It had finally happened. Brooke had called me a selfish bastard. Years later, Avery had called me one, too. Hope was likely thinking it. They were all right. I was like poison, yet I had pursued Avery anyway.
I’d hoped if I did it the right way, if I was honest and treated her with respect, treated our relationship with respect, that maybe whoever had cursed me would give me a second chance.
I looked down at Avery, surrounded by machines, tubes, and steady, irritating noises that meant she was alive, but she was too far away for me to reach. I took her frail hands in mine, unsure if she would take me back when she woke. If she woke.
The door creaked as it opened behind me and footsteps sounded. It wasn’t the sound of a nurse’s sneakers, but Quinn’s heavy boots.
“How’s it going, partner?”
I sighed. “Still no change.”
“You want me to wait with her? Get yourself a decent dinner.”
“No.”
“Breathe some fresh air. Take a shower.”
“No.”
“Josh, you need to—”
“What if she wakes up for two seconds and I’m not here?” I snapped.
“What if she wakes up for two seconds and you smell like old salami? She’ll go back to sleep just so the smell will go away.”
I shook my head, my eyes feeling raw and heavy. “I can’t leave her, Quinn. I can’t …” My head fell, and my breath caught. I gripped the blanket, my knuckles turning white.
Quinn gripped my shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But she’s going to need you to take care of her when she wakes up.” He exhaled. “You can’t take care of her like this, man. You need rest.”
I took Avery’s hand in mine and kissed her fingers, closing my eyes. “Okay,” I said, standing. “You won’t leave her?”
Quinn sat in my seat and held her hand. “Not even for a second. Not even to go to the bathroom. I’m right here until you’re back. Don’t forget to shave and brush your teeth. Seriously. This is the grossest I’ve ever seen you.”
I nodded, trying to laugh at his joke. If Avery didn’t wake up, I wasn’t sure I’d ever laugh again.
I picked at my fingernails, nervous about seeing Quinn. The last time I’d seen him wasn’t the last time he’d seen me, and I wasn’t sure how to greet him. It was confusing trying to decide how well we knew each other.
I thought back to my time in the ER before the crash. Quinn and I had traded a few smart-ass remarks. He’d flirted with me a handful of times until he’d partnered up with Josh. After that, he didn’t speak to me as much. I had to treat him as if we barely knew each other, and that was going to be difficult. Quinn was practically family.
A quiet knock sounded on the door. Deb walked in first, followed by Quinn. He looked nervous, too, and strangely, that made me feel more relaxed.
“Hi,” I said simply.
“Hi, Jacobs,” Quinn said, his voice sad.
“You can call me Avery,” I said.
He was wearing his paramedic uniform, the navy-blue T-shirt and matching cargo pants with boots. I wanted to reach out and hug him, if just to feel that fabric against my skin again, but I continued picking at my nails.
Quinn’s knee bobbed up and down, and he cleared his throat. “I was glad to hear you woke up. Gives me hope for Josh.”
“He’ll wake up,” I said, unsure where the confidence came from.
One corner of Quinn’s mouth twitched. “I heard you had quite the dream.”
“Weird news travels fast.”
“Josh would love to hear that. He was into you. He talked about you a lot before …” Quinn sighed. “I knew he liked you, but … when I rolled up on that wreck—” he shook his head and lifted his hands, pressing against an invisible ball of metal “—your driver’s side hit his driver’s side, and your open windows were welded together. The damnedest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I shouldn’t have pulled out before looking. That was stupid,” I said.
Quinn switched between expressions, unsure of which to use. “He called me from the scene. He sounded confused and out of breath. The last thing I heard him say was get her, and help Jacobs.”