“Your home is gorgeous.” There were so many textures, she wanted to reach out and touch them all, from what looked like reclaimed wooden planks on the wall, which jutted out at different angles and depths, to the rough stone surrounding the fireplace.
“Thank you. Let’s talk in here.” He held her hand as she stepped down two deep wooden stairs into a cozy nook furnished with upholstered antique armchairs in rich fall colors, a deep chocolate sofa, and dark wood bookshelves against two-story stone walls. Sconces were placed on either side of two arched windows, making the room even more inviting. But when Jamie turned her in his arms and touched his forehead to hers, she no longer wanted to talk, no matter how inviting the deep sofa and intimate setting was.
“In case you decide that you no longer want to be with me after we talk, I want you to know that I adore you. I know it happened fast, and we only know about a tenth of what we should about each other, but I have never missed anyone as much as I’ve missed you these last few days, and if anyone knows about missing people, it’s me.” He pressed his lips to her forehead.
“Let’s skip talking and just be close, Jamie. I missed you, too, and I want to be closer. As close as we can be.”
His lips curved up, but he shook his head. “On the way inside I realized that I don’t want to use our passion as a bandage to cover what happened these last few days. I want to make love to you with a clear conscience, and I want you to have the same peace of mind. You deserve to be cherished. I dropped the ball and doubted.”
Doubted?
“Come on, baby.” He led her to the luxurious sofa.
She watched him pour the wine at a bar in the corner of the room. He glanced up and smiled as he moved the bottle from one wineglass to the next, and when he came to her side, she couldn’t imagine how she’d gone the last few days without him. Jamie handed her a glass and slid in beside her, one arm draped over her shoulder.
“I don’t want any secrets between us, Jess. Our relationship can’t work if we’re constantly looking over our shoulders for skeletons to come out of the dark.”
“I know. I’ve never lied to you, which is why what you said earlier rattled me.”
Jamie dropped his eyes to his glass. “I know. I’m not proud of how I’ve acted. That night I went to meet Mark, I went a little crazy. I punched him and kind of lost my mind over what he’d said to you.”
Her eyes widened. She’d never known a man to hit someone else. Especially over her. “You punched him?”
Jamie nodded. “That night, he had me so confused that I didn’t know what to believe.”
“So, he made you doubt me?” Her stomach sank again.
“This is so hard to admit. I’m such an idiot. Yes, he said things that made me doubt you a little. I didn’t know what to believe, and then you were gone. Jessie, I’m sorry. I’m ashamed for all of it. I should have left his hotel room and gone straight back to you to talk it through, but I was confused, and…”
“And he’s your attorney and friend, who has always given you solid advice and looked out for you for all these years regardless of how much of a jerk he was to me, or Jenna, or probably half a dozen other women in your life.” She lowered her eyes to his hand. The stone on the ring was green. Worried.
“Yes. And I know he’s a total jerk. Truly, I hated how he treated you. I gave him a hard time for that, and I’ll fire him if it’ll bring you back to me.”
“Jamie, I’m confused. What did he make you doubt about me?”
“I promised to be honest with you, and I will.” He exhaled and brought his hand to her shoulder. “I just have to sit with you for a minute in case you decide this is it. I just want this moment to remember.”
She had no idea what could be that difficult to talk about. In her life, if there were issues with other musicians, she talked with them. With the few friends she had in the orchestra, she told them when things bothered her and they did the same, without hard feelings. They weren’t close friends, but how could this be so difficult? What had she done that would warrant such a reaction? She began to imagine that it wasn’t her he was worried about. Maybe he’d turned to another woman for comfort. Oh no, that made her a little queasy.
His brows drew together and his lips parted, and just as quickly they closed again.
“Jamie, you’re scaring me a little.”
“It wouldn’t be too far off to say that he had me doubting just about everything about you.”
“I don’t understand. Why would I ever be untruthful to you?”
“I don’t think you would be, but when he said all that he did to me, it made me wonder, and…I’m sure it was a website error,” he said with an uneasy smile. “Jess, there’s no Jessica Ayers on the musician list for the Boston Symphony Orchestra.”
“You looked for me?” Her heartbeat sped up.
“Yes.” His jaw clenched, and she could see he had something else to say.
“You think I lied about where I worked? Why? Why would I do that?”
“I never believed that you did. That’s why I was going tonight, to see for myself.”
“I don’t know if I should be mad that you think I lied or happy that you looked for me.” She traced condensation on the side of the wineglass with her finger.
“I’m sorry, Jess. I wish I could take it back, but we can’t fix the past; we can only learn from it and create a better future, which is what I hope to do with you.”
“Jamie, I…” I want that, too. But trust was everything in a relationship. Even with her lack of experience, she knew that much. “It wasn’t an error. Jessica Ayers isn’t on the symphony musician list. Jamie, I have never lied to you about a thing. I never even considered lying to you. When you like someone, you’re honest with them. It just goes hand in hand, doesn’t it?” She set her wineglass down on the end table beside the couch and rose to her feet.
Jamie watched her intently, his dark eyes narrow and serious, his thighs tense against his slacks. “Yes, of course. I haven’t lied to you either.”
“Then why would you doubt me?” Her stomach twisted again and she felt flustered.
“Because Mark is manipulative and…” He stood and paced, then stopped before her, looking impossibly handsome and worried.
Totally unfair. Wasn’t she confused enough?
“It’s not Mark’s fault. He didn’t do anything different than he’s always done. He pointed out the obvious. I’m not a fast-moving, carefree guy, Jess.” He paced again and ran his hand through his hair, which only made him sexier because she happened to love that particular mannerism of his.
Jessica tried to keep up with what he was saying, but she was getting distracted by her feelings. She sat back down on the couch and lowered her eyes to her lap.