“I know. But I wanted to.” An emotion flickers behind her eyes and she schools her expression before I get a good hold on what it was. “Can you control it? I mean, have you tried to control it, him? Gage?”
“If I stay alert, I can usually feel it coming. I’ve been able to hold off the blackout, but only for seconds. When he shows up, it’s . . . abrupt, like getting hit on the head. One minute I’m there, the next I’m not.”
She steps closer, searching my eyes, and the proximity makes my pulse pound. “Can he hear me?”
“I think so. We’re the same person. If I can hear you, he can too.”
“But you couldn’t hear me when Gage was here.”
I jolt at her confession. “You tried to get to me?”
“Not at first. At first I just thought you hated me and wanted me to leave you alone, but then, after the ki—” She rubs her forehead, her eyes downcast. “Crap, maybe . . . never mind.”
I pull her hand from her face, unable to bear her hiding from me. “Tell me.” My stomach tumbles and nerves make my palms sweat as I anticipate her next words.
She exhales in defeat and fixes her eyes on mine. “It was the kiss, Lucas. That’s when I realized it wasn’t you.”
“How?”
“It was rough, aggressive, demanding. Everything you’re not.”
I swallow and try to avoid dropping my gaze. “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” she whispers, and there’s a longing in her voice.
“Did you like it?”
Her breath catches. “Yes.”
My eyelids slide closed when I feel the warmth of her palm on my jaw and her fingers absently brush the scar on my neck, sending goose bumps down my arms.
“Talk to me.”
“But . . . he scared you, right? You said he kicked you out, that you walked home.” I blink, a war of emotions tumbling around in my chest. “I can’t believe you’d kiss me.”
“Gage kissed me.”
“But you kissed him back. I mean, you kissed me back?”
She shivers and peers up at me with molten-blue eyes. “I did.”
My pulse kicks wildly and I tremble as Shyann moves to erase the distance between us. She doesn’t touch me, but she’s close enough that with every inhale the heat of her breasts warms my ribs. “What are you doing, Shy?”
She smiles softly and closes her eyes. “I like it when you call me that.”
That wasn’t an answer, but the way she said it makes it feel like one.
“I don’t know how.” The words rush out, a defense of some kind.
“You do, trust me. You really do.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you.” I blink and search the backs of my eyes, the depths of my head, hoping I don’t find Gage there waiting to come forward. Other than the quick brush of our lips in my kitchen, I’ve never kissed a woman before. I’ve been kissed, every single time against my will, but I’ve blacked out before things went further. I’ve woken to naked women lying next to me, used condoms littering the floor, and an ache between my legs, but it’s always been Gage.
“I won’t be disappointed, Lucas. But I won’t push you into doing something you don’t want to do.” She takes a step back, but my arm shoots out to hook her around the waist.
I didn’t think; I just didn’t want her to distance herself and reacted. She stares up at me with wide eyes, shock, which I recognize immediately because it’s exactly the way I’m feeling.
Her expression softens and she guides my other arm around her waist so that I can interlace my fingers at her lower back. “Is this okay?”
The warmth of her body seeps through my hands and stirs my hunger. “Yes.” I want to roar that it’s better than okay. That I’ve been fantasizing about her like this since the night she showed up in the river, but every passing second where my lips aren’t on hers feels like wasted time.
Sliding her hands up my forearms, she blazes a trail of heat to my biceps. “You’re shaking.”
“I’m nervous.”
“Don’t be. Just tell me this is what you want, Lucas. This is your kiss, not Gage’s. If I’m pushing you—”
“You’re not.”
She pulls herself even closer and my erection meets the soft flesh of her stomach. My cheeks flame with embarrassment, but she doesn’t seem to care. Instead she bites her lip and her breathing picks up.
I lick my lips, suddenly starving for her mouth but unsure how to proceed. In my limited experience, kisses have been violent, a rough meeting of mouths and teeth. That’s not what I want with her.