“You’re goddamn right I’m angry! Thirty-five years later and ‘I can’t’ is the only thing she has to say?”
“I’m sorry,” Evan said. He raked thick fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair. He glanced toward the kitchen, then back at Natalie and Brooke. “I didn’t realize she’d react like this.”
Brooke didn’t say a word. Her jaw was set and her eyes were locked in the direction their mother had gone. Natalie looked away for only a split second, but that was all it took for Brooke to get up and head toward the back door. “Brooke, wait!” Natalie said, but when her sister didn’t respond, both Natalie and Evan stood up and followed her onto the deck.
Despite the cold, Jennifer sat without a coat on a cushioned couch, surrounded by her four dogs, who lay by her feet. Brooke stood in front of her with her hands on her hips. “Is that all we get?” she demanded. “Your story? Don’t you want to know anything about us? Don’t you care?”
Natalie strode over and grabbed Brooke’s arm, but her sister jerked away. “Brooke, stop,” Natalie said. “Let’s just go.”
“Natalie has children,” Brooke continued, as though her sister hadn’t spoken at all. “Her daughter’s name is Hailey, and she’s seven years old. She’s really into cooking shows. And Henry is five, obsessed with Buzz Lightyear.”
Jennifer looked up from the ground, the glow from the porch light reflecting in her eyes. Her shoulders curled forward, and she seemed so small, a little like an animal, stuck in a trap. In her face, Natalie could picture the young, frightened girl she had been when she chose to let them go. Their birth mother was an accomplished professional, but she also seemed brittle, as though she might shatter from a simple touch or misspoken word. Evan stepped over and sat down next to his wife again, but he stayed silent.
“That’s right,” Brooke said, clearly fighting back her own tears. “You’re a grandmother.” She ran her right hand over her burgeoning belly, tucking the fabric of her blouse around it so the fact that she was pregnant was impossible to miss. “And you’ll be one again in April. I’m having a girl, too, but I haven’t decided on a name yet. I’m single, like you were, but I’m going to raise her on my own.” Her shoulders began to shake. “Don’t you want to know them?” Brooke asked. “Don’t you want to know us?”
“I’m so sorry,” Jennifer said in a wobbling voice, then dropped her eyes back to the ground. She reached down and stroked the silky head of one of her dogs in a repetitive movement, one that reminded Natalie of the way Brooke’s fingers had worked the edge of her lavender blanket when Natalie returned it to her the first time they saw each other as adults.
“It’s okay,” Natalie said. “We understand. We just wanted to see you. To let you know we were okay. We won’t bother you again.”
“Don’t do this!” Brooke cried, staring at their mother. “You have to say something! Please!”
Natalie felt the muscles convulse inside her chest; her sister sounded like a child again. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. She couldn’t stand the pain Brooke was in; they both had hoped for such a different reaction than Jennifer had given them. But there was no changing it now. The woman obviously wasn’t capable of having a relationship with them. It was time for them to leave.
Natalie took Brooke by the arm again, and this time, her sister didn’t pull away. “Thanks for talking with us,” Natalie said to Jennifer. “And we’re sorry to blindside you like this. I’ll leave you my card inside, just in case you ever change your mind. We wish you both the best.”
“Take care,” Evan said, rising from the couch to briefly shake Natalie’s hand. “Let me walk you to your car.”
“That’s okay,” Natalie said. “We’re fine.”
Evan nodded, and sat back down next to his wife. He put a long arm around her, and she leaned into his chest, closing her eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she said again, and then Natalie led Brooke into the house, stopping briefly to drop one of her business cards on the kitchen counter. A moment later, they were inside Natalie’s car, backing out of the driveway, pointed south, on the road toward home.
? ? ?
Lost in their own thoughts, the two sisters didn’t speak until they were almost halfway back to Seattle. Brooke wept quietly for the first ten minutes or so of the trip, but Natalie kept silent, knowing at this point there were few words she could offer that would provide any comfort. They’d made the decision to show up at Jennifer’s house together, but it was Brooke who seemed the most driven to confront their mother. It was she who had the deepest issues to resolve.
“I can’t believe she just shut down like that,” Brooke finally said as they passed the sign that told them the express lanes were closed heading into Seattle. “Can you believe it?”