“Jeez, Hels, sometimes I really despair. Life isn’t all about Rampant Roberts, you know.”
I took a swig of wine, and it was gakky and bitter. “You think I’m going to take the pill for Harry Sawbridge? Think on.”
“I think you should keep your options open. He’s hot, and he likes you. His eyes lit up when I told him you had a thing for him,” she smirked.
“You did what?”
She giggled her pretty little face off. “What did you think I was going to do? I had to tell him something.”
“So, now he thinks I want him?”
She nodded. “All the better for making Mr Roberts jealous, my dear.”
That explained a lot. Harry had been like a limpet in art, sitting next to me every lesson and boring me stupid with his TV talk and meaningless comments. He was sweet enough, but dull as hell, and considering Mr Roberts didn’t seem riled at all by his interest in me it felt like one big fat fail.
“Drink up and forget about it now,” Lizzie grinned. “Let’s have some fun, since I missed out on all our fun time while you were off playing artist.”
I drank up, much more quickly than usual. Quickly enough that Lizzie still had a load of her bottle left and split it between us. She seemed drunk though, drunk and giggly, telling me all about Scottie Davis and how hot he was with his head between her legs. My own memories burned me, and I drank more, pondered more, festered more. And then I was sad. Sad and angry and brooding.
“I really wanted him,” I said. “I really, really wanted him.”
“Aww, Hels, you might still get him.” She rubbed my arm. “We’ve got a plan.”
“A stupid plan.”
“Still a plan.”
“I wish it had never happened. I was happy as friends.”
“Don’t say that, Hels. You know you loved it.”
“I did love it, but now it’s gone.”
She tipped the bottle up so more wine forced its way down my neck. “Little Hels isn’t so virginal anymore… not now she’s had tongue between her legs…”
I swallowed down the wine and put my finger to my lips, despite knowing full well Mum and Dad were long in bed already.
“I bet you were so hot as you came for him…”
My stomach fluttered. “You’d have to ask him.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” she smiled. “I already know.” She looked at the final slops of wine in the bottle. “You may as well finish that.”
The room was already swaying around me. “I’ve totally totally totally had enough.”
“No, you haven’t. You need it, anyway, to cheer you up, my treat.”
But it didn’t feel like it was cheering me up. I downed the rest and lay back on my bed, and the ceiling was spinning, florescent stars everywhere. Lizzie started laughing and I laughed, too, even though nothing was funny. She grabbed my hands and yanked me up the bed towards her, fluffing up pillows under my head.
“Come and lie with me.”
“Like I have any choice.” I closed my eyes, but smiled. “You’ve got me trashed, Lizzie Thomas. I can’t even see straight. You’re bad for me… bad…”
“I’m good for you,” she giggled. “You love me.”
“Yes, I do.” I poked my tongue out. “But I am trashed, and it’s all your fault. All your fault. And Mr Roberts, it’s his fault, too. All his fault. I’ll be a virgin forever and it’s all his fault.” I laughed to myself. “All his stupid fault.”
Lizzie pressed up to me. “You won’t be a virgin forever, Hels, with or without Roberts.”
“But he’s all I want. Only him.”
“Forget about who it is,” she said. “Believe me, Hels, it doesn’t really matter. Just as long as it feels good, right? That’s what matters.”
I laughed. “Whatever you say, Lizzie. But that’s stupid. Of course it matters…” I rested my hand over my eyes but she pulled it away. “I love him.”
“You can have fun without being in love, Helen Palmer. Trust me.”
“I’m always trusting you,” I said, and my voice sounded weird. “You’re my bestie. Bestie of the besties.”
“Good. You should. I’m trustworthy. I’m the super bestie.”
“Yes, you are. Super bestie. Super, super bestie.” I groaned to myself. “I didn’t even get to try anything… how mean… just a few things. And then he was gone. It’s so unfair… I wanted it all. Everything. Every. Thing.”
She switched the main light off and got the lamp, and it was so much better for my eyes. I shuffled down a little, got comfortable.
“Shame you didn’t get chance to try out all the stuff in your kinky pictures.”
“Yes!” I hissed. “Yes! It’s so unfair!”
I felt the bed bounce under me, and lifted my head to find Lizzie on her knees at the bottom, by my hamper. She pulled out my school tie and put it around her neck. “He should have used this on you. Wasted opportunity, stupid man.”
“Used that?”
She crawled up the bed to me, and she was laughing. “Yeah, he could have tied you up.”