It would be painful.
I tugged at my jean shorts and willed my off the shoulder black tank to stop shrinking. Already I felt naked, no bra, just the shirt hanging off of me. And my shorts with no sandals.
Will was in ripped jeans, slung so low on his hips I had trouble focusing on anything but the way his perfect V dipped into exactly where my body wanted to be.
“Keep doing that and I’m turning this into an improv sex scene.” Will grumbled, then cursed when I paused and gave him a “well I’m up for it if you are”, look.
“Quiet on set!”
I looked over my shoulder. Alec and Demetri shielded me from peering eyes, right along with their wives, my brother, Zane, the girlfriends.
And I smiled.
And smiled even brighter when it was Alec and Demetri that smiled right back, like… they were proud of me.
Like I deserved their praise in the first place.
And for the first time in a long time, I kind of felt like I did.
Will pulled me in for a hug, brushed a kiss down my jaw, and whispered, “You’re beautiful when you smile.”
“I’m beautiful because you make me feel beautiful.” I said back softly. Weeks ago I would have said, I know, and walked off. It was a deflection, another way to keep my armor in place, but today, today I took the compliment because I felt like maybe it was true.
“Scene one seventy-five, take one.”
“Action!” Jay called.
My lines were simple. I apologized, we talked about the sunset, Will sat there, done.
But as the sun truly did begin to set, something felt so religious about the way the colors kissed the waves, I didn’t want to take my eyes off of it.
And when Will and I stood hand in hand staring at it, the holy scene was almost more than my small human body could handle, I imagined he felt it too, his breath hitched.
It was like we were facing a new start.
“Before the sun sets…” Will spoke first. “Before a new day begins…”
“Before all of that.” I said back as wind whipped at my back.
“The past… it stays there.”
We were silent and then he spoke again.
“I won’t ever be sorry you got pregnant Ang.” And there it was, the bomb being swiftly dropped for all the world to see, for everyone to hear. “ I’m sorry you lost the baby. And what’s more, I’m sorry that the situation wasn’t one born out of love. But hate.”
Stunned, I fought for air, for breath. Were we doing this? Was I doing this? “He didn’t care.”
“Does he matter?”
Tears streamed down my face, he caught them with his lips and kissed my mouth.
“He never did.” I rasped.
“Before the sun sets,” Will said again, “we should let the waves wash it away, all of it.”
“Just like that?” I couldn’t control the emotion wrecking my voice, making me insane. Was he really making it that simple?
“Yeah.” Will grinned, offering me his hand. “Just like that.”
We walked hand in hand toward the sun, my feet dug into the sand as we finally met the water, still hand in hand.
“What do you think?” Will nodded his head toward the ocean. “We may die trying. Last time we were in here your lips turned blue.”
I bravely pulled my tank over my body away from the camera, then slid my shorts down to my feet, kicking them off. “Last time you weren’t exactly ready to kiss my lips back to their normal color.”
“I’m here now.” Emotion deepened his voice, added a touch of hoarseness.
“Yes.” I clung to his hand. “You are.”
His jeans fell.
I was pretty sure Will’s plan when he woke up this morning wasn’t to numb himself to death and dive into frigid cold water without a wet suit.
But that part of him was back, the adventure, and the fear had completely disappeared from his eyes. I knew it because when he looked at me, he looked at me, not through me. I wasn’t a puzzle anymore.
I was just me.
We dove head first together, hand in hand.
And when our heads bobbed up, the sun winked behind the horizon, blanketing us with dewy pink sky.
Will’s mouth met mine in a frenzied kiss.
I met him half way as we kissed and kissed and kissed until my teeth started chattering.
Finally a cut was yelled.
And the crew ran toward us with towels and blankets.
When I looked over at Will, I expected him to be freezing his ass off, maybe still a bit hesitant, shy.
Instead, he was smiling brilliantly like he’d just been reborn.
And maybe, maybe he just had.
I’D NEVER EXPERIENCED this sort of freedom before, maybe when I was a kid but even then nothing but money and fame surrounded me. Angelica Greene, the girl who had destroyed my heart, crushed my soul, made me a shell of a human, had breathed life back into me.
And yet, it wasn’t just her.
It was the realization that every road I’d taken had been because of her, and had been wrong.
It’s easy to lose yourself in someone you love.
Easier still, to lose yourself in someone you hate.
I pulled the blanket tighter around my body and searched frantically for the one and only girl I wanted in my arms.
Zane was currently handing her another blanket and exchanging the wet towel for another dry one.
The lightness in my chest only grew when I locked eyes with Ang from across the beach, her smile was bright — free.
I started walking.
And then walking turned into a slow jog.
Until I was sprinting toward her.
And lifting her into my arms, twirling her around, and crushing my mouth against hers. Our lips molded across each other while I slid my tongue inside. Heat spread down my body.
Someone whistled.
A few people started cheering.
And when we both finally came up for air, the magical moment was gone, because Andrew was standing there with a knowing smirk on his face.
Like he still had something over me.
Over us.
I glared and then gave him a smirk of my own.
Because I’d won.
He’d lost.
“Hey.” Ang wrapped her arms around my waist. “What was that for? I thought you weren’t into public displays of affection.”
I kissed her again just because I could.
“Yeah, well I figured it was time to change that, besides, someone reminded me that I used to strip on stage so there’s that…”
Zane snorted next to us. “And you think I’m bad, I swear for an entire year I was convinced you didn’t even own anything other than loose tanks and shirts with holes in them.”
“Will!” A familiar voice called.
I looked over my shoulder as Trevor approached, his grin wide.
Ty, and Trevor made their way through the crowd. We’d all aged since our last world tour when I’d turned twenty-two.
And every single one of us for the better.
Trevor was married with three kids and basically invested all of his money and decided to produce with Ty who had started his new label and basically did what he did best since he was still single.
Played the drums.
And got laid.
But he still looked good.
And then there was Andrew, standing on the outside, when he used to be always standing by my side.