Finding my phone on my desk, I dialed Cass’s number and went into the bathroom, shutting the door and sitting in the bathtub fully clothed.
“Hey, sweet cheeks, how are the parental units?” she answered, her voice too goddamn cheery for the shitstorm that was my life.
“Do not message Ruck ever again.”
“Huh?”
I shut my eyes, resting my head on the edge of the tub. “I fucked up, Cass. I fucked up big time.”
“Whoa, slow down, Susie. What’s going on?”
“Thatch isn’t Ruck. Kline is Ruck.”
The phone was dead silent.
“Do you hear me?! Kline is Ruck!” I shouted, my voice echoing in the bathroom. I clamped my hand over my mouth, realizing anyone walking by my bedroom would be able to hear me screaming like a lunatic.
I listened closely for any sign I wasn’t alone and was relieved when I didn’t hear anything but my erratic breathing.
“Okay,” Cassie started. “I’m officially confused, so please, spell it out for me in slow, clear sentences.”
I rambled on for a good two minutes, giving her the step-by-step details of how I had discovered my boyfriend was Ruck.
“What are the fucking odds?” she asked, sounding just as shocked as I felt.
“I know. I should probably buy a lottery ticket today,” I muttered.
“You realize what you’ve done, don’t you?”
“Screwed up big time?”
“No, you catfished your boyfriend.” She laughed. “Holy shit, G, he catfished you too.”
“This is so messed up,” I groaned.
“You’re like two fucking catfish, sitting at the bottom of the lake, doing fish shit and stuff.”
“Okay, enough with the fish,” I snapped. “I’m freaking out here, Cass. What have I done?”
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” she placated me.
“Oh. M-my. God,” I stuttered, panicked and overwhelmed over the entire fucked up situation. “How do I fix this?”
“Jesus, Georgia, relax,” she sighed. “Stay calm. Act completely aloof. I’ll send him another message and nip this crazy-town shit in the bud.”
“What? What are you going to say?”
“For fuck’s sake, stop panicking,” she chastised. “I’ll say something along the lines of ‘I’m happily involved with someone else and I can’t continue our conversations. Have a nice life.’”
Okay, that would work. It would put an end to the confusion. Rose would message Ruck, they’d stop chatting, and the world would be right again.
Would it work? And is this even the right way to handle this mindfuck of a situation?
I warred with myself over pretending it never happened versus telling Kline the truth. But then I started remembering the many conversations I’d had with Ruck. My openness. My flirtation. Questions and commentary about anal.
Jesus. I cringed in embarrassment. The mere idea of talking to Kline about it had my stomach clenching in discomfort.
I just wanted to leave the whole Ruck and Rose debacle in the past. Truth be told, if I could’ve paid someone to bury it in a shallow grave somewhere in the depths of the Pinelands along with my stay at Masturbation Camp, I sure as fuck would’ve done it. Not that I knew anything about that sort of thing.
I sighed. “Could this be any weirder of a situation?”
“Well,” she said, deadpan. “Considering he had foreskin, Wally sure put a weird spin on the old phrase ‘Taking ol’ one-eye to the optometrist.’”
“Old phrase?” I snorted. “I didn’t even know that was a phrase.”
“Savannah would be so ashamed of you right now,” she teased.
That spurred a few giggles from my lips.
“Hey, I hate to do this, but I gotta scoot or I’m going to be late for my shoot,” she updated. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks, Cass. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Probably live a horribly miserable life trying to find your own way out of your crazy-ass situations.”
“So true,” I agreed, smiling.
After we hung up, I was so damn exhausted from the roller coaster of emotions that I stayed in the bathtub until I drifted off to sleep.
A throat being cleared startled me awake.
“Fully clothed, bathtub nap?” Kline asked, squatting down beside the tub.
“Would you like to join me?” I grinned and scooted over.
He didn’t hesitate, squishing his large frame beside me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
“Fix my dad’s car?” I asked, resting my head on his chest.
“Yeah. Pretty sure your dad thinks I’m a mechanic now, but honestly, it was an easy fix.” His fingers found their way into my hair, running through the strands so softly I nearly purred.
“I think my dad is falling in love with you. He might propose marriage before we leave.”
“Don’t worry, baby. I won’t let your dad steal me from you.”
I laughed. “I’m not sure we’re going to be able to fit that giant head of yours out of this house.”
He wrapped both arms tightly around my body and slid farther into the middle of the tub, forcing me to lie on top of him. “There, that’s much better.”
“You’re too damn big.” I nodded toward his feet that were hanging over the edge.