She lets me, but she doesn’t hug me back.
“I mean it. Do everything you want to me, hurt me any way you want. Hell, I want you to. Maybe then it’ll make the guilt a little easier for me.”
“You’re a masochist,” she mumbles into my chest.
I smile and kiss the top of her head. “Yeah. Especially when it comes to you.” No response. Sighing, I hug her tighter. “You can do whatever you want to me, and I’d still forgive you.”
“Because you hurt me.”
“And because I adore you.” In my mind, she’s my girl, no matter what happens. I can’t undo the thought, was never able to. And in my mind, she’s still my best friend, even if I’m no longer considered hers.
“You’d forgive me anything? What if I decide I want to be with Austin?”
“You’re so good at hurting me with that.” She tenses. “He was once my friend, Kira.”
A fact she was very aware of when she decided to give herself to him. The one boundary I never crossed. The one boundary I’m damn sure I never would have. I would have never gone after any of her friends.
Kira pushes at my chest.
I move back slowly. “It’s okay if you chose him that one time. I get it. I forgave you for it the moment I found out.” Her, yes. Him? Never. I can’t.
Her beautiful, sad eyes stare up into mine. “And if I decide to give him a chance?”
“I’ll forgive you for that, too.” No clue how I’ll stop myself from trying to kill him, though. “I’ll wait for you. I just . . .”
“You just what?”
Fuck. Does she understand how hard this is for me right now? “I need to know I’ll have you someday.” My brain can’t even begin to imagine an entire life without her. Never could. I just fooled myself into thinking it was possible once.
I watch her, trying to read what’s going through her mind.
And I get nothing but her pain.
Kira starts heading into her room. Against my will, I make no move to reach out for her.
At her door, she stops. “Let me know if you need help unloading your car.” She walks into her room and closes the door.
May 25th, 2015
The bell rings, signaling the great escape. The stampede funneling through the classroom door is greater than usual. Then again, only nine school days remain, and an hour and a half of world history review has everyone crawling the walls.
“Boo!” Ashley pops up behind me as I pull my phone from my back pocket.
“Hey! How was Spanish?”
“Muy boring,” she says with a sigh, then turns to me, her blue eyes sparkling with mischief. “Did Lyn tell you what she’s doing?”
I shake my head. “No, she wasn’t in class.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Really? Where, oh where, is my little sister? And whose face is she sucking?” She pulls out her phone, typing away.
I wake my own up, turning the screen on and seeing why my ass was vibrating all morning long.
Six text messages.
Over the last few months I got used to tons of messages per day, and today was no different. My daily dose of annoyance from Brayden.
Though he isn’t the only sender, and I check out Jenna’s first.
Sam is sooooo hot. I would seriously jump him.
Followed by,
What party are we going to this weekend? Maybe he’ll go.
And then . . .
What are you doing? Answer me!
I shake my head. Study hall must have been extremely boring.
The next is from Austin, and I find myself hesitating to open it. I haven’t forgiven him, and the whole explosion the day Brayden moved home still makes me sick.
Hi. How’s your day? Did you hear about AJ Henricks party next month? It’s costume. I want to take you. Let me know.
I sigh and back out of the message, deciding to worry about it later, because there are two more messages waiting for me and they might make me go crazy and tell Austin yes.
Hey, baby. Did a little manscaping today. What do you think?
I stop walking, stop breathing, even stop thinking. My jaw is slack, and I could be drooling. Because attached to Brayden’s message is a picture that has my blood pumping, thighs clenching, and clit twitching.
I’m a pile of goo in the middle of the hallway, forced to lean on the bay of lockers next to me for support.
It starts with his sexy smirk that drives me crazy, even though I don’t want it to, and is nothing but hard, smooth, taut chest and abs. He’s wearing a red hoodie. It’s covering up one of his huge pecs, but that doesn’t matter, it’s a tease, making me want to see it all. What’s showing trails all the way to the bottom of his abs, down to his very low-slung grey sweatpants. So low, the base of his dick is almost showing. The hoodie is open at the bottom, highlighting his V.
The V!
A sound I can’t identify leaves me at the sight of a highlight and definite shadow in his sweatpants.
His cock.
Oh, holy fuck, his cock.
Missing you, if you couldn’t tell. ;)
The head is hanging low and long, perfectly outlined.
He’s hard. For me.
My mouth is dry, hands shaking, * pulsing. I’m a fucking mess.