“Yes,” he said without hesitation. He gestured to his torso to the long, raised claw marks that had healed long ago into crisscrossing scars that showed even through his tattoo ink. “You never even noticed mine. You don’t have to worry about your face though, Nevada. You’re safe.”
But she knew better. She knew what was really coming, and at some point, whether it was now or ten years from now, she would be marked by her people. It was the greatest shame for a fox to be shunned, but she would learn to be proud of it, because it would mean she cut herself from a place she didn’t belong and found something better. Nox didn’t know it, and she wouldn’t admit it out loud, but though she was submissive and scared of talking to people, she wasn’t a runner. Never had been. And she couldn’t live the rest of her life looking over her shoulder. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with a steady gaze, looking right at Nox.
She had plans. And now that he’d told her, with truth ringing clear as a bell in his voice, that he would still care for her anyway, she was going to get the marking over with and get on with her life—with Nox.
Nox grabbed the hand towel beside him suddenly and wiped the leftover shaving cream from his smooth face. His jaw was chiseled and masculine, his smile lines visible now. He looked so different. Softer. He was beautiful, if that term could be coined for a brawler like Nox Fuller. It was the question in his eyes that held her, though. With a slight frown tugging at his blond eyebrows, he pulled her against his chest and rested his chin on top of her head. And they just sat there like that for minutes or hours or days. She didn’t know how long, and she didn’t care. All she cared about was Nox’s steady heartbeat drumming against her cheek, the way his hands felt as he rubbed gentle circles up and down her spine, his scent. All she cared about was feeling utterly complete right here, all wrapped up in Nox.
“You were the best surprise,” he said low. “Now you tell me, what’s going on in that head of yours?”
But she couldn’t because he wouldn’t allow her to do what she was going to do. He would take her away, and they would be on the lam from her destiny for always. She didn’t want him to live like that. So instead of explaining why the marks needed to happen, she cuddled closer and gave him a content sigh. “Nothing, Nox. Everything’s fine.”
Chapter Fifteen
Nevada couldn’t get warm this morning. Her skin had been covered in chills from the moment she woke up. Not even Nox’s strong arm around her and his hot-as-coal skin against her back could warm her.
She also couldn’t help the soft snarl that kept scratching its way up her throat. It was a miracle she hadn’t woken Nox as she readied to go to her childhood home.
Her phone lit up. She’d been a clever fox and put it on silent so it wouldn’t alert her mate. It was a message from Mom.
If you do this, you can’t ever come back. You understand that, right?
Why do you want me to stay? Nevada typed out. The answer mattered more than anything. Send.
Because you’re a Foxburg. You will be the greatest shame of our family, and we will never live this down. You will unseat our place in this den with your selfishness.
Nevada winced at the pain those words caused in her middle. Selfishness? Mom wasn’t very good at being a mom. She never had been. She’d always been missing that tenderness that Nevada had yearned for. It was selfish of her to choose her own mate? To choose someone who didn’t make her feel alone and awful about herself? It was selfish to want kits with someone who would give them dandelions and plan prank days into their thirties? It was selfish to want not just a better life but a fulfilling one? She squeezed her eyes tightly closed, loosing twin tears to her cheeks.
That was enough.
That was the final hurt she would allow on her insides from her people.
Not after today.
Today would be the worst of her life. It was going to hurt, not just physically, but emotionally, because the people she’d so desperately wanted to accept her all this time would be the ones scarring her, shunning her.
But tomorrow? She was going to wake up sore and aching for what she lost…but she was going to wake up free to gain so much more.
Nox was freedom, and she was going to fight for him.
She shouldered her purse and looked at his sleeping form once more. God, she hoped he found her pretty after today. She hoped he held onto that ability to see her insides first and outsides second. She was about to go to her knees for a chance at a better life, and he was going to be very important in her learning to stand again.
He didn’t know it yet, but Nox was about to become the hero he swore up and down he wasn’t.
Dashing her knuckles over her damp cheeks to dry them, she straightened her spine and made her way past all the creaky floorboards and padded outside into the gray dawn light.
Her breath froze in front of her like the steam from a train as she made her way down the snow-caked sidewalk. It had been storming all night, and three inches of the sparkling, white powder was on the ground now. Above her, the clouds churned in discontent—fitting for the day.
She was going to do this, and she was going to be tough about it.
She’d prepared.
Nevada set the bag of first-aid supplies in the passenger’s seat and slid in behind the wheel. No one would touch her after this was done. No one would help her, and she wouldn’t heal very fast, so it was up to her to take care of herself. Nox couldn’t see her until she was mostly healed. She’d reserved a room in a hotel a few towns over for a few nights.
This was rock bottom—knowing she was truly alone right now. But this is what Nevada knew about rock bottom. You go over the edge of that cliff, or maybe you’re pushed. And at first, the fall isn’t so bad because you can see the water below. You know it’ll be over soon, and you’ll hit the waves and then break the surface, still alive, still breathing. But when things pile up, suddenly the bottom drops out and turns black, you just keep falling, and it’s not that exciting roller-coaster-feel in the pit of your stomach anymore. Its uncertainty and fear of the unknown. It’s fear that the fall will never end. And when you do finally see that bottom again, it’s covered in jagged rocks, and you scream because it’s terrifying. You’re falling too fast, and there’s no landing softly, no landing on your feet, and this is going to hurt. You curl in on yourself right before impact because there’s no way you’ll survive. And then…you hit, and it hurts, but you wake up lying on your back and looking up at that cliff you got pushed from. Your body is tired and it aches, but that pain means you’re still alive. And it’s up to you to get up from that rock bottom and start slowly climbing that wall again to get back where you were.
Or if Nevada was really determined and lucky, maybe she could claw her way to something even better.
Today was rock bottom.