“IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? You look very pale.”
“No, I’m okay. Don’t worry … I just … excuse me.” I let go of Lawrence and leave him standing on the dance floor as I rush out of the ballroom. I run past angry guests and waiters trying not to drop trays full of champagne and other delicacies. I run and don’t stop until I’m outside the house and in the back garden away from Ronan, Lawrence, and the pain I’m drowning in.
Images of Ronan and that woman, his lips on her skin, kissing her intimately and knowingly, assault my mind. Dizzying jealousy hooks its sharp claws in my chest, making it close to impossible to see straight. I tell myself that I have no right to feel this way, that I chose to let him go, that it shouldn’t matter to me that he’s with her, but it doesn’t work. My brain tells me to forget him yet my heart, my stupid, treacherous heart won’t set me free of him.
Once I’m able to catch my breath, I slow down my pace and continue to walk for a couple of minutes, focusing on my surroundings. My high heels sink into the soft ground, the sound of the crunching grass the only indication of my existence out here. After a rainy afternoon, the air carries a lingering earthy scent mixed with that of autumn.
I stop when I reach a fountain concealed by a rose arbor, where the only light you can see is that of the silver moon. The music, a distant echo, tenderly strokes my senses like the autumn breeze strokes my skin. A gust of wind blows past me, making the leaves of the trees dance in the night, awakening me from my trance. I lift my face and stare at the sky, hoping the peace of my surroundings will quiet all the noise within me.
But it’s pointless.
Weary, I cross my arms on my stomach and let my guard down for the first time since I saw Ronan. I’m bone tired and all I want to do is crawl up in a ball and cry.
I laugh bitterly. As much as I try to outrun that man, he won’t let me.
I sigh and decide it’s time to get back to the party. The urge to walk straight into Lawrence’s arms seeking safety and affection takes over me. Guilt corrodes me, but all I can think of is being close to him, of being comforted by him and his spellbinding kisses.
I’m straightening my dress when I hear someone’s footsteps. Thinking that it’s Lawrence who followed me, I paste a fake smile on my face and turn around. “Sorry about before. I didn’t mean to run out like that … I just—”
“Hello, Blaire,” a man says, leaving me hot and cold all at once.
I try to swallow but it feels as though my mouth is stuffed with cotton. “What are you doing here?”
My night companion steps into the moonlight, allowing me to see his achingly beautiful features. He looks like a different man dressed in a very expensive tuxedo. Unreachable. His brown hair slicked back and perfectly shaven, he could pass as a stranger. And as he walks toward me, I notice that he seems more confident, too.
“Enjoying your world, Blaire,” he says, smiling. I note that even his smile lacks the warmth that used to make my stomach flutter.
“Really? And how do you like it?”
He shrugs. “It’s all right.”
I know I should leave it alone, but I can’t help myself. I must know. “I didn’t know you were into older women.” My eyes, starving for a sight of him, travel the length of his body. I see the expensive watch he’s wearing, one that he couldn’t have afforded on his own. “Are you fucking her for money?”
He smiles cockily. “Like I said, I’m enjoying your world and everything it entails.”
I laugh, trying to hide how much he’s hurting me. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen.”
Ronan grabs a packet of Marlboros from the inside of his black coat, ostensibly undisturbed by my gibe. He takes out a cigarette, places it in between his lips, letting it hang loosely, and lights it up. After taking a long drag, he tips his head back and blows the smoke in the air. As I watch him do that, I suddenly realize that it isn’t just his looks that have changed. He has changed. There’s a reckless and confident air about him that wasn’t there before. Something about him screams that he doesn’t give a fuck what you think about him, all the while looking like pure sex.
“Don’t you know smoking can kill you?” I reach for his cigarette, grab it, and bring it to my mouth, taking a drag. “I didn’t know you smoked,” I say and hand it back to him as I blow out the smoke.
His eyes meet mine as our fingers brush, the contact making me shiver. “There are worse ways to die.”
Ronan takes me by surprise when he reaches for my necklace and caresses it, chuckling sarcastically. “Nice, Blaire.”
I slap his hand away forcefully. “Don’t touch me.”
“Funny. I seem to remember a time when you used to beg me to do exactly just that.”