My eyes burn, but I refuse to cry. Refuse to fall apart at the one time in my life when I’ve never felt more whole.
Her hands sift into my hair. “Kiss me.”
I nod, knowing now and this day forward I’d give her anything she asked for. I’d pull my beating heart from my own chest if she wanted it.
Tilting my head, I kiss her with the emotion of a man who never believed in love but who with this one woman has learned that even the damned have a chance at redemption. Even the vile can find acceptance.
There are hearts big enough to love those who are different than them, who are hard to understand.
And I, by some freak accident, found her.
I’ll die before I let her go.
THIRTY-TWO
SHYANN
Rain pummels the roof of the river house while Lucas and I lie naked and tangled in each other. The window is open and the smell of the forest is intensified as it blows over our heated bodies.
My cheek is pressed to Lucas’s chest, and I find peace in the gentle rhythm of his pulse. He’s relaxed, and if it weren’t for fingers tracing a pattern on my back, I’d think he was asleep. I pretend he’s creating one of his drawings, maybe an image of our future together or perhaps a recollection of our lovemaking.
“What’re you thinking about?” He accents his words with a squeeze to my hip.
“Trying to figure out what you’re drawing on my back.”
He chuckles and the sound washes over me, sinking me deeper into his embrace. “You’re so soft. Can’t stop touching you.” His fingertips continue to dance across my skin.
“So you’re not creating your next masterpiece?”
His hand flattens against my skin and he kisses the top of my head. “You’re the masterpiece, Shy.”
I close my eyes and absorb his words.
“But I can’t concentrate enough to draw right now.”
I turn at his serious tone and rest my chin on his pec. “What’s wrong?”
He blinks down at me. “You told me you love me.” Confusion darkens his gorgeous face.
I lie back down and throw my arm over his belly. “That’s because I do love you. And if it’s hard to believe, I’ll just keep telling you every few minutes until it sinks in.”
“That could take a while.” There’s no smile in his voice, no hint of levity, but the weight of seriousness drips off his tone.
“You’re gonna get sick of hearin’ it.”
“Never.” He kisses my head, and a deep silence builds between us, his fingers resuming movement on my back.
This is the most time I’ve ever had alone with Lucas. Usually whenever we get close, Gage bursts through and rips us apart. A tiny grin ticks my lips; a relationship with Lucas seemed so impossible in the beginning, but it doesn’t seem so impossible now.
“What’re you smiling about?”
“How do you know I’m smiling? You can’t even see my face.”
He chuckles and the vibration rumbles against my cheek. “I can feel it.”
I shrug. “I’m celebrating a small victory.” I press a kiss to his chest, then push up to my elbows. “We’ve uncovered a lot in a couple hours and . . . no Gage.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “This is usually the kind of thing he’d rather . . . enjoy . . . for himself. And you telling me you love me seems like—”
“He’d show up to protect you.”
He makes a noise of agreement.
“Well, I have a theory if you want to hear it.”
He grips me to him and rolls so that he’s on top of me. The weight of his big body presses into mine, and his erection lies against my thigh. I bite my lip and try to focus beyond my desire.
“Yeah, I want your theory.”
I suck in a breath and nod. “It’s simple, really.” I stare at him for a few silent seconds, nervous about how he’s going to take this. “Thing is . . . I love him too.”
His eyebrows pinch together and his mouth pulls into a tight line. “You love Gage.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s part of you.”
His eyes dart to the side. “The bad part.”
I pull his face back to mine and press a kiss to his lips. “I don’t believe that.”
“You said it yourself. He’s not been good to you, Shy.” He starts to push himself up and off the bed. I struggle to hold him close, but he’s too strong and I’m left alone on the bed, watching as he pulls on his boxers.
Feeling suddenly vulnerable, I grab the sleeping bag and cover my naked body. “He’s stubborn, and grumpy, and yeah, he’s rough around the edges but he’s also fiercely protective—”
“He hurt you.” His jaw clenches.
“He threatened me, but he hasn’t hurt me.”
“Yet.”
I push up and sit. “He loves you.”
A humorless laugh bursts from his lips. “He hurts people—”
“Lucas, please.” I reach out a hand, hoping he doesn’t reject it. “Calm down.”
He stares at it for a few seconds before moving to sit on the bed. I push up and wrap my arms around him, fitting my front to his back. “The only way things will work out between us is if I have both of you.”