Her eyes went wide. “Damn. Why don’t you come over tonight? We can talk.” She gave me directions to the house she shared with Sebastian, and I told her I’d be there at six.
I spent the rest of the day moping, fretting, and trying to come up with ideas to get Natalie to see me in a new light, but mostly I just walked around in dazed circles, opening the fridge when I meant to open the pantry, going into the library and then forgetting why I was in there, losing entire chunks of time staring aimlessly into space.
For fuck’s sake, someone please tell me love gets easier.
At five o’clock I took a shower and got dressed, then hit the wine store on the way to Skylar’s so I wasn’t empty-handed.
Sebastian let me into their house, which turned out to be a sort of pimped out one-room cabin with a loft, set in some secluded woods on the water. He gave me a tour while Skylar was changing out of her work clothes.
“This is amazing,” I said, standing on the stone patio and taking it all in. “So quiet and private.” In the past, that wouldn’t have appealed to me so much, but now that I was looking ahead, I could see how living in a place like this with Natalie would be heaven.
“Thanks. Can I get you a beer? Or a glass of wine?”
“I’ll take a beer, thanks.”
Sebastian went in the house and came out a minute later with two beers, Skylar at his heels with a glass of wine in her hands.
“Let’s sit,” she said, dropping down in a patio chair and tucking her legs underneath her, just like Natalie had sat last night. “Tell me how it went. I haven’t talked to Nat yet.”
I sat opposite her and Sebastian chose a seat to her left. They listened intently while I told them what I’d said.
“You said you wanted to do the right thing?” Skylar’s lower lip twitched. “Hmm.”
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked. “Wouldn’t a nice guy do the right thing?”
“She doesn’t want a nice guy. She wants you.” Skylar frowned. “OK, that came out wrong. But you know what I mean. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s forcing you into being someone you’re not. She doesn’t want to be your obligation. She wants the real you to want her.”
“I do,” I said helplessly, squeezing the beer bottle tightly in one hand. This was so fucking frustrating. “I swear to God. And I know I’ve said all kinds of things in the past about how I don’t want a wife and kids, but now when I think about it with her, it’s different.”
“Did you actually propose?” Sebastian asked.
I cocked my head. “I don’t think so.”
Skylar’s eyebrows went up. “You don’t know?”
“Well, I didn’t exactly ask her to marry me, if that’s what you mean.”
“That’s what a proposal is.” Skylar threw a look at Sebastian. “Not that you asked either.”
I glanced at him, too. “You didn’t propose?”
He looked a little sheepish. “Ah, no. I think I just said, ‘Marry me.’ It was a bit spontaneous. I hadn’t really planned on doing it right then.”
“But it was perfect.” Skylar reached over and patted his leg. “And heartfelt. And I knew that he meant it.”
A look passed between them that made me so envious I wanted to throw my beer bottle against the stones beneath us just to hear it shatter. “I guess I just sort of implied it.”
“Not good enough.” Skylar shook her head. “Natalie might be strong-willed and independent, but I guarantee she still wants that question.”
“Do you love her?” Sebastian asked quietly.
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. In my mind, I saw her smile change from a playful little girl’s to a gorgeous grown woman’s. God, when had I not loved her? “I’m crazy about her. I’m just an idiot about it.”
“Does she love you?” he asked.
“She said she did last night.” I exhaled, thinking about how sweet those words had sounded on her lips. I wanted to hear them again, wanted to feel her whisper them in my ear as I slid inside her, wanted to hear it over and over again.
“She does,” Skylar said confidently. “I believe that. When she came home from Detroit, she was so weird. Just mooning around all over the place, like she was sad about something, but it definitely wasn’t the breakup.”
I frowned, slumping in my chair. “So now what? She doesn’t believe anything I tell her. And I know that’s my fault, because I once told her I was too selfish to love anyone forever.”
“Man.” Sebastian tipped up his beer and shook his head. “You are definitely your own worst enemy.”
“I know. Help,” I begged, sitting up straight again. “You guys are good at love. I am horrible. I’m only good at sex.”
“We’ve heard.” Skylar wiggled her eyebrows.
“I didn’t mean like that—I meant that when people write in and ask me about sex, I’m good with the answers. But the emotional stuff is killing me.” I ran a hand over my hair. “Not even joking, sometimes I think about her, and I can’t even breathe. It’s like I’m suffocating.”
“Yeah, that’s the feeling all right.” Sebastian nodded. “What do you say when people ask about sex?”