They were the words he’d whispered before he’d fallen asleep. Peyton had closed her eyes and let them brand every cell in her body. She believed him. Callum’s being inside her as he confessed his love was something that she hadn’t been able to imagine. It had been powerful, moving.
And it had also been heartbreaking. They’d made their ending even more difficult. She’d known that the moment that he’d let those words be heard. But she had seen the freedom in his eyes when the truth had been revealed.
Peyton continued to run her fingers through his hair as she stared at the ceiling. She’d been up for most of the night, terrified that he’d leave her or that it had all been a dream.
Callum Reid is my nightmare, my dream come true.
He’s my sometimes and my forever.
He’s the man who will undoubtedly destroy the person I am.
He will either liberate or kill my heart…
And I would let him do it.
I would let him crush my soul to redeem his.
In some way, he had already achieved her forgiveness. He had put the doubts to rest. Throughout the years, she’d believed that it had been nothing but a lie to him, that his feelings for her had never been genuine. These doubts had clung to her heart and told her not to ever forget. But when he’d said that he was in love with her, those doubts had detached themselves and faded away.
This is a now moment.
She knew that it wasn’t a forever moment. The ending was close; she felt it in every beat of his heart and her own. Until she knew what a sometimes moment was, she would file last night as one of them. Sometimes didn’t mean all the time. Sometimes meant once, maybe twice. They were once, maybe twice. The thought had her heart beating fast in aches.
“Your heartbeat picked up. What are you thinking about, Peyton?”
The caressing of her fingers stopped at the sound of his voice. He didn’t move to meet her glance. Instead, he let his fingers trace the skin of her stomach. She held her breath and thought of what to say.
The ending? That you’re in love with me? That I’m in love with you? Our ending?
Peyton breathed out and let her fingers resume their strokes, not saying a word. Unable to trust the words that would come from her mouth, she kept quiet.
“I meant what I said last night,” he said before he propped himself up and looked down at her.
Peyton nodded her head at him and sat up, resting her back on the headboard. Then she let out a sigh and combed her hair with her fingers.
“We just made things a lot more difficult, Callum,” she pointed out.
“The sex part? Or the ‘I love you’ part?” he asked, sitting up and facing her.
“Both.”
Callum took her hands and pulled her into his lap, straddling him. She felt him under her, but the look in his eyes wasn’t just about making love again. There was something more and she hoped to find it someday. But for now she leant forward and placed a kiss on the cherry blossom that was on his shoulder.
Her lips left Callum’s tattooed skin when he said, “Just because we can’t have forever doesn’t mean I’m going to love you any less, Peyton.”
She straightened her body as she looked into his grey eyes. This morning, they were light, reflecting the honesty that was evident in his voice.
No forever. We have love, but no forever.
“Unlove me, Callum,” she instructed.
He tensed and his face grew sad. His hands were on her waist, holding her to him almost as if he were afraid of her leaving.
“Could you unlove me, Peyton?”
She wrapped her hand around his left wrist and turned it over, looking at her tattooed name. Using her right hand to steady his wrist, she let her left index finger trace each letter.
“No,” she said and met his eyes. “I’ve spent over four years trying to. Unloving you is impossible and so is loving you. Could you unlove me?” she asked once more.
He gazed down at his tattoos, and a sad smile touched his lips. “No. Every part of me has loved you since the start. I could never unlove you, Peyton.”
Even though she knew what the end held for them, she let herself fall in love with his words. This was what seventeen-year-old Peyton had wanted and what twenty-one-year-old Peyton had avoided. But in this moment, there was no difference. The Peyton in this moment loved him and his words. From now on, she’d only listen to ‘in the moment Peyton.’ She would be the one to benefit from his love for now.
Bringing his wrist to her mouth, she kissed her name and then let her lips touch every tattooed cherry blossom up his arm. When she reached his shoulder, she left a lingering kiss on the largest one near his collarbone. Letting go of his wrist, she placed her hands on his cheeks and kept eyes locked on his. Then she breathed in deeply before she lifted her hips and positioned herself over him.
“Love me as hard as you can for the rest of the moments we have together,” she breathed before slowly sank down on him.
His fingers dug into her waist as he panted. Her breathing mirrored his, and she let out a soft moan. The feeling of being complete washed over her. Dropping her head to his shoulder, she stilled and memorised the feeling of him filling her.