“Then you have to give me a second to think it through too.”
I nod my head slowly. “You’re right. Sorry. Take whatever time you need.”
She closes her hand around the key, leaning in to kiss me softly. “I’m not saying no. I want to do it, you have no idea, but it’s scary for me to give up my place with Rona. That’s my home. If something went wrong with us and I had to move out, I don’t know where I’d go. To Michael’s maybe, but I can’t crash with him forever. I can’t go to my parent’s house. Not with my dad and everything that’s going on. My apartment with Rona, it makes me feel safe having it.”
“I’m not asking you to pay rent at my place or help me pay the mortgage. I’m asking you to live with me, that’s all. So keep paying for the apartment with Rona but move in with me.”
Lilly debates silently for a few seconds before whispering, “Give me a little time to think about it. Please.”
I pull her in close until she’s resting her head against my chest, her arms wrapped around my waist. The key clutched tightly in her hand. “Take as long as you need,” I tell her quietly.
We stay like that for over an hour, warmed by the fire and the heat of our bodies pressed together as we watch the snow falling outside. It’s not exactly how I pictured it happening, but I understand why she needs to think about it. Why she needs to feel safe in making that leap. So much of her life is uncertain because of her dad’s condition, I’m not looking to give her more to worry about. I wish I knew how to tell her I’m not going anywhere, though. I wish I could find a way to convince her I’m in it for the long haul with her. I thought this would be a good start. A precursor to another question I’m dying to ask her.
But not yet.
“We should go to bed,” I tell her as the clock strikes two.
She doesn’t answer. I wonder if she’s fallen asleep but when I look down at her she’s looking back up at me. Her face is like I’ve rarely seen it but I can read it plain as day. It’s loving. It’s open.
It’s hungry.
I lean down to kiss her, pulling her closer. She wraps her fingers in my shirt as I glide my tongue along her lips. Bitter apple. Sweet sugar. Soft sigh. She’s a decadent dessert that makes my stomach growl up into my chest, out of my mouth, and into hers.
I kneel on the soft leather of the couch, lowering Lilly slowly. She leans back until she falls flat against the cushions. The dancing yellow light of the dying fire is cutting across the floor. The coffee table. The long strands of her hair, the gentle swell of her breasts. The small patch of skin exposed above her jeans. I trace it with my fingertips, making her jump. Making her squirm. My fingers push against the thin material of her shirt. It rises slowly, methodically. Her skin is so warm underneath. Soft as silk and trembling at my touch. I push her shirt higher, seeking out more of her, but I stop just shy of her ribs. I make the most of what I have, what she’ll give me, and I lean down to kiss her stomach softly.
She sighs, rough and excited.
The sound makes my blood rush.
Her eyes are on me as I climb her, prowling higher up her body. Her mouth is open, her breaths coming faster than before. Shallower. I run my hands along the outside of her breasts, up over her collar bone, before gripping her face. I hold her for a moment, staring into her crystal clear eyes that plead with me to do it, to kiss her. To take her. So I do.
I’d do anything she wants. Anything she asked me for.
She bursts to life underneath me, the same way she did in the bakery the first time I kissed her. Her legs find the outside of my hips, her hands find my shoulders to pull me down on top of her. Her tongue breaks past my lips, searching. Seeking and slipping across my tongue in a dance that she is very, very good at.
I’m hard against her heat that I can feel through our jeans. I’m ready and eager, and when she reaches down to undo the button on my pants I immediately jump in to help her out of hers. It takes me only a minute to undress us both. To strip away every barrier between us until we’re both vulnerable and exposed. Breathless.
She moves her hand to cup the side of my face, the ring attached to the key dangling from her finger, jingling lightly.
“Yes,” she whispers.
My heart skips a beat. “Yes to…”
“Everything.” She grips the key tightly in her palm, wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me closer. “Yes to the key. Yes to this. Yes to everything with you.” She kisses me hard, her legs around my waist pulling me against her. Inside her, slow and easy. “Yes. Yes. Yes.”
I drop my head next to hers as I try to breathe. I can’t get air past the knot in my chest that’s growing and expanding until I feel real pain. It’s a good hurt, like when I’m working out and I’m pushing my limits. Like when I’m playing the game.
“I love you,” I groan against her neck.
She giggles, a girlish, light sound that vibrates in her throat against my lips. “I love you too.”
It hurts like winning.