“Did I? I have no recollection of it,” I reply dismissively. Looking away from the hell burning in his eyes, I stare at the night. Wrapping my arms around me, I try to stop myself from reaching for him and touching him again, confessing to him that I do remember everything.
“Do you ever think about me? About us?” I hear him ask.
Every day and every night. You haunt me in my dreams and in every waking hour that I am without you. “No. What’s there to think about?”
Ronan stands next to me, closing the space between us. Raising a hand, he rubs my lower lip with his thumb. The moment he touches me, I fight the instinct to close my eyes and get lost in his touch.
“What is it about you that drives me so fucking insane?” As his brown gaze holds me captive, his touch turns painful. “That won’t set me free of you? Even when I’m fucking her and my cock is buried deep inside her cunt, you still manage to poison my thoughts.”
“You’re a pig,” I say, pushing his hand away.
I don’t want to be alone with him for another second, so I turn and begin to walk away. Before I take more than a few steps, Ronan grabs my left arm and twists it behind me as he pulls me flush against him, making me gasp. I struggle to break free but it’s no use. I’m at his mercy, and he knows it. I’m butter in his hands.
Breathing hard, Ronan cups my tits. His touch is rough and meant to punish us both. “Does he fuck you as good as I did?”
His hand snakes down, touching me there, burying his fingers between my legs, past the resistance of my dress. “Does he eat your * as good as I did?”
“Stop it, Ronan,” I beg, breathless and aching with passion and pain.
“I loved you, you know? But now I see you and I know that I wasted my time.”
Battered by his words, I use the only defense that I have left—my body. Rubbing myself against him, I lower my free hand and rub his erection. “Then why is your cock so hard?” I purr.
He lets my arm go, putting some space between us. He seems cool and in control of the situation, but I know that deep down he’s not as unaffected as he appears to be. “Because there’s no denying you’re a good fuck. Maybe that’s all you were.”
I slap him as hard as I can, leaving a red mark on his skin. He touches his right cheek and smiles. “The truth hurts, doesn’t it, Blaire?”
I’m trembling from head to toe. “Go to hell, Ronan.”
I begin to walk away when he grabs me by the arm and pulls me close to him again. “What? I don’t get a good-bye kiss?” he hisses angrily in my ear, his warm breath sending chills down my spine.
My heart is beating so fast, it feels as though it’s going to explode. This close to him, reality replaces my memories. His touch is once again real and it sears through me, making ashes of me. His familiar smell of man and Ronan fills my nostrils, inebriating my senses. He’s here, in front of me, but he has never been more out of my reach. For a moment, I think to myself, This is what living in hell must feel like.
“What the—” I try to break free from his hold. “Let me go, Ronan.”
“No.” He tightens his grip. “Did you ever love me, Blaire? Or was I just another fucking game to you?”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re over, and I’m with Lawrence.”
“Lies. Lies. Lies. Is that all you can come up with?”
I tug harder. “Fuck off.”
He smiles cockily. “Gladly, but only after I do this.”
Ronan lets go of me, buries his hands in my hair, his fingers cradling the back of my skull, and pulls me toward him until our mouths clash aggressively. My body immediately reacts to him, to his touch, to his tongue, as a sense of having lost something and finding it again washes through me.
Yet it’s a kiss full of hate and yearning.
It’s fire on my lips, burning them, burning me to the ground.
It’s a beautiful war.
And it feels like coming home.
Stunned and under his spell, I melt in the haven of his arms and let emotion override logic. Our tongues tangle in a passionate battle that demands total surrender from both of us, and for a short moment I give in, drugged by his taste, his essence, by him. I push myself closer to him as though I am trying to fuse our bodies into one, feeling a surrendering shudder rake through me, or is it him? And what a glorious torture it is. But then reality comes crashing down on me and I realize what I’m doing. What I’m allowing to happen. I move my arms between us, gather all my strength, and push him away from me, ending the kiss abruptly.
My chest rises and falls at rapid speed. I stare at a cool Ronan, who seems untouched by the kiss while I struggle to remain upright.
“You feel that, Blaire? That’s the fucking truth. But keep lying to yourself, I don’t give a fuck anymore.”
I rub my lips with the back of my hand, trying to soothe the sting of his kiss, or maybe, I’m trying to rub it in deeper until it’s engraved on my skin. In a moment of weakness, I crack. “You were supposed to be out of my life. You weren’t supposed to be back messing everything up.”
“But I am.” He moves my hand away and rubs my lower lip. “So what are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. I’m with Lawrence now.”