Anger infused my body. “You were targeted at the drive-by?” I wasn’t really asking the question because I knew the answer already. He’d clearly dived to the ground and had the gravel-scratched evidence all over his face.
“At least I wasn’t hit, Aust. Seba and Carlo were. Carlo in his arm, but Seba… right through his chest. That’s where Axe is now, at the hospital with Gio, seeing if Seba pulls through. That’s why the place is so quiet.” Levi’s eyes filled with tears. “Not sure he’s gonna make it… There was so much blood and he’d stopped breathing when they all left.” Levi dropped his head again, and as I followed his eyes, I caught sight of his formerly white sneakers now coated with blood.
My fingers ached from how tightly my fists were clenched. And, turning, I had to walk away to the living room of the trailer to get some space. I had to… had to—
A gentle hand lay on my shoulder, distracting me from my anger, and I felt myself slowly exhale. I knew it was Lexi. I’d come to recognize that small stroke of her hand on my back, that reaction of calm my body adopted when she was close. That complete and utter peace you only got from someone you trusted implicitly.
“You okay, Austin?” she asked softly.
Dropping to the faded red-rose-patterned couch, I ran my hands down my face, then looked up to Lexi, looking mighty out of place is this broke down tin palace.
“My kid brother, who couldn’t speak for shyness when he just met you, just avoided being shot by what? A matter of a few feet?” My teeth instinctively gritted together at the thought, and I reiterated, “Shot, Pix. Fuckin’ shot.”
Lexi glanced down at me with sympathetic eyes and moved to sit beside me, her tiny hand wrapping around mine. “I honestly don’t know what to say to you right now, Austin. I’m out of my depth with all this. I knew the gang was bad. I naively always thought it wasn’t as bad as the news made out, but seeing Levi tonight, hearing more… of your past. Lord, it’s worse than I ever could have imagined.”
I didn’t know why, but that made me smile. She was stronger than she realized, taking on all this shit like a pintsized soldier.
Lexi frowned at my reaction. “What you smiling at?”
“Just you, Pix. Just you.”
As Lexi dipped her head, a huge flash of lightning lit up outside, illuminating the tail end of the trailer. I was thankful for that two-second bolt of neon yellow right then, as it allowed me to catch the contented blush flooding her flawless cheeks.
I couldn’t stop staring at her beauty and, for once, wished she didn’t wear so much makeup. The only time I’d ever seen her free of heavy-trimmed kohl eyes, dark-red lips, and pale gothic foundation was that day in the locker room when she witnessed me breaking down. She’d been beautiful, all rosy cheeks and freckles, and it destroyed me that she couldn’t see it too.
As if feeling my eyes watching her, Lexi looked up at me through long black lashes, and I felt as though my chest had ripped open and my heart was on display. It was that moment people talk about. That moment where you look at the same set of eyes you’ve gazed upon thousands of times before, only this time you see something more within their depths. This one time, it’s as if you are looking down the lens of a spyglass and you can see into another’s soul… and it seems to solder itself to yours.
“Austin? Mamma’s calling for you.” Levi’s timid voice ripped me from fixating on Pix, and I lifted my annoyed eyes to him.
My brother, at least, looked apologetic about the interruption.
Levi rocked nervously on his feet and muttered, “She’s in a lotta pain.”
And just like that, my bad mood evaporated and all I felt was sadness.
“Can you… can you give her the pills this time, Aust? I think I’ve taken about as much as I can bear today… It’s been a tough one for Mamma… and for the crew… for me…”
Lexi, on seeing my baby brother about to break, reached out her hand, and Levi looked down upon it like it was an unknown object. His gray eyes flitted to Lexi’s face, and she smiled in encouragement, nodding for him to take her outstretched offer of support.
At that point, I felt like the worst brother on the planet as I watched Levi’s reaction toward this unfamiliar gesture of comfort. The kid didn’t really know love. He was only seven when Mamma was diagnosed, and I suppose he missed out on seeing Mamma when she would sing and dance with us for hours, distracting us from the messed-up world just outside the trailer door.