A week later, we were in a hotel suite in Paris. Shannon seemed weirdly happy traveling with me, as if he could tick off the box marked romantic vacation on his normalcy checklist. I sat up in bed and drank coffee and ate pastries off the room service tray. Shannon stood beside the window looking out at the breathtaking view of the Eiffel tower.
“Do you want to go to the Louvre today before we meet your friends for dinner later?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
Shannon had taken a softer turn with me since the night we killed Stevens and his TA. As if almost losing me had snapped something into focus for him. At least where I was concerned. Or maybe it was that he thought I was too fragile to handle anything that would remind me of who and what he was. Or what I’d become in his care.
“Shannon?”
“Yeah?” He still stared out the window.
“Why did you stop? The kink stuff?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can we go back to it?”
He turned sharply from the window, his gaze now intently focused on me. “You want that? After...”
“I need it. I mean... if you want...” More than ever, I needed that release from everything that those games brought. I couldn’t say it out loud, but I needed to be punished, no matter how hollow the effort.
That dark intensity came back to his eyes. “Yes. When we get back home.”
I let out a long breath. “Good. Thank you.”
“Sir,” he corrected.
Despite everything I was dealing with and all the things I thought I’d never get over, the feeling of safety and security wrapped around me again like the warm, inviting smell of the coffee on the tray in front of me.
“Sir,” I said.
I went back to my breakfast. I’d momentarily forgotten the previous night’s dream, but now it rushed into my mind with the force of a typhoon wind, practically leaping into vivid color right in front of me. I was back in the theme park with Trevor. The dream replayed that last day before Shannon had shown up. Yet somehow, the dream version of me had seen the future already. Half of me lived the reality as it was, knowing nothing of myself or the truth, and another half of me seemed to be off to the side watching, already knowing everything that was to come.
Shannon’s dark clad figure filled the doorway. Gunfire sounded. Trevor crumpled to the ground, blood spilling out of him. I ran to him on autopilot, trying to stop the blood, trying to keep him there, trying to hold the lie of our life together, all while trying to remember I’d already done this, and Trevor wasn’t the good guy.
But neither was Shannon. I watched it all play out again. And then, the choice... do I go back out into the world not knowing who I am, or do I go with this man?
Shannon held his hand out, and all the knowledge of everything that was to come flooded into me, and the two parts of myself merged. And once again, I knew everything. I looked at him for a long moment, frozen in this space, this fork in the road. Finally, I took his hand, and we walked out of the castle into a future that only felt real with him.
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Kitty ^.^
Acknowledgements
Thank you to the following people for their help with Tabula Rasa: Amy Martin for her help with French translation.
Robin Ludwig @ gobookcoverdesign.com for the fabulous cover art!
Thank you to Cathy for copyedits!
Thank you to Michelle and Karen for their great beta read suggestions! Special thanks to Michelle for all the body disposal help. Who knew getting rid of bodies was so much work! ;) And thank you to M for digital formatting! Love you!