First, I needed to make a doctor’s appointment and get a blood test to make sure I really was knocked up. Maybe the tests were defective.
Four tests? And what about the fact that you’re a week late? You’ve never been a week late, not ever.
I looked down at my belly in disbelief. Was it possible that Miles had gotten me pregnant?
Of course it’s possible! You had sex without a condom, didn’t you?
But…but I was on the pill! It always worked for me and Dan! For eight years! Had I fucked up the cycle when I’d switched brands? I knew I’d missed a pill the night I slept at Miles’s house, but I’d taken the missed one right away the next morning. And I’d taken another one that night. I’d done that before and it had been fine!
Moaning, I got off the floor and stood in front of the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. Flattened my hands over my belly. It didn’t feel any rounder than usual, but then again, even if I was pregnant, I wouldn’t show for a while yet.
If I kept it.
Don’t think about that yet. You don’t even know for sure.
But I felt like I did.
Trembling, I went down to the kitchen and dug my phone from my purse to call the doctor.
? ? ?
The next day, I left my OB’s office and drove straight to Skylar and Sebastian’s cabin. Beside me on the seat was a stack of pamphlets about prenatal vitamins, breastfeeding, and my “options.”
My stomach churned as I thought them over.
I could terminate the pregnancy.
I could proceed with the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption.
I could have the baby and…have a baby.
I’d already cried buckets in the exam room, but the tears flowed again as I drove up the highway, and I reached into my purse for the wad of tissues I’d stuck there. After blowing my nose, I called Jillian.
As expected, I got her voicemail. “Hey, Jill. It’s Natalie. I’m on my way to Skylar’s for dinner and I know you’re working, but if there’s any way you can head out there when you’re off, I’d love it. I need you guys. The blood test was positive.” My voice was shaky and the entire message was punctuated by sobs, but I got it out.
Last night, I’d called my sisters and told them about the home test results. They both agreed I shouldn’t panic until I saw my doctor, although I could tell by what Jillian said, she thought those home tests were accurate. Skylar had gone dead silent, and I imagined she was picturing me fat as a rhinoceros coming up the aisle in my lavender bridesmaid dress. But maybe that was unfair. Right away, she’d offered to take this afternoon off and go with me to the doctor’s, but I said it was OK, I could handle going alone. I’d probably have to go to a lot of things alone in the near future. The thought brought on a fresh round of tears, and I blubbered into my sopping tissues.
Ten minutes later, I parked in front of the cabin and got out. Skylar ran out onto the porch before I even shut the car door.
“Well?”
I was crying too hard to speak.
“Oh, honey.” Skylar opened her arms and I ran into them, feeling every bit the baby sister I was.
I sobbed on her shoulder, keening so loud Sebastian came out to see what he could do.
I took one look at his big, broad chest and threw myself at him, needing to feel a pair of strong, masculine arms around me, even if they were my future brother-in-law’s.
He was a good sport about it and held me loosely in his arms while I slobbered all over his shirt, patting my back while Skylar stroked my hair. I was glad they didn’t say anything like It’s OK or Don’t worry or Everything will be fine. I needed to wallow in my stupidity and misery for a moment before I faced the facts and made a plan, and they understood.
But after a couple minutes, Skylar tugged on my arm. “Come on inside.”
We went into the living room, and Skylar dropped down next to me on the couch. “So now what?”
“Now I have to decide what to do,” I said, my breath coming in gasps.
“You should tell Miles right away.” Sebastian spoke quietly from where he stood near the door, hands in his pockets. “He needs to know.”
“I know,” I said, reaching for the box of tissues on the end table. “God, I’m dreading that.”
“I don’t blame you.” Skylar continued to stroke my hair. “You think he’ll freak out?”
“Uh, yes. Duh. He’s like a big kid himself. You should have seen his refrigerator. His cupboards. He didn’t even have a spatula!” I wailed.
“What does a spatula have to do with a baby?” Sebastian sounded confused.
I threw a hand in the air. “It’s another sign that he doesn’t have his shit together.”
“Well, maybe he could get it together by the time the baby is born,” Skylar said hopefully. “I mean, if you end up having it. When’s it due?”
Oh, God. A due date. This was so real.
It’s real. Get used to saying it. “March.”
“March what?” Sebastian asked.
“Seventeenth.”
He winced. “Ooh. That’s a bad number.”
“Sebastian!” Skylar glared at him. “This isn’t the time.”
“Sorry.” He held up his hands. “Sorry, Natalie.”