Panahsi was right of course. The three of them could already work spells I’d never be able to cast, not for as long as I lived. Inside the cage, the nekhek lay on its side, still moaning in pain. You can’t stop them from doing this. They’ll only hurt you as well if you try.
‘Maybe if you let yourself go,’ Nephenia said, reaching out a hand. ‘I mean, concentrate on the spell, but let go of the fear of doing it wrong. You worry too much, Kellen.’
I almost laughed. Fear. Sure, that was all it was. I looked again at the nekhek trapped behind the bars, terrified out of its mind.
Then I realised that she was right. Fear was the answer. Fear held its own kind of magic, if you could harness it.
‘Don’t waste your time, Neph,’ Tennat said. ‘We could stand here all night waiting and Kellen wouldn’t spark a glow-glass bulb. Besides, I’ve got something really cool I want to—’
‘There’s one spell I can do,’ I muttered, more to myself than to him.
‘Yeah? What spell is that? The running-away spell?’ He scrunched his face tight. ‘Or maybe the trying-so-hard-you-wet-your-own-pants spell? I hear you’re good at that one.’
‘Tennat!’ Nephenia said.
‘All right, all right,’ Tennat said, his hands up in mock submission. ‘It’s just a fact. Some people can’t work magic. Maybe when you join the servants we can still—’
‘You can’t either, Tennat,’ I said. ‘Not when you’re afraid. Even the masters can’t cast spells when they’re afraid, when they can’t concentrate. But I’ve got one that works no matter how scared I am.’
Tennat gave a snort and stepped in front of Panahsi and Nephenia to give me a shove. ‘Your friend with the razor blades isn’t here, Kellen. You think I’m afraid of some sickly, magic-less—’
I swung the rock hard and slammed it into the side of his head. Tennat’s eyes went wide with surprise and he hung there for an instant. Then his body worked out what had happened, his legs gave out from under him and he fell to the ground.
‘What the hells—’ Panahsi started, but I didn’t give him a chance. I swung the rock again and got a glancing hit against his lips and front teeth. He stumbled back out of the way. I didn’t give him a chance to recover. Panahsi was smart. He only needed to get away from me for a moment and calm himself long enough to cast a spell. I couldn’t give him that chance. Pain works as well as fear to break concentration, so I kicked him in the knee. He let out a scream and went down next to Tennat.
Nephenia, her eyes full of shock and confusion, was already forming a knot spell with her left hand that would have me writhing on the ground in another second. ‘Kel …’ She hesitated for just a second. So did I. This was the girl I’d wanted ever since I was twelve years old, for whom I’d written dozens of stupid, lovesick poems. I still kept them in a box buried in the garden behind my home. I knew I’d never show them to her, that I’d be humiliated if my sister or anyone else found them, but I’d kept them all the same. I’d tried to draw pictures of her too, and if there’d been an ounce of magic in me I swear I would have used it up on every charm spell ever devised. I guess you could say I was in love with her.
Maybe that was why, when I punched her in the face, it was with the hand that wasn’t holding the rock.
‘Stop him,’ Panahsi said, clutching his leg. I could see him trying to concentrate but the pain was too much.
I had to keep them all off balance. My people aren’t used to physical pain. We’re not violent. Or rather, we don’t usually like to get our own hands dirty. A Jan’Tep man is supposed to be calm and collected, reserved and, when he speaks, full of brilliant insights and wit. I was screaming like a lunatic at all of them, at the very world around us. ‘How do you like my magic now?’ I shouted. ‘How do you like it now, you bastard –’
Something struck me hard on the back of the legs. Panahsi had found a stick and had hit me with it even as he lay on his side. I went down, but twisted away just in time to avoid the stick landing on my head. Someone kicked me in the ribs. It was Tennat. He kicked me again. I tried to kick him back, but I was stuck like an overturned turtle. At first I couldn’t get a solid connection, but when I did I pushed back with both feet, sliding myself back along the sand towards the cage. I felt something grab at my hair and thought the nekhek might be clawing at me, so I pulled my head away. It would serve me right if, after throwing my life away for it, the little monster ended up killing me.
Glancing back, I realised it was trying to grab at the latch of the cage. There was a lock that kept it from opening, but I still had the rock in my hand. I rolled around and got my knees under me, taking a kick in the middle of my back from Tennat in order to have my chance. I slammed the rock down hard on the lock. Once, twice. On the third try it broke, and the door swung open.
The others were all on their feet now, coming towards me. Nephenia, bless her heart, actually had a hand on Panahsi’s arm as he limped towards me, as if she might hold him back. They all stopped in their tracks when they saw the nekhek emerge. No, not a nekhek. It’s called a squirrel cat.
The creature growled, a thin, almost feathery sound that was full of rage. Panahsi and Tennat stumbled back from it. I looked at the little monster, its furry face only a foot away from my own. It moved closer, its eyes catching mine. For a second I thought it might be trying to protect me. It understands, I thought. It knows what I did.
Two things happened just then, both of which I guess I deserved. The first was, the squirrel cat bit my hand so hard it drew blood. The second was that the little monster ran away, out past the edge of the colonnades and away from the oasis, leaving me with the three people I’d just assaulted in order to free it.
‘A bind!’ Panahsi shouted. ‘Someone use a binding spell on the damned nekhek!’
‘The creature’s too far away,’ Tennat replied.
‘Then go after it!’ Panahsi punctuated his words with a kick to my stomach.
I saw Tennat run past me after it, but he came back a moment later. ‘It’s gone. It’s too damned fast.’
I felt another kick to the gut. I grabbed at the leg, wrestling it and using it to pull myself into a sitting position. I should have stayed down. Panahsi grasped my hair with one hand and drove his fist into my face with the other. Blood exploded from my nose, the droplets falling slowly and glowing in the soft light, like the petals from summer blossoms picked up by the wind. It’s like a magic spell, I thought, the idea striking me as incredibly funny despite the ensuing waves of pain.
‘You think this was a joke?’ Tennat said, kicking me in the side while Panahsi held my head up by its hair. ‘You think you’re going to laugh your way out of this?’