.
And then I made my way back inside, and grabbed myself a double scotch.
***
Helen
“I’ve ruined everything!” I could hardly get my words out, they sounded weird and slurry and not like me. My legs were like jelly, too.
“Just walk, Hels, or we’re both going to go flying.”
I focused on my feet, climbing the stairs slowly up to Lizzie’s place. They lived on the second floor and it seemed to take forever and a day, swaying all the way up while I death-gripped the railing.
Ray was watching the game when we made our way inside, an empty bottle of scotch at his side.
“Twit-twoo. Didn’t expect you girls so early. Very nice…”
“Helen’s not well,” she snapped. “She’s had too much to drink.”
“If you girls want to carry on the party…”
I heard the venom in her voice. “No, thanks. Where’s Mum?”
“Your nan’s.”
“Fucking brilliant.”
She dragged me through to her bedroom and dropped me on her bed. It was a long way to fall, just a mattress on the floor, and my stomach lurched as I landed. She crouched beside me and pulled off my heels, and my feet felt cold against the carpet tiles. “Get in bed if you want.”
But I didn’t want.
“It’s all over. I ruined everything.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re drunk, Hels. You don’t know what’s what.”
“I do know,” I sighed. “It’s all over. He hates me now.”
“He doesn’t hate you.” She tutted. “You’re wearing his jacket and he watched us all the way up the bloody street.”
“Because he’s my teacher. He has to.”
“I don’t think it’s just that, Helen.”
“It is.” I lay down and pulled my knees to my chest. “I screwed up.”
“You screwed,” she laughed. “I dunno about screwed up. Maybe both.”
“I didn’t,” I said. “Harry didn’t fuck me.”
Her eyes widened. “You are shitting me?”
I shook my head, trying to ignore the sick feeling. “No. He was too busy fumbling, and then Mr Roberts was there.”
“Shit. That sucks.”
“Maybe.”
“I thought you didn’t want to be Miss Purity anymore?”
“I don’t. But Harry… I don’t love him.”
She rolled her eyes. “Like anyone gets that whole love shit their first time. First time’s overrated, Hels, you’ll find out. It’s not even that good. It’s awkward and it hurts, and it’s a big fat non-event. You’ll see.”
“Maybe.”