Sophie snorted into my shirt. “So why did you say we couldn’t be together?” She didn’t add “dumbass” to the end of that sentence, but I heard it anyway.
“I didn’t want to dread what I thought was inevitable. That’s why I used drugs in the first place. Dread.”
“Of what?”
This wasn’t easy to admit. “I knew you were leaving Vermont, and I wasn’t going anywhere. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I knew I was going to put you on a plane to New York and you’d be gone.”
“Jude!”
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad.”
“Honey, that was a really grim outlook. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened that way.”
“I was nineteen, Soph. I thought I knew everything.”
She hugged me tighter. “I need you, dumbass.”
There it was. I laughed.
“…and you are smart about a lot of things. I think so highly of you. But I need you to give yourself a little more credit.”
“I do. I will. If you let me try again, I won’t be such an idiot.”
“You better mean that,” she said, her voice shaky. “Don’t run away from me again, Jude Nickel.”
“I won’t. It doesn’t fucking work, either. You own me. You always have.”
“Even when you’re not perfect, you’re still mine.”
Shit, I really was. “Okay, baby. Okay. I get it now. I’m truly sorry.”
She pressed closer. “I know you are. And we’re going to be okay. But you have to believe it or it won’t be true.”
“I want to believe it. I love you, Sophie. Always have.”
“I love you, too.”
My eyes leaked again. We sat there for a long time until I got myself under control. “You probably have places you need to be,” I said, rubbing her back. I could hold her all day.
“Not for a couple hours,” she said. “Let’s go sit somewhere and have coffee.”
“Where?” Just because I was ready to admit that I wanted to be with Sophie didn’t mean we could go public.
“Anywhere. The diner on Main Street.”
“But what if…?”
She shook her head. “We’re not in Colebury. It will be fine. My dad’s spies are at work or sleeping off the night shift. Let’s not worry so much for once. Come on.” She offered me her hand.
I took it.
Chapter Thirty-One
Sophie
Internal DJ tuned to: “You Are My Sunshine”
Sitting there in the booth with Jude, I felt happier than I’d felt in a long time. He watched me with big silver eyes and listened to baby Samantha’s story.
“Every month that went by without her hearing could have produced up to a three-month language lag,” I told him. “No moment of my work life has ever been as rewarding as watching her hear for the first time.”
Jude smiled at me over his coffee cup. “It was so freaking cool, Soph. I can’t believe a machine can make a deaf child hear.”
“It depends on the cause of deafness. But it works for Samantha. After she gets used to the implant, hopefully she can get another one in the other ear. But insurance doesn’t always pay for two. It barely paid for this one. That’s why I kicked in that money…”
He put his ridiculously attractive face in one hand and smiled at me again. “Good use for it.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
The waitress brought us our food—BLTs with extra-crispy bacon. As he took his first bite, Jude’s feet captured mine under the table. He and I were due for some peaceful, sunlit moments together. I watched the man I loved eat his sandwich, and my heart swelled a little more.
“What?” he asked, wiping his mouth. “Did I get mayo somewhere mayo shouldn’t be?”
“No,” I whispered. “You’re just beautiful, that’s all.”
He rolled his eyes a little, because men don’t like to be called “beautiful,” even when it’s true. “Back atcha, babe.”
“I have some things I need to ask you about,” I admitted. “But I think I know a way that we can stop rehashing the past. If you’ll hear me out.”
Jude tucked his napkin into his lap and studied me. “I’ll always hear you out. But I do worry about you.”
“I know. And it’s possible that I’ve been a tiny little bit obsessive with my curiosity.”
“A tiny bit, huh?” He hid his smile behind his coffee mug.
“Okay, a lot obsessive. But I have a plan to settle things once and for all.”
“Let’s hear it.”
I cleared my throat. “You know May is in her second year at the Vermont Law School.”
“Right.”
“She has a lawyer friend there who looks at criminal appeals on a pro-bono basis. What if we shared with him all the things that I think are strange about the way your case was handled? If he thinks there’s something there, you would ask him to pursue it. But if he doesn’t think it looks fishy, I’ll just drop it. I’ll stop asking questions.”
Jude set down the mug and looked out the window at the foot traffic on Main Street. Montpelier was a fun little town, with its tiny legislature and ragtag college students. I wondered what he saw when he studied them. “Okay,” he said, still gazing out the window.