Surprise widened his eyes, and he massaged the back of his neck, big arm bulging as he did. “God, Alexis, you are more than I know what to do with. I’m the freak who just followed you five miles on foot like some kind of fucked-up stalker, and you’re asking me if I’m hungry?”
“I already told you trust is earned in a lot of different ways.”
Something heavy moved through his features, and somehow I knew he was warring with something unseen.
Then he smiled. A smile that flooded through me, filling up my spirit. “You’re insane.”
My lips curved, heat touching my cheeks. “No fear. Just life.”
Chapter Ten
Zee
No fear. Just life.
I’d never met a girl quite like the one sitting across the table from me. The one inciting all kinds of chaos in my already fucked-up world. But I hadn’t been lying. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stay away.
Had felt like I’d been losing my mind. Day by day. Hour by hour. Consumed with worry about her because I understood her situation better than she could ever know.
Didn’t matter how hard I’d fought it. I hadn’t been able to ignore the bond that’d been established between us without my permission.
So, there I sat, out in public with this girl, knowing it was the absolute worst thing I could do.
Sure. We were on a side of town where I was less likely to be recognized. There was little chance of someone taking note of me. So, I’d told myself another lie to make this okay.
Pretended like I wasn’t hooked on every single word that came out of her pretty mouth. Pretended I didn’t love the way she made me smile without effort, that blinding light shining all around her.
I could blame it on the arrows of sunlight shooting through the windows, the way they sparked in her almost white hair and burned in her eyes.
But I knew better.
“Tell me you aren’t over there complaining about being a rock star.” The tease weaved into the words only amplified the intensity. A contented energy that swam around us like a drugging joy.
“What?” I feigned offense. “I’ll have you know it’s a hard life out there on the road. City after city, never knowing which one to call your own.”
“Because you have houses in too many cities, you actually forget where you live? I can’t fathom the atrocity.” The mocking in her voice was the sweetest kind. Nothing malicious behind it. Just this casualness that had seeped into the mood like it’d always belonged.
Nothing like the shit Veronica had given me for years.
Always wanting more and more, never satisfied until there wasn’t anything left.
Quiet laughter rolled from my chest, and my voice dropped like there was even a chance I could be upset by the ribbing. “Look at you sitting over there, thinking so little of me. I’ll have you know, I only have one house that I can call my own. Just bought it last summer. Considering I’m twenty-seven, a whole ton of people would actually consider that kind of pathetic.”
I wondered what she’d think if she knew why. The reasons I’d been holding off, hoping for something to give. And when it gave, praying it’d give in my direction.
“No?” Those blue eyes danced, soft with mirth.
“Truth.”
“So…this place you bought…is it here in LA?” I could almost hear the hope behind it. And I was wondering if she might be wishing I could give her the things I couldn’t.
Was it messed up that part of me was wishing I could?
“Yeah. A loft down in the revitalized area in Hollywood.”
She took a bite of her burger, chewing slowly as she studied me, watching me like she knew whatever I said was going to be important. Like she truly cared. “Why now?”
I sucked in a breath, wishing I could lay it all out, give her everything. Let her hold it and make her own decision.
But I knew better than skating that direction. Giving more than I could. Didn’t matter how badly I might want to share that part of my life with someone. Especially someone like her.
Like I always did, I settled for the half-truths I could afford. At least they weren’t a lie. “Ash…Sunder’s bassist?” I said it like a question, not sure what she knew about the public part of my life.
She nodded for me to continue.
Clearly, she knew exactly who I was talking about. Seemed crazy who I was seemed to make no impact on her perception of me. Zero pretenses set between us because of what I could give her. There was none of that sleazy lust gleaming in her eyes like so many of the chicks who so clearly wanted to sink their claws into me.
She just sat there all lit up. So fucking gorgeous that every time I looked at her she stole a little more of my breath.
An angel.
The brightest light in the midst of my darkness.
Starshine.
I swallowed around the emotion that suddenly clogged every cell.
Fuck.
I couldn’t get lost in this girl. But there was a part of me that wanted to do it anyway. Give up and give in.
My voice was rough when I forced myself to continue. “He got married last summer.”
A soft smile played at her mouth and something shy worked into her admission. “I might have read something about that.”
I chuckled, low and with the affection I felt for Ash and Willow. “They have their first kid coming in just a couple months.”
I shook my head, still so grateful the guy had finally found what he’d been missing. “Ash was the last of my crew to finally give it up and tie the knot. Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day. For the last handful of years, while the rest of the guys had been getting married off, I’d been hanging with him at the house the band owns here in the Hills, and then whenever we were back in Savannah, we crashed at the place he owns there. But once he got married…”
Red splashed her cheeks when she leaned in and whispered, “Things got awkward?”
I chuckled. “Yeah. Could only walk in on them so many times before things got weird. Figured it was time to man up and get my own place. Most all the guys and their families are settling back in Savannah, but each of them bought a house here for when we’re in town. All except for Lyrik and his wife, Tamar. He has this super cool kid, Brendon, who lives half-time across the city with his biological mom, so they spend as much time here as they can swing.”
I gave her a casual shrug like it meant nothing at all, even though I was giving her more than I’d ever given anyone else. “My family’s here, too, so it only made sense this was where I’d finally put down roots.”
Both the family who’d raised me, my mom and my dad, and the one none of them knew a thing about.
Veronica had done a bang-up job of keeping me close and still a galaxy away. It’d been an easy decision to stick around LA more. Trying to earn more time. Even though she seemed intent to take more and more away. Coming back and finding she’d sold the house I’d bought her was proof enough.
Anthony had warned me it was stupid to put it in her name, but I’d done it as a peace offering. A treaty.
Guess I should’ve listened.
A tiny scowl tightened her brow. “Sounds complicated. Going back and forth. Houses in two different cities. Trying to keep up with each other.”