“If forever existed, I would have wanted it with you,” he whispered in her ear.
Peyton’s eyes fluttered closed at his words. The same words that had caused her heart to shrivel and throb. Lifting her hips, she slowly sank back down. With Callum’s hands on her hips, guiding her, she repeated her movements, finding a rhythm of undeniable pleasure.
Forever doesn’t exist.
The concept of it all is just a process, a thought we create to give us confidence in our choices, a promise before the end.
Forever is like a blooming cherry blossom, beautiful even after the wind has blown it away from home to settle on the tainted ground below.
Peyton kissed his neck several times before she trailed her lips up to his jaw and then his ear. The way Callum thrust hard into caused her to moan as he took control.
“If I could have forever with anyone, I’d want it with you, Callum.”
Callum and I are cherry blossoms.
We flourish.
We taint.
We lie about what we really want.
We want a forever that has died long before us.
Callum and I,
We’re dying.
Dear Peyton,
I don’t know where you are in life at the moment, but I hope you’re happy. I hope that, whatever happens, you don’t hate Callum Reid. If you do, I’m sorry. That’s entirely my fault. In this moment, right now, it was a choice I made because I wanted him to make me happy. I wanted him to make me better. Being with him, I feel, and I haven’t felt in a long time. But you know that all too well.
You’re probably reading this because he’s gone and you’re wondering why you did this. You love him, Peyton. That’s why. Because you would rather be loved by him for now than not at all. Whatever his reasons are for leaving this time round, accept them. You got a lot more than last time.
I know that I should have forced him away a lot sooner, but he’s the one I can’t let go. I know he will break my heart, I knew that going into it all. But I’ve been lonely for so long that I just wanted to be loved by him, like I always have. I hope that he’s told you what ‘Sometimes Moments’ are, because I have a feeling it was what we were and all we could have.
Maybe, in the short space of time he allowed us to have together, we had our forever. That’s what I’ll tell myself. It’s been a lonely life, Peyton, but it’s been a good one, without or without Callum. I hope that you’ve mended things with Jay and Graham. Being with Callum again made me realise just how much my love for them all differs. I love Graham more purely because he gave me the strength I needed. And Jay... I will love him for his friendship. But Callum I love the most. I have always loved Callum the most. I love him more than I love breathing. I love him more than the pain I have to endure to be with him and to save him. I love him more than I love myself, and I love him enough to sacrifice a forever with him for now.
I know you’re hurt, Peyton. I can feel it right now. But your heart loves him enough to give up a future with him. You see, the heart is a funny thing. So vital yet so easily broken. It doesn’t take much to destroy an organ. But he will destroy more than that; he will destroy your soul and your belief. Give it time, Peyton. You will learn all over again. You will be okay.
I know that, in the end, this is all worth it. I hope that you told him that he found redemption the moment he walked back into your life. Give him his freedom, Peyton. Let him walk away.
Your heart will beat again. It will find a will to live and love.
I believe in you.
Peyton.
Pressing save and labelling the document “When he’s gone,” Peyton closed her laptop. Then she looked down at the rug to see him asleep near the fireplace, his designs sprawled across the floor.
After they’d made love, he’d kissed her and lain next to her until he’d gotten off the bed and put his clothes on. The sight of him dressing had been an eye opener. Words were nothing in comparison to actions. And Callum’s actions had proved that this was temporary for them. He’d given her one last kiss before he’d said that he had to go home and shower.
She hadn’t expected him at her bathroom door as she’d lain in the bath this morning. He had placed the designs on the sink counter, walked over to her, and sat next to the tub. He’d held her hand as they’d enjoyed the peaceful moment. By the time the hot water had turned lukewarm, Callum had let go of her hand and stood up. She’d tilted her head at him, and he’d kissed her forehead before telling her that he’d let her bathe. Once he’d walked out, she’d sat in the water until it had gone cold before she’d gotten out and changed.