Anger cinched tight. Had way too many things I wanted to say about that, but the last thing I was going to do was take part in poisoning his mind. He was the only good thing that came out of this nasty, heartbreaking mess. The innocent one bred of the worst kind of disaster.
And there I was, keeping Mark’s kid hidden like some kind of dirty secret. But it was me that was filthy.
I touched his chin. “That’s because your mommy spends her time taking care of you.”
That was the one thing I’d always been able to count on from her. That she would always take good care of him. Protect him when I couldn’t be there. Never once had I questioned it. Not until recently.
His smile touched that black place in my soul, dimples denting his chubby cheeks. “I like it when you take care of me, too.”
I ran my hand down the back of his head, wanting to wrap him up and hold on to him forever. “I like it, too, buddy, I like it, too.”
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pushed out a sigh when I pulled it free and read the message, again having to bite my damned tongue.
You’ve been gone for two hours.
“That’s your mom. We need to get you home.”
“But what if I want to go home with you?”
The adoring expression on his face was a reminder of why I was doing what I was doing. Of what I stood to lose. Of why I needed to remember where my loyalties lay.
I had to pretend I wasn’t feeling all the things I was feeling. Pretend like my heart wasn’t calling me across town and this worry about Alexis wasn’t eating me alive.
I tucked all of it away and focused on what mattered.
Liam.
“How about on Sunday we spend the whole day doing whatever it is you want to do?”
Nothing like a diversion.
He hopped to his feet and shoved out his hand. “Deal.”
I couldn’t help the chuckle that was somehow both proud and utterly sad. The kid was growing up so fast. I shook his hand like the little man he was. “Deal.”
I tried.
I fucking tried.
But I couldn’t shake the twisted sense of dread. Couldn’t shake the worry. Felt like I hadn’t slept in days. Weeks, really.
Things were getting more fucked up than they’d ever been. Veronica sketchier than ever. I practiced every day with the band, living that half-life. All the guys and their families had made it into town and our preparations for the tour were in full swing.
In the middle of it all, this mesmerizing girl had taken my mind hostage.
My life felt like it was barely hanging by threads, and it was only a matter of time before every last one of them was snipped and I’d find myself in a free fall.
I knew what was important. Knew what I was fighting for. Knew what I was living for.
But there I was, trailing her from her house like some kind of deranged fuck, keeping tabs on the white ponytail bobbing through the crowd so I didn’t lose her.
Anger twitched my muscles and turned my stomach as she headed deeper and deeper toward the shady part of town.
I’d asked her to stay away. Had basically begged her. But most of us just didn’t know what was for our own good.
God knew I didn’t know it myself.
Chapter Nine
Alexis
“Just…come home with me.” Fear crawled along my skin, my gaze darting around, hating that I had to be afraid.
Avril stared back at me where we were tucked up close and hidden in the shadows against the side of a building. Far too close for comfort to the depravity she’d pulled me into three weeks ago. I had to be an idiot I was there again.
Her eyes were the exact color and shape of mine. But hers…they were drawn and sunken. Vacant. A vast emptiness haunted by ghosts and horrors that I couldn’t even begin to fathom.
Uneasily, she shifted her feet, her voice dropping low like she was terrified anyone else might hear her confession. “You know I can’t do that.”
Grief gripped every cell in my body. “That man…I don’t know who he is…but he’s…dangerous. Don’t you know what he was going to do to me?”
I reached out and took her by the wrist, tugging at her and praying there was a chance the physical connection might draw her closer to me. “I know you’re scared, but I’ll help you. Protect you.”
Her laughter was sad. “You know better than that.” She pulled free of my hold, her body twitching with anxiety as she glanced over her shoulder before she turned back to me. “I really need to go.”
“Avril—”
She shook her head, cutting me off.
“I love you,” I whispered. My last reserve. What could I do when she’d left me with nothing left to say?
A brittle smile wavered on her lips. “I know you do.”
Sorrow bottled in my throat, and I found myself nodding at the same second I was digging in my pocket.
A fool. That was what I was. Because I handed her a wad of cash where we were partially obscured by the building.
Somewhere inside, I knew it was my own fault. I’d trained her that if she called, I’d come running. Without question or reason. Knowing she was only going to trample my heart all over again.
Because when she reached out a shaky hand and clutched the money in a desperate fist, I knew where it would be spent. But how could I ignore her cries when she begged that she was hungry? That she had no place to sleep?
Almost frantically, she stuffed it in her front pocket and began to back away.
A pained panic slammed me from all sides, and I took a surging step forward, my voice a plea. “Avril.”
“Thank you,” she whispered before she turned her back and started walking away from me.
I took a lurching step forward, overcome with the impulse to chase her. “Avril…please.”
She rounded the corner before I could stop her. She never even stopped to look back.
Defeated, I slumped forward, fighting the tears in my eyes and the unbearable ache in my chest. That place that throbbed and moaned every time she walked away and took another piece of me.
I dropped my head, sucking in breaths as I tried to get it together. It seemed the only tough love in this situation were the brutal blows Avril dealt me at every turn.
Straightening, I inhaled toward the sky, needing the sun on my face, the reminder that there were so many beautiful things in this world in the midst of all the ugly and depraved.
Then I froze, awareness shivering through the air, chills prickling across my flesh. I swore I felt my axis tilt, bending and bending and bending until my direction had been altered.
Sucking in a breath, I peeked over my shoulder. My heart trembled and shook.
Staring back at me were brilliant brown eyes that raged and stormed and promised they were getting ready to wreak a new kind of havoc on my life.
On the opposite side of the street, he pushed from the wall where he’d been watching. He didn’t hesitate. He came straight for me. His gaze only broke from mine to dart back and forth at the small street before he began to cross it in long, purposed strides.
A frenzy lit. A quiver of attraction that rocked and provoked.