And it felt good. I felt sick and fluttery and weird, but it felt good.
Her breath was weird and she was making funny little noises. She leaned forward and I felt her tits against mine, and her mouth was at my ear. “Let it happen, Hels, let it feel good. I promise it’ll feel good…” And then her hands were on my tits, squeezing them tighter. “This is your fantasy, isn’t it? Don’t pretend it isn’t… you want to be taken… you want to be tied up… it doesn’t matter who it is, Hels, just close your eyes.”
“Oh God…” And it felt so good. It felt so nice. She rubbed her * against mine, and I rubbed back, and it felt… it felt…
“That’s it… that’s good…”
I made a strange little moan, and gasped as she shifted some more. She was rubbing just the right spot, and I couldn’t stop moving, I didn’t want to stop moving.
“Little Lizzie loves you, Helen Palmer,” she giggled. “This is fun… this is so much fun… say it’s fun, Hels…”
But I couldn’t say it was fun. I couldn’t even think straight. There was only the feeling between my legs, of her, as she rubbed against me.
And then she couldn’t say anything either. Her breath was loud in my ear, and the bed started creaking, and she rubbed so hard, faster and faster, and squeezed at my tits, and I was making funny noises, and so was she, and far away there was a part of me that was worried about my mum and dad hearing us… and then there was the ache in me, the need to keep going, harder and harder.
“Tell me to stop and I’ll stop…” she whispered.
But I didn’t want to. I just wanted more.
“I’ll stop if you want me to…”
But it was much too late for all that. I squirmed and wriggled, and bucked under her, and the room was spinning and I felt sick, but it felt too good to stop.
“I’m going… I’m going to…” I hissed. “Don’t stop… I’m going to…”
“I know,” she breathed. “I know, Hels, I know. It’s ok…”
And then I did. I got the tingles, and I was panting, and tense, and out of control. I bit my lip, and rocked back at her, and I could feel her right there with me.
There were no words, just noise and breath. And then I was dizzy, my heart racing, limbs like jelly.
She kissed my mouth and she laughed. “Told you it would be fun.”
But it didn’t feel like such good fun. I felt weird, and not good weird.
She tugged at the tie around my wrists and they came free, and they were sore. Even through my drunken eyes I could see they were sore. I held them to me.
She kissed my cheek, once, twice, three times, and then she wrestled the duvet from under me, covered us both up with it.
“That was fun, right?”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Hels Bells, that was super fun, wasn’t it? Don’t pretend it wasn’t.”
“I’m tired,” I said. “And drunk…”
“Aww, tired Hels,” she giggled and reached for the lamp. The darkness felt better. I rolled on my side away from her, but she followed, her body to my back. “You wanted it, Hels, I promise. Don’t let it be weird, it isn’t weird.”
“Ok,” I said, and I didn’t know what else I could offer.
“Don’t be grumpy,” she whispered. “We’re besties. We are besties, aren’t we?”
“Always, Lizzie. Always besties.”
I squeezed her hand, then pretended to be asleep.
Helen
I wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened, and I did my best, I really did. Lizzie acted so normally that sometimes I’d convince myself I’d imagined it, but then I’d get that fluttery feeling in my stomach and remember the grind of her against me. It made it so real again.
She didn’t seem worried. She didn’t seem to think about it at all.
She talked about Scottie a lot. More than a lot.
She talked about Mr Roberts, too, and Harry, and anything other than the fact that she got me drunk and rubbed her * against mine until I came underneath her.
I was five minutes late for English on a rainy, miserable November morning, bemoaning the fact that winter was definitely here, beyond all doubt, when an unfamiliar voice called my name. I turned to find its owner, and Miss Monkton’s toothy smile greeted me. I hadn’t taken her class in years.
“Helen! I’ve been hoping to catch you around.”
I pointed to the English block. “I’ve got a…”
“Oh, this won’t take long,” she said, and stepped closer, gesturing me under the porch where it was dry. “Mr Roberts and I just wanted to say thank you for your work on the set. You did such a great job. It makes such a difference to us to have students willing to put some time in, it really does. We really appreciate it, we really do.”
We. We we we.
It wasn’t the word so much as the way she was saying it. And her eyes were weird, and her cheeks were a little flushed and she was smiling really widely. And I got a strange feeling. Another strange feeling to go on the pile of strange feelings.
I was one big strange feeling these days, and not a very pleasant one.