“Why were you going to an amusement park in Kansas when you were a kid?” Joey said. “Aren’t you originally from Orange County in California? Don’t look at me like I’m a stalker, Cash. You know we were fans first.”
“I grew up in Colorado Springs and moved to the OC when I was eleven,” Cash said. “I’ve just never told the whole story publicly, because it’s like none of your fucking business, Star Magazine, you know what I mean?”
“So High Tides was your favorite place as a kid?” Mo asked.
“It’s the best!” he raved. “It’s got incredible roller coasters, amazing waterslides, and an awesome racetrack. I’m not sure Sam is tall enough to ride all the rides, but you guys would love it.”
“I’m five two!”
“You know what,” Cash said, “I don’t want to be controversial, but I’m just going to say what’s on my mind: I think we should ditch Texas and go ride rides at High Tydes! It’s just a couple hours north on the 283 highway. What do you guys say?”
Just as they did when Cash tried to change their plans before, Sam, Joey, and Mo turned to Topher like he was their unofficial chaperone.
“Er… I’m not sure that works with the schedule,” he said. “We’re supposed to see the Bundy and Claire Jailhouse Museum when we get into Amarillo this afternoon. We don’t have time to do both.”
Cash whimpered like Topher was making a catastrophic mistake.
“So let’s ditch the dusty old museum and go to the amusement park,” the actor pitched. “I don’t mean to brag, but so far my trip suggestions have been a total hit. None of us know if we’ll even like the jailhouse, but I know for a fact we’ll have a blast at High Tydes!”
Everyone in the car absolutely wanted to go to the amusement park instead of the museum, but none of them wanted to be the first one to say it out loud.
“Well… I suppose if it’s just a couple hours north we could still get to the Teepee Inn at a reasonable hour tonight,” Topher said. “And if we wake up a little early tomorrow, we could potentially see the museum before we leave for Albuquerque.…”
“Exactly!” Cash said. “One small detour for shitloads of fun!”
The interchange to highway 283 was fast approaching. They needed to make a decision quickly if they were going to amend their itinerary.
“It’s up to Sam,” Topher said.
“What? Why me?”
“Because you’re driving,” he said.
“We’re gonna miss the exit!” Cash said. “Come on, Sam! Outlaws or outlandish fun! What will it be?”
The pressure was on. At the very last second, Sam made a rapid, daring, and slightly illegal right turn onto highway 283—nearly giving a heart attack to the driver of the Prius behind them. The whole car cheered him on as the station wagon rerouted north toward Kanas.
“You aren’t going to regret this!” Cash told them. “High Tydes has a pirate theme and all its attractions are based on ocean folklore. There’s this roller coaster called Poseidon’s Revenge that will blow your mind! Make sure we ride that on empty stomachs. And if you guys are in the mood to get wet, the Kraken is the longest waterslide east of the Rocky Mountains—I knew someone that started reading War and Peace at the top and was finished by the bottom. Not to mention, High Tydes has the best fried seafood in Kansas—and I’m not being sarcastic!”
The actor went on and on, praising his childhood paradise. He animatedly recalled all his most cherished memories from the park, described all his favorite attractions at great length and detail, and listed all the reasons why High Tydes was the best amusement park in the world. He was so descriptive the others felt like they had already been there and were very eager to authenticate the images and expectations in their minds.
After two hours of traveling up the 283, Cash was still raving about his favorite theme park, but he hadn’t indicated where it was located or when they’d arrive. The others kept their eyes open for any advertisements along the highway but never saw anything pointing it out.
“Are you sure we haven’t passed it?” Sam asked.
“Don’t worry, you’ll see a huge billboard with Captain Tydes, the park’s mascot,” Cash said. “Just take the exit after it.”
After another hour, there still was no billboard in sight. The impatient passengers were beginning to worry the actor was directionally challenged.
“How come there’s nothing on the Internet about High Tides?” Mo asked. “I’m trying to look up an address, but there’s nothing here—not even a photo.”
“It’s probably under new ownership and they changed the name,” Cash said. “I can’t wait to see what they’ve done with it! Hopefully they’re cool updates and nothing shitty.”
“We’re about twenty miles away from Dodge City,” Sam said. “Are we getting close to the park?”
Cash scrunched up his face. “That can’t be right. Dodge City is way east of High Tydes. It’s just outside Garden City.”