He takes a step forward but must see something in my expression that makes him stop. “That’s not true. I trust you. I do. I can’t bear to lose you, that’s all. We can’t live without you and that’s . . .” He blows out a long breath. “How can I prove it to you?”
I swallow hard, hoping what I’m about to say doesn’t take us two steps back in the progress we’ve made. But I have to know he trusts me, and it’s the only way. “Tell me what happened the night your family died.”
His face blanches. “You’ll hate me when you hear.”
I move closer until we’re almost touching but I refuse to make the first move. He’ll reach for me when he’s ready. “I could never hate you, Gage.”
“Thought I ruined everything.”
“You almost did, but lucky for you I don’t give up easily.”
“You should let us go, find the life you deserve, Shy.” His eyes shine and he dips his chin. “I can’t promise I won’t hurt you again.”
“Of course you can.”
“I can’t. This is all so new and I’m so fucking afraid of messing it up.”
“Take a chance, Gage. Trust me. Let me carry some of this weight for you. Tell me what happened the night your family died.”
His arms wrap around me and he buries his face in my neck, the skin of his cheeks cold and clammy against my heated throat. His big body sags against me in what feels like welcomed defeat. “Why are you intent on destroying me, Shy?” He’s dropping his walls and my chest floods with warmth as his trust envelopes me like a warm blanket. His lips dance across my skin. “Why?”
“I don’t want to destroy you.” My pulse pounds in my ears at the shakiness in his voice. I’ve never heard him so undone. I wrap my arms around him, holding him to me. “I want you to let me love you.”
He pulls back, his eyes flickering, and I don’t know how I know, but I feel Lucas trying to get through. I cup his jaw with both hands. “I love you, Gage. I do.”
His face twists like he’s in pain. “I hurt you.” His voice takes on a childlike tone.
“You should’ve talked to me. I would’ve explained.”
His features turn cold, distant. “No man puts his lips on you.”
“Gage, please. Listen to me. Dustin made a mistake, all right. He apologized. He knows where I belong and it’s not with him.” I search his eyes, imploring him to see the truth in mine. “I don’t want anyone but you.”
A small smile curves his lips. “And Luke.”
“Of course, and Lucas.” I run my thumb along his lower lip and he drops his eyes closed.
“I didn’t kill them,” he whispers.
Relief washes over me like the warmest caress. I knew in my heart Lucas and Gage weren’t capable of murdering children, but hearing it directly from the only person who survived that night squashed the trickle of doubt. He didn’t kill them.
“The night they died . . .” He stares at his hands. “Mom, she . . . had a way with punishment. It was always a mental game with her. I don’t even know what we did that day to piss her off so badly.” He laughs, but it’s far from funny. “Not that she ever needed a reason to fuck with us.” His expression turns dark, like a switch has been flipped. “She called us all in the room and handed Mikey a knife.”
I roll my lips into my mouth, holding back my words, my sobs, and my breath.
“She put a gun to Mikey’s head. I remember it was silver.” He blinks, then scowls as if it’s all playing out before him. “She told him if he didn’t stab our sister, she’d put a bullet in his brain.”
I want to beg him to stop, to save me from the nightmare of his past, but I know he needs to tell it just as badly as I need to hear it.
“Mikey cried; he begged not to be killed.” His head lolls to the side, his cold, haunted eyes on mine. “You ever heard a ten-year-old boy beg for his life, Shy?”
I shake my head, incapable of words, all while my soul is screaming for his pain.
“He couldn’t do it. Every time he brought that knife to her little neck, she’d scream that she didn’t want to die, beg for her life.” He thumps his temple with his fist. “I can still hear it!”
Tears build in my eyes and threaten to spill. “I’m so sorry . . .” I whisper.
“Mom told him to open his mouth. He listened.” His eyes drift away to focus on nothing. “He always listened to her. He was a good kid.” Snapping out of whatever memory he was in, his gaze shifts to mine. “She slid his shaking fingers onto the trigger, took the knife, and held it to our sister’s throat. Gave him a second option. Kill himself or she’d kill Alexis.”
“Oh, Gage—” I cover my mouth as a sob rips from my chest.