“The only reason Gretchen would have let Kirsten come to Brianne’s party was for the chance to humiliate her. She was clearly trying to get her drunk when we got there, watching her do stupid things, but I don’t think she ever expected to find her with you. I’d never seen her so furious. I was barely speaking to Gretchen that night, but I drove her home and dropped her off after they fought, just like I’ve always said.
“She was usually careful never to let me touch her phone, but she was so angry, she dropped it on the seat of the car when she went inside. I grabbed it—I’d known her passcode for months—but then I ran into Haley walking her dog just as I shut the door of the Mercedes. I was so nervous Gretchen would come looking for the phone while we were talking, but she never did. I called her house from it, after I went into the woods. I wanted to bargain, but you can guess how much she liked that.”
My voice shakes, I curl my hands into fists.
Marcus doesn’t say anything, but he’s still here, he’s listening.
I need him to understand.
“It wasn’t just that I had her SD card, her powerful little black book. Some of that stuff—people’s passwords, nude pictures—could’ve gotten her in serious trouble. We agreed to meet at the top of the falls. She must have thought it wouldn’t take long to deal with me if she left her purse with your money in the car on the way. We were both in the clearing just after eleven. I promised to send the memory card back to her after my first semester at Penn, but that just pissed her off more. I couldn’t tell if she was more enraged that I tried to defy her, or that I actually succeeded. No one ever managed to get the upper hand with Gretchen. She threatened to keep me from going to school altogether. When I didn’t give in, she said she’d call the health department on the diner, have it shut down to make my family pay for what I was trying to do. At first I was shocked that she’d go that far, but I guess I shouldn’t have been. It wasn’t even about Penn or Stanford anymore; she just wanted to regain control. I decided to leave. I thought maybe she’d settle down overnight and we could talk. I got to the bridge, but that’s when—” I stop, running my fingers over my arms.
Cold hands close around my throat and drag me backward. My heart races, my ears fill with the sound of rushing water, my own ragged gasps. I wait for her to stop—let go, but she doesn’t. I scratch and pry at her fingers until finally I scream.
She drops me facedown in the dirt and for a second I think she’s gone. I roll to my side to get up, but then her foot comes crushing into my rib cage and my breath leaves my body in a gush of fire. She’s on top of me then, shoving my face into the earth, fingers twisted through my hair. I push and scratch at her, and for just a moment, shove her off. I scramble backward, my hand flying to my pocket.
“Just take it! I’m sorry, Gretchen, please!”
I hold the phone between us like a weapon. Her eyes graze over it, her mouth twitching. And then she lunges, knocking it out of my hand. I manage to get my boots under me before I’m pulled sideways. The world spins, a tree rushes toward my head. A shower of stars erupts across my vision, and then I’m on the ground again. I want to give in, just lie here and let it end, but she shoves me with her foot.
“Come on, Sonia. Run.”
I do what I’m told.
I crash through bushes and trees, unsure how I got to my feet or where I’m headed—I just go. I don’t know if she’s behind me or in front of me or where I’m even going until I realize how loud the water is and that the way I’ve gone was wrong. I stumble back, and she’s on me, and then we’re in the dirt and it’s hands and trees and sky and a rock digs into my side. One of us screams, but it’s lost under the roar, and we’re out on that rock, the water spray like ice, and she’s scratching and I’m shoving and—
“Gretchen!”
Tears stream down my face. I gasp for breath.
It’s a minute before I see anything but the empty darkness where she was.
I can’t bear to look at Marcus.
“I ran home because I’m a coward and I didn’t know what else to do. When my family saw what I looked like, they called the cops, and I panicked—I couldn’t tell them what really happened. The reports came in that Gretchen was missing, then dead. Someone suggested we were both attacked in the woods and I just went with it. I was too scared to do anything else.”
I hold my hands in front of me, staring at them as if they belong to someone else. “But I provoked her—then I pushed her. It was my fault.”
I take the first honest breath I’ve taken in weeks, and raise my head. Marcus’s eyes are deep and black and sad. I wish he’d say something—yell at me, lash out. He has more reason to hate me than anyone else.
“I’ve waited every day for the sheriff to figure it out, for someone to put it together. If it had to be anyone . . . I’m glad it was you.”
Marcus exhales, looks at the ground. He shifts his feet and for a moment it seems like he’s going to reach for me, and I allow myself to breathe . . . but then he turns his head to one side and speaks into the darkness.